No one sets out to get into a toxic relationship, but some people seem to end up in them more than others.
While no one is responsible for anyone else’s behaviour, and it’s not exactly their fault, they likely have habits and behaviours that make toxic partnerships much more likely than healthy ones, and that’s a shame. If you have any of these traits, you may be making yourself vulnerable to some not-so-nice people and dynamics — and it may be time for a change.
1. You have people-pleasing tendencies.
If you find yourself saying “yes” when every fibre of your being is screaming “no,” you’re probably a people pleaser. While being nice is great, constantly putting everyone else’s needs before your own is like hanging a “walk all over me” sign around your neck. Try starting small — say no to one minor request this week, and watch how the world doesn’t end. Your future relationship self will thank you.
2. You’re a bit of a fixer.
Being everyone’s go-to therapist might make you feel needed, but if you’re always trying to “fix” people, you’re setting yourself up for a relationship where you’re more caretaker than partner. It’s exhausting playing emotional mechanic to someone else’s constant breakdowns. Instead of looking for someone to fix, try finding someone who’s already done their own repair work.
3. You avoid confrontation like the plague, even when necessary.
If the thought of expressing disagreement makes you break into a cold sweat, you might be conflict-avoidant. Thing is, bottling up your feelings doesn’t make them go away — it just turns you into a human pressure cooker. Practice voicing small disagreements in low-stakes situations, like telling your friend you’d rather get pizza than sushi. Baby steps!
4. You tend to romanticise red flags.
When you catch yourself thinking their jealousy is “cute” or their controlling behaviour means they “really care,” you’re probably wearing those rose-coloured glasses a bit too tight. Not every toxic trait has a secret heart of gold underneath. Try running these “romantic” behaviours by your most straight-talking friend — they’ll give you the reality check you need.
5. You move at lightning speed.
If your relationships typically go from first date to soulmate status faster than a TikTok trend, you might be rushing into trouble. When you’re sprinting past red flags, you can’t exactly see them clearly. Try setting some actual timelines for relationship milestones — and stick to them, no matter how perfect someone seems at first glance.
6. You become emotionally dependent on partners quickly.
Needing someone to text you good morning, good night, and every hour in between isn’t love — it’s dependency with a cute filter. If your mood swings based on someone else’s attention, you’re giving them far too much power over your happiness. Work on building your own emotional playlist instead of letting someone else DJ your feelings.
7. You engage in competitive comparison.
Always sizing yourself up against your partner’s ex or obsessing over their Instagram likes? This competitive streak might lead you straight into a toxic tango of insecurity. Remember, relationships aren’t an Olympic sport — there are no medals for being the “best” partner. Focus on your own growth instead of tracking everyone else’s scores.
8. You have boundary blindness.
If you can’t tell where you end and your partner begins, you might have boundary issues. Sharing everything from passwords to personal space might feel romantic, but it’s actually a fast track to losing yourself. Start practising boundaries with small things — like having one hobby that’s just yours, no plus-ones allowed.
9. You expect your partner to be perfect.
When you expect both yourself and your partner to be flawless, you’re not setting standards — you’re setting traps. Real people come with real quirks and actual flaws. Try embracing your own imperfections first; it makes accepting other people’s a whole lot easier. Besides, perfect people are perfectly boring.
10. You need a lot of external validation.
Source: Unsplash If you need constant reassurance about everything from your outfit to your existence, you might be setting yourself up for a relationship where validation becomes currency. It’s exhausting for both parties when every moment needs a gold star. Start building your own internal approval system — try giving yourself props for the small wins without needing outside confirmation.
11. You get stuck in the past sometimes.
Carrying around old relationship baggage like it’s designer luggage? When you’re stuck in the past, you tend to either repeat it or overcorrect so hard you create new problems. Instead of treating every new person like they’re your ex in disguise, try seeing them as entirely new characters in your story. Your past can inform you without defining you.
12. You’re independent to a fault.
Being able to handle everything solo is great, but if you treat any sign of needing someone else like it’s a personal failure, you might be taking independence too far. Relationships need interdependence — that sweet spot between clingy and cold. Try letting someone help you with something small, like picking out a new phone case. Baby steps!
13. You’re addicted to drama.
If your relationships feel like they should have their own Netflix series, you might be addicted to drama. While intense emotions can feel like passion, constant chaos is just exhausting. Next time you feel tempted to create a scene, ask yourself if you’re bored rather than bothered. Maybe you need a hobby, not a blow-up.
14. You’ve got a saviour complex.
Think you can love someone enough to change them? That’s not romance, that’s a renovation project. Looking for people to save usually lands you with folks who have no interest in saving themselves. Try channelling that helping energy into volunteering — at least shelter dogs actually want to be rescued.
15. You’re a chronic ghoster.
If your go-to move when things get real is to disappear faster than free food at an office party, you might be avoiding deeper connections. While ghosting feels like self-protection, it’s actually self-sabotage in a Halloween costume. Practice giving honest explanations when you need space — even a simple “I need to process” is better than vanishing.
16. You’re emotionally unavailable.
Keeping everyone at arm’s length might feel safe, but if your emotional walls are higher than your credit score, you’re probably missing out on real connections. Being vulnerable isn’t a weakness — it’s more like a superpower that’s scary to use at first. Start small: share one genuine feeling with someone you trust, even if it’s just admitting you’re nervous about sharing feelings.
