Narcissists expect to know the nitty-gritty details of your life, but they’re nowhere near as forthcoming about their own lives.
Because they’re so manipulative and controlling, the idea of opening up and answering questions you’ll no doubt have for them isn’t one they’re all that thrilled about. Here’s why you shouldn’t expect answers from the narcissist in your life — because you definitely won’t get any.
1. They’re afraid of being exposed as frauds.
Narcissists often build their entire identity on a shaky foundation of lies and exaggerations. Answering direct questions might reveal the truth behind their carefully crafted facade. They’ll do anything to avoid this, including deflecting, changing the subject, or simply refusing to engage.
2. They don’t want to lose control of the narrative.
For a narcissist, controlling the story is everything. By answering your questions, they risk giving you information that could shift the power dynamic. They prefer to keep you in the dark, guessing and uncertain, as it allows them to maintain their upper hand in the relationship.
3. They believe they’re above explanation.
In their minds, narcissists are superior beings who shouldn’t have to explain themselves to anyone. Answering your questions would put them on equal footing with you, which is unacceptable to their inflated sense of self-importance. They may respond with dismissive comments or act offended that you dared to question them at all.
4. They’re avoiding accountability.
Answering questions often means taking responsibility for one’s actions or words. Narcissists are masters at avoiding accountability. By refusing to engage with your questions, they sidestep any potential blame or admission of wrongdoing, preserving their image of perfection.
5. They enjoy keeping you off-balance.
Narcissists thrive on creating confusion and uncertainty in their relationships. By withholding information and refusing to answer questions, they keep you guessing and anxious. This emotional turmoil gives them a sense of power and control over your emotional state.
6. They’re protecting their own insecurities.
Despite their outward bravado, narcissists are often deeply insecure. Your questions might touch on sensitive areas they’re not ready to confront. Rather than risk exposing their vulnerabilities, they’ll shut down the conversation entirely.
7. They’re gaslighting you.
By refusing to answer questions, narcissists engage in a form of gaslighting. They’ll act like you never asked the question, deny previous conversations, or make you feel crazy for even bringing up the topic. It’s a manipulation tactic that’s meant to make you doubt your own perceptions and memory.
8. They’re buying time to craft a perfect response.
Sometimes, a narcissist’s silence isn’t permanent. They may be avoiding your questions temporarily while they concoct the perfect response that makes them look good. Such a calculated approach allows them to maintain their image and potentially manipulate the situation to their advantage.
9. They’re punishing you for daring to question them.
In a narcissist’s world, questioning them is an act of defiance. By refusing to answer, they’re punishing you for slighting them (at least in their own twisted mind). They hope that withholding information will teach you not to challenge them in the future, reinforcing their dominance in the relationship.
10. They genuinely don’t care about your concerns.
Narcissists lack empathy and often have little genuine interest in other people’s thoughts or feelings. Your questions, no matter how important to you, may simply not register as worthy of their time or attention. They might ignore them entirely, focusing instead on topics that interest or benefit them.
11. They’re playing mind games.
For some narcissists, not answering questions is part of a larger game of emotional manipulation. They enjoy watching you squirm, become frustrated, or beg for answers. This twisted form of entertainment feeds their need for attention and drama.
12. They’re avoiding cognitive dissonance.
Your questions might challenge the narcissist’s carefully constructed worldview. Rather than face the uncomfortable feelings of cognitive dissonance that arise when their beliefs are questioned, they simply refuse to engage. It means they can maintain their distorted perspective unchallenged.
13. They’re redirecting the conversation to their preferred topics.
Narcissists love to talk about themselves and their interests. By ignoring your questions, they create space to steer the conversation back to their favourite subject: themselves. This tactic ensures they remain the centre of attention at all times.
14. They’re maintaining an air of mystery.
Some narcissists believe that by withholding information, they become more intriguing and desirable. They might see answering questions as ‘giving too much away’ and spoiling the mysterious persona they’ve cultivated. Their behaviour is supposed to keep you interested and engaged, always wanting more.
15. They’re asserting dominance through silence.
Refusing to answer questions can be a power play. The narcissist may view your need for answers as a form of weakness. By withholding information, they assert their dominance and reinforce the idea that they’re in control of the relationship and the flow of information within it.
16. They’re avoiding potential contradictions.
Narcissists often tell different stories to different people, crafting various versions of reality to suit their needs. Answering your questions might lead to contradictions in their narratives. By staying silent, they avoid the risk of being caught in a lie or having to reconcile conflicting versions of events.
