Some people are great at saying things that sound nice at first, but then leave you wondering if you’ve just been insulted.
Backhanded compliments can be sneaky. They’re not overtly rude, but if you read between the lines, they’re clearly not meant to be very flattering. While you shouldn’t take them to heart (easier said than done, of course), it’s good to recognise when someone’s being less than sincere with their pleasantries. Here are some of the most common backhanded compliments we’ve all heard once or twice, and what people can stay instead if they’re actually being genuine.
1. “You’re so brave to wear that!”
This one might sound like a compliment at first, but really, it implies that the outfit is risky or “inappropriate” by society’s standards. If they really meant it, they could just say, “You look great!” No need to call it bravery when it’s just someone expressing themselves through their choice of clothes.
2. “You look so good for your age.”
It’s like a compliment, but with a hidden jab. “For your age” makes it sound like they’re impressed that you’re still managing to look decent, as if you’ve beaten the odds. If they actually wanted to give you a compliment, they could drop the qualifier and just say, “You look fantastic!”
3. “I wish I didn’t care what people think, like you.”
On the surface, this might seem like a compliment about your confidence, but it’s really implying that you don’t care about anything at all, like you don’t put thought into your choices. Instead, they could say, “I admire how confident you are!” It sounds way more genuine, without making you feel like you’re a bit thoughtless.
4. “You’re really smart for someone who didn’t go to university.”
This one’s a classic. It subtly implies that not going to university should’ve been a big obstacle in achieving anything intellectually. If they genuinely admire your smarts, they could just say, “You’re really smart,” without linking it to your education. Simple and kind.
5. “Wow, you actually look good in that colour!”
Source: Unsplash It’s the “actually” that gives this one away—it implies that you don’t normally look good in anything. Instead, they could just say, “That colour looks amazing on you.” It’s a much more straightforward compliment, without any backhanded twist.
6. “You’re so lucky you don’t care about material things.”
This one’s often given in a condescending way, as if it’s somehow better not to care about nice things. It suggests that you’re not ambitious or that you lack taste. If they genuinely admire your grounded attitude, they could say, “I really admire how grounded you are.” No need to undermine your preferences.
7. “You’re pretty for someone your size.”
Source: Unsplash This one’s so problematic. The implication here is that beauty is unexpected for someone of your size, which is both rude and insulting. They should just say, “You’re beautiful” and leave it at that—no size comparison needed. No one should be commenting on anyone else’s body under any circumstances. Why is that so hard to understand?
8. “You’re doing so well for someone who started late.”
Source: Unsplash Whether it’s a career, fitness journey, or hobby, this comment focuses on the fact that you supposedly had a disadvantage. It’s meant to be a compliment but ends up diminishing your success. Instead, they could just acknowledge your hard work with something like, “You’ve done amazing!” or “I’m really impressed with how far you’ve come.”
9. “I wish I had the time to do what you do.”
Source: Unsplash This might seem like a compliment, but it often comes off as judgemental, like they’re implying that your priorities are somehow misplaced. A better way to phrase it? “It’s great that you’ve found time for something you love,” which shows genuine interest without making it sound like you’re wasting time.
10. “You clean up so well!”
It sounds like a compliment, but really it’s suggesting that you don’t usually look good, which can be quite damaging. Instead, just say, “You look amazing!” It’s much more positive and doesn’t have the backhanded bite to it.
11. “You’re so confident to pull that off!”
This one implies that the outfit or style is a risky move. It’s almost like saying, “Wow, I can’t believe you actually wore that.” Instead, they could just say, “I love your style!” or “You look fantastic.” It’s a compliment without any of the backhanded undertones.
12. “You’re surprisingly articulate.”
Source: Unsplash The word “surprisingly” makes this sound like they didn’t expect you to be well-spoken. It’s condescending, and frankly, a little rude. A better compliment would be, “You explained that so clearly,” which is far more respectful and acknowledges your communication skills without implying surprise.
13. “It must be nice to have so much free time.”
Source: Unsplash This can come off as dismissive, almost as if they’re saying you’re not doing anything important with your time. If they were genuinely interested in your free time, they could say, “It’s great that you’ve found time to do something you enjoy.” It’s more positive and doesn’t carry judgement.
14. “You look so much better without makeup.”
Source: Unsplash This one’s just plain frustrating. It suggests that when you wear makeup, you don’t look good at all. Instead, they could say, “You’re naturally beautiful,” which is a compliment that acknowledges your features without implying that you look worse when you try.
15. “I didn’t expect you to know about that!”
Source: Unsplash This is just patronising. It implies that you shouldn’t have any knowledge about a certain subject. Instead of this backhanded surprise, they could just say, “That’s a great point” or “I hadn’t thought of that!” It’s respectful and acknowledges your insight without making it sound like you’re an anomaly.
16. “You’re not like other [insert group here].”
Source: Unsplash This is one of those comments that can feel isolating. It suggests that you’re only praiseworthy because you don’t conform to stereotypes. Instead of pointing out how you’re “not like the others,” they should just say, “I love how unique you are,” which celebrates you for your individuality.
