Loneliness isn’t really about being physically alone — it’s about the habits we develop that make us feel isolated and disconnected.
While these feelings are common every once in a while, if they tend to be constant for you, it could be largely down to your own behaviour. While completely unintentional, there are things you might be doing to increase your loneliness. If you catch yourself in the act, stop, take note, and change things moving forward. You’ll feel a lot happier (and a lot less lonely) if you do.
1. You wait for other people to make the first move.
The phone works both ways, but you’re always waiting for someone else to reach out first. You tell yourself you don’t want to bother people or seem needy. Meanwhile, weeks turn into months of silence. Your friends might think you’re not interested in hanging out anymore. Taking the initiative doesn’t make you desperate — it makes you someone who values connection.
2. You keep conversations surface-level.
Small talk is your safety net. Even when someone tries to dig deeper, you deflect with jokes or change the subject. You’ve got so good at keeping things light that people stop trying to get past your walls. Real connection happens when you let people see the real stuff.
3. You scroll instead of reaching out.
You spend hours watching everyone else’s lives through social media, but never actually message anyone. Double-tapping photos feels like connecting, but it’s not the same as actual conversation. That quick text you could send would mean way more than any like button.
4. You cancel plans at the last minute.
Source: Unsplash Something always comes up — you’re tired, not feeling it, or suddenly busy. Each time you bail, people become less likely to include you in future plans. The comfort of your couch isn’t worth the relationships you’re slowly losing.
5. You hold grudges over small things.
You’re keeping score of every minor letdown or perceived slight. That time someone forgot to invite you, the unanswered text, the birthday they missed. These little hurts pile up until you’ve pushed away people who actually care. Not everyone’s out to hurt you — sometimes people just mess up.
6. You compare your life to everyone else’s.
You’re so focused on what everyone else has that you miss what’s right in front of you. Their perfect-looking relationships make yours seem not worth pursuing. Meanwhile, potential connections slip away while you’re busy feeling behind. Everyone’s struggling with something — they just don’t post about it.
7. You turn down invitations because they’re not perfect.
The restaurant isn’t your favourite, the timing’s a bit off, or the whole group isn’t going. You wait for the perfect plan that never comes. Small, imperfect hangouts are where real friendships grow.
8. You keep your problems to yourself.
You don’t want to burden anyone with your stuff, so you handle everything alone. People sense that wall and stop sharing their own struggles too. Vulnerability isn’t weakness — it’s how people know you trust them.
9. You ghost when things get uncomfortable.
The moment there’s awkwardness or conflict, you disappear. No explanation, just radio silence. Each time you vanish, you make it harder for people to invest in you. Working through tough moments builds stronger connections.
10. You expect mind reading.
Instead of saying what you need, you hope people will somehow figure it out. When they don’t, you feel disappointed and pull back further. Real friends can’t fix what they don’t know is broken. Clear communication beats hints every time.
11. You let your social skills get rusty.
The longer you stay in your bubble, the more awkward social situations feel. Simple conversations start seeming like huge tasks. Like any skill, being social takes practice — the only way past the awkward phase is through it.
12. You focus on what could go wrong.
Every potential connection comes with a mental list of ways it could fail. You’ve talked yourself out of friendships before they even start. Past disappointments don’t predict future relationships. Some people are worth the risk.
13. You hide behind being busy.
Work, errands, and responsibilities become your shield against connection. Being busy feels safer than being vulnerable. But no one looks back wishing they’d spent more time at the office instead of with people who matter.
14. You avoid group situations.
One-on-one feels safer, so you skip anything involving crowds. But group hangouts are where casual friends become closer ones. Missing these moments means missing chances to deepen multiple connections at once.
15. You don’t follow through on small moments.
Someone mentions getting coffee sometime, but you never nail down plans. These little openings for connection pass by unused. Small moments build into real relationships when you actually grab them.
16. You stay in your comfort bubble.
New places, people, and situations feel overwhelming, so you stick to what’s familiar. Your world keeps getting smaller while potential connections pass by. Comfort zones are safe, but nothing new grows there. Sometimes you have to be uncomfortable to feel less alone.
