Drinking can lower your inhibitions, but sometimes it also lowers your kindness.
If you’re waking up with regret after a night out, or with relationships in tatters when you have no recollection of having been in a fight, you might be a hurtful drunk without even realising it. Here are some signs you might be crossing the line when you drink, and what you can do to change it.
1. You say things you’d never say sober.
When you’re drunk, if you find yourself saying things that are brutally honest or unnecessarily harsh, it’s a red flag. Alcohol can loosen your filter, but that doesn’t mean it reveals some hidden truth. If people regularly look shocked or hurt by your words, it’s time to take notice. Apologising the next day only goes so far if it keeps happening.
2. You get into arguments over small things.
Do minor annoyances blow up into full-on rows when you drink? Alcohol can amplify irritations, turning a tiny disagreement into a major fight. If you often find yourself in arguments that spiral quickly, your drinking might be bringing out a more combative side. Recognising this pattern is the first step to preventing it.
3. You blame other people for your behaviour.
If you constantly defend your drunken outbursts by saying people provoked you, that’s a sign of deflection. Your reactions are still your responsibility, even if someone else annoyed you. It’s important to own up to your behaviour rather than finding someone else to blame. Accountability is key to making a change.
4. You black out and can’t remember what you did.
Waking up with gaps in your memory is a clear indicator that things are getting out of control. If friends tell you that you were hurtful, and you can’t even recall it, that’s a dangerous pattern. Blacking out means you’re drinking too much, and it’s time to consider cutting back. What you don’t remember can still hurt people.
5. Your friends avoid you when you’re drinking.
If people start distancing themselves when you’re drinking, it’s likely they’re tired of the drama. Maybe they’ve been on the receiving end of your hurtful behaviour one too many times. This avoidance is a strong sign that your drinking habits are affecting your relationships. Paying attention to how your social circle reacts can be eye-opening.
6. You make mean-spirited jokes.
Source: Unsplash Humour is one thing, but if your jokes take on a cruel edge after a few drinks, it’s a problem. What might seem like harmless banter to you can cut deeply for someone else. Alcohol might loosen your tongue, but it doesn’t excuse hurtful humour. Aim to be the fun kind of drunk, not the sarcastic, biting one.
7. You bring up old grievances.
Drunk you might decide it’s the perfect time to dredge up old arguments or unresolved issues. If you keep revisiting past grievances when you drink, it shows you have some emotional baggage to deal with. Instead of using alcohol as a way to vent, try addressing these issues sober. It’s far more productive — and less hurtful.
8. You lose your patience easily.
Alcohol can lower your tolerance for frustration, making you snap at people for no reason. If you find yourself getting annoyed or lashing out over small inconveniences, it’s a sign your drinking is turning you into a short-tempered version of yourself. Practising patience while sober can help you manage this better when you’re drinking.
9. You become overly critical.
Drunk criticism can come across as brutal, even if you think you’re being helpful. If you find yourself pointing out people’s flaws or mistakes after a few drinks, it’s time to reassess. Nobody wants unsolicited feedback, especially when it’s laced with alcohol-fuelled harshness. A little kindness goes a long way, even after a pint.
10. You ruin the vibe at gatherings.
Are you the one who turns a fun night into a tense situation? If people start looking uncomfortable or the energy drops when you’re drinking, it’s a sign something’s off. Your words or actions might be dragging down the mood. Being aware of how you affect the atmosphere can help you change your behaviour.
11. You send regrettable texts.
Drunk texting can lead to some serious cringe moments. If your messages tend to be angry, hurtful, or confrontational, you’re probably saying things you’d never say sober. The damage from a few taps on your phone can be hard to undo. Putting your phone away when you drink might save you from a lot of apologies.
12. You don’t remember why you were angry.
If you wake up knowing you argued with someone but can’t remember why, that’s a problem. It means your anger might not have been justified or even rational. Getting drunk and picking fights you barely understand leaves a trail of hurt feelings. Learning to express yourself sober can help prevent these pointless blow-ups.
13. You feel guilty the next day.
Waking up with a pit in your stomach because you’re not sure what you said or did is a heavy feeling. If guilt is a regular part of your hangovers, it’s a sign your drinking behaviour needs adjusting. That next-day regret is your mind’s way of telling you something needs to change. Listen to it.
14. You use alcohol as an excuse.
Source: Unsplash If you often say, “I was just drunk” to explain your actions, you’re leaning on alcohol as a get-out-of-jail-free card. But being drunk doesn’t erase the hurt you cause. Using alcohol as an excuse prevents you from taking responsibility. Owning your behaviour, drunk or sober, is key to making real changes.
15. People have told you you’re hurtful when drinking.
Sometimes, the clearest sign is the feedback you get. If friends or family have told you that you’re hurtful when you drink, believe them. It’s easy to dismiss it as an overreaction, but it’s likely a pattern they’ve noticed. Taking their words seriously can be the wake-up call you need to change.
16. You drink to release pent-up frustration.
If you’re using alcohol as a way to vent your frustrations, those emotions are likely coming out in hurtful ways. Drinking to “blow off steam” often leads to misdirected anger and regrettable outbursts. Finding healthier ways to process your feelings, like exercise or talking things out, can help you drink more responsibly. It’s about letting things out without blowing things up.
