Not all marriages are built to last — in fact, nearly half of them end up failing.
That’s not necessarily any one person’s fault, and regardless of what the final nail in the coffin ended up being, ending a relationship with someone you thought you’d spend the rest of your life with is devastating. Why, then, do so many people insist on saying such stupid things when they hear you’re getting a divorce? Here are some of the worst offenders.
1. “But you seemed so perfect together.”
People love a perfect façade, forgetting relationships exist behind closed doors. When you hear this, remember they only saw what you chose to share — not the silent dinners, the growing distance, or the real struggles. A simple “Things aren’t always what they seem” ends the conversation, while protecting your privacy.
2. “Have you tried counselling?”
This dismisses all the work you’ve already done to save your marriage. Most couples exhaust every option before divorce, including therapy, date nights, and endless talks. Keep your response straightforward: “We explored all options” and move the conversation along.
3. “You’re giving up too easily.”
This minimises years of trying to make things work. The strength it takes to leave is the opposite of giving up — it’s choosing to stop pretending. When someone suggests you’re taking the easy way out, remember they haven’t lived your experience. A firm “I’ve given this careful thought” acknowledges their concern while setting boundaries.
4. “Think about the children.”
As if you haven’t thought of nothing else for months. Children benefit more from two happy homes than one miserable one. Your kids learn about relationships by watching yours, and showing them it’s okay to leave unhealthy situations is valuable. When faced with this comment, try, “Their happiness is exactly why I’m doing this.”
5. “But marriage is forever.”
Forever is a long time to be unhappy. Marriage should be a choice you make every day, not a prison sentence. When someone throws “forever” in your face, remember that staying in a broken marriage teaches all the wrong lessons about love. A gentle “Sometimes forever isn’t the healthiest choice” opens minds.
6. “You’ll regret this later.”
This fear-based warning ignores that staying in an unhappy marriage often brings more regrets than leaving. Making difficult choices is part of growth, and staying out of fear only prolongs the inevitable. When someone predicts regret, try “I’ll handle tomorrow’s feelings tomorrow.”
7. “I always knew something was off.”
Suddenly, everyone’s a relationship expert with perfect hindsight. These amateur marriage detectives weren’t there for the good times or the hard conversations. Their retroactive wisdom doesn’t help and only serves to make them feel important. A simple “Did you?” often stops these conversations dead.
8. “At least you don’t have children.”
Or the flip side: “At least your children are grown.” Pain isn’t a competition. Divorce hurts regardless of your parental status, and minimising your experience doesn’t help. When someone tries to silver-line your situation, a straightforward “It’s still difficult” acknowledges your reality.
9. “You’ll find someone better.”
This assumes finding another partner is the goal when right now, you need to find yourself again. The space between relationships is where real growth happens. When someone tries to push you toward future relationships, try “I’m focusing on myself right now.”
10. “I never liked them anyway.”
You loved this person enough to marry them, and hearing people talk badly about them doesn’t help. It’s possible to end a marriage while still respecting what you had. When friends turn hostile toward your ex, a calm “That’s not helpful” maintains your dignity and boundaries.
11. “Everything happens for a reason.”
Sometimes things just happen, and there isn’t a grand cosmic plan. This dismisses the very real pain and complexity of divorce. When someone offers this empty comfort, try “I’m not looking for reasons, just support” to redirect the conversation.
12. “Divorce is the easy way out.”
Nothing about dismantling a life you’ve built together is easy. The paperwork, the negotiations, the emotional toll — none of it is simple. When someone suggests you’re taking the easy route, a firm “There’s nothing easy about this” usually silences the criticism.
13. “You’re being selfish.”
Sometimes being “selfish” means taking care of yourself. You can’t set yourself on fire to keep everyone else warm. When someone accuses you of selfishness, remember that prioritising your wellbeing isn’t wrong. A calm “I need to make healthy choices for myself” reframes the conversation.
14. “Just try harder.”
This ignores all the effort you’ve already invested. Relationships don’t fail from lack of trying — they fail when the effort stops producing results. When someone suggests you’re not trying hard enough, a simple “We’ve both tried our best” acknowledges the reality while ending the discussion.
15. “But what will people think?”
Other people’s opinions shouldn’t dictate your life choices. Those who matter don’t mind, and those who mind don’t matter. When someone brings up social judgment, try “I’m more concerned with being happy than looking happy” to shut down the gossip.
16. “You’ll die alone.”
Being alone is better than being lonely in a marriage. Ending one relationship doesn’t condemn you to eternal solitude. When someone plays this fear card, remember that alone doesn’t mean lonely. A confident “I’d rather be happy alone than miserable together” often ends this particular conversation.
