Narcissists have a whole host of manipulative tactics up their sleeves, and they’re not shy about using them.
They pride themselves on being one step ahead of you at all times — that’s how they can keep getting away with their bad behaviour, after all. However, what they don’t realise is that you’re actually onto them, and the best way to protect yourself (and maybe get a bit of revenge at the same time) is by completely blindsiding them. Doing it is a lot easier than you’d think.
1. Set firm boundaries without explanation.
Narcissists often push limits, so establish clear boundaries. Don’t justify or explain your limits — simply state them and stick to them. A bit of unexpected firmness can throw a narcissist off balance. They’re used to people giving in or arguing, so a calm, non-negotiable stance can be surprisingly effective.
2. Use the grey rock method.
Become as uninteresting as possible to the narcissist. Respond with short, neutral answers and don’t show emotion. Your lack of reaction denies them the attention they crave. Over time, they may lose interest in engaging with you, as you’re no longer a source of emotional supply.
3. Redirect their praise to other people.
When a narcissist tries to compliment you to get in your good books, redirect the praise to someone else. This denies them the opportunity to manipulate you with flattery. It also shows that you’re not easily swayed by their charm, which can be disconcerting for them.
4. Document everything.
Keep a record of all interactions, especially any promises or agreements made. When they try to gaslight you or change the narrative, you’ll have evidence to counter their claims. Being prepared can catch them off guard, as they often rely on other people’s forgetfulness or self-doubt.
5. Use “we” statements instead of “you” statements.
Frame issues as shared problems to solve together, rather than accusations. Doing so makes it harder for the narcissist to play the victim or become defensive. It can also appeal to their desire to be seen as a problem-solver rather than the source of problems.
6. Avoid emotional reactions.
Stay calm and composed, even when provoked. Narcissists often try to elicit strong emotional responses. By remaining neutral, you deny them the emotional drama they seek. It works especially well in professional settings where emotional outbursts are frowned upon.
7. Focus on actions, not words.
Pay attention to what the narcissist does, not what they say. Call out discrepancies between their words and actions matter-of-factly. Focusing on concrete behaviour rather than promises or explanations can be uncomfortable for narcissists who rely on charm and manipulation.
8. Use their need for public approval.
If you need to confront a narcissist, do it in a public or professional setting where they’re likely to care about other people’s perceptions. They may be more inclined to behave reasonably to maintain their public image. This strategy leverages their desire for admiration to encourage better behaviour.
9. Don’t share personal information.
Limit the personal details you share with a narcissist. The less they know about your life, the less ammunition they have to manipulate or hurt you. Putting them on an information diet can frustrate their attempts to gain control over you or your narrative.
10. Use logical, unemotional language.
When discussing issues, stick to facts and use unemotional language. This makes it harder for the narcissist to dismiss you as irrational or overly emotional. It also keeps the focus on the actual problem rather than getting sidetracked by emotional manipulation.
11. Set time limits on interactions.
Establish clear start and end times for any necessary interactions, as it prevents the narcissist from monopolising your time and energy. It also gives you a clear exit strategy, which can be reassuring when dealing with difficult personalities.
12. Avoid arguing or defending yourself.
Don’t get drawn into arguments or feel the need to defend yourself against every accusation. Simply state your position once and move on — it denies the narcissist the engagement they often seek through provocative statements or accusations.
13. Use “I” statements to express your needs.
Frame your needs in terms of your own feelings and experiences, rather than as demands or criticisms. This makes it harder for the narcissist to deflect or become defensive. It keeps the focus on your perspective, which they can’t easily dismiss or argue against.
14. Develop a support network.
Build relationships with people who can offer support and reality checks. Your network can help you maintain perspective when dealing with a narcissist’s manipulations. It also reduces your reliance on the narcissist for validation or companionship.
15. Practise self-care and build self-esteem.
Strengthen your own sense of self-worth through self-care and personal development. The more confident and self-assured you are, the less vulnerable you’ll be to a narcissist’s tactics. Your inner strength can be surprising and off-putting to someone used to easily manipulating people.
16. Be prepared to walk away.
Sometimes, the most effective strategy is to be willing to end the relationship or conversation. Being ready to disengage can be a powerful tool in dealing with a narcissist. It shows that you value yourself more than the relationship, which can be a significant shock to someone used to having power over other people.
