Narcissists care more about themselves than they do anyone else, so it’s no surprise that they behave in some very selfish ways.
In relationships, like in every area of life, they’re out for what they can get. If they want to do something, they will — and yes, that includes cheating. In fact, people with narcissistic personalities are way more likely to be unfaithful than those who are a bit more empathetic and caring. Here’s why.
1. They need endless validation.
For a narcissist, getting attention and praise can feel like a necessity rather than a bonus. Even in a loving relationship, they often find themselves craving extra admiration, feeling that one person alone can’t provide it all. Their endless pursuit of validation can blur the lines of loyalty, especially if they see outside interest as a way to boost their ego.
2. Empathy isn’t their strong suit.
Empathy isn’t something that comes naturally to a narcissist, and this can impact their commitment to a partner. They may struggle to put themselves in someone else’s shoes, making it harder to feel genuine remorse if they stray. Often, they’re more focused on their own desires and impulses, seeing them as justifiable without much concern for how it impacts anyone else.
3. They get bored easily.
Routine and stability might sound comforting to some, but for a narcissist, they can quickly lead to restlessness. They tend to crave excitement and novelty, seeing it as a way to keep their lives engaging and full of stimulation. In relationships, this can push them to look for something new to regain that thrill.
4. Boundaries aren’t their priority.
Narcissists can struggle with respecting boundaries, especially if they feel those boundaries limit their freedom. Their lack of respect for boundaries means they might not see infidelity as a serious breach, as they prioritise their own wants over relationship standards. Often, they’ll justify their actions by blaming their partner for not “meeting their needs.”
5. They have a sense of entitlement.
Feeling entitled is often second nature to narcissists, as they believe they deserve more than other people in many aspects of life. In relationships, this can show up as a belief that they should be free to pursue whoever they want, regardless of commitments. In their eyes, being loyal isn’t as important as getting what they feel they’re entitled to, even if it comes at a cost to their partner.
6. They like to keep control.
Maintaining control can be a key trait for many narcissists, and this can extend into their romantic relationships. They often feel that keeping power over situations and people allows them to avoid feeling vulnerable. Their need for control can lead them to make choices that keep other people off balance, like cheating, which gives them the upper hand in their relationship dynamic.
7. They lack self-awareness.
While it may seem that narcissists are self-absorbed, they can actually lack a certain type of self-awareness. They might not fully see or understand the impact of their actions on other people, including the pain cheating can cause. In their minds, the immediate satisfaction of infidelity overshadows the potential consequences, allowing them to act impulsively without much introspection.
8. Their need for admiration feels endless.
Admiration is like a lifeline for narcissists; they thrive on it and often feel uneasy without it. In relationships, they might get frustrated if their partner’s admiration isn’t constant or intense enough. It’s not unusual for them to believe they deserve admiration from multiple people, leading them to pursue affairs to maintain that sense of importance.
9. They’re experts at justifying their actions.
One of the traits that makes narcissists so tricky in relationships is their ability to rationalise almost anything, especially if it benefits them. They’ll often twist situations to make cheating seem acceptable, blaming the relationship itself or even their partner for pushing them into it. Their talent for self-justification means they rarely see their behaviour as wrong.
10. They get a thrill from deception.
For some narcissists, the act of hiding things from a partner provides an added thrill. They might enjoy the secrecy and sense of control that comes with managing a double life. This thrill can make them more likely to stray, as it feeds their desire for excitement in a way that feels personal and exclusive.
11. Their insecurities drive risky behaviour.
While they might seem confident, many narcissists actually struggle with deep insecurities. They often look to external sources for validation, and when that isn’t enough, they may engage in risky behaviour like cheating to feel better about themselves. By looking for reassurance through affairs, they momentarily ease their insecurities, even though it rarely leads to lasting satisfaction.
12. They view relationships as transactional.
Narcissists often see relationships through a lens of “what can I get out of this?” rather than as a balanced partnership. Taking a more transactional view means they may feel justified in stepping outside the relationship if they think it will benefit them in some way. If they feel an affair offers them more than the relationship, they’re often quick to pursue it without much guilt.
13. They rarely feel genuine remorse.
When a narcissist cheats, they’re often less likely to feel remorse compared to others, as they tend to prioritise their own desires over the feelings of those around them. They may even rationalise the affair to the point where they feel no guilt at all, convinced their actions were justified. The absence of empathy makes it easy for them to prioritise their own satisfaction over loyalty.
14. They don’t believe the rules apply to them.
Many narcissists carry a belief that they’re somehow exempt from the rules that govern other people’s lives. This sense of exception can lead them to dismiss relationship boundaries, seeing them as guidelines that apply to other people, but not to themselves. When they cheat, they may genuinely believe they’re justified, as if their unique qualities make them deserving of extra freedom.
15. They thrive on keeping people guessing.
For some narcissists, keeping everyone off balance is a way to maintain control and keep things interesting. They enjoy the power that comes from keeping people guessing about their true intentions, and infidelity is often part of that strategy. By having multiple partners or engaging in secret affairs, they feel they’re keeping their partner from ever being fully in control.
16. They don’t see loyalty as a priority.
To many narcissists, loyalty might seem secondary to their personal happiness. If something or someone else seems more appealing, they’re more inclined to follow that impulse without much consideration for the relationship. Often, their primary focus is on their own fulfilment, which can come at the expense of true partnership.
