Mothers and sons have a special bond that no other dynamic can replace or compare to.
Most men would freely admit that their mums have been pivotal in their lives when to comes to shaping the person they’ve become, and that’s powerful. If you have sons of your own, you want to make sure the lessons you teach, the values you instil, and the things you say to them are healthy and supportive. With that in mind, you might want to give these things a miss.
1. “Be a man.”
This line may seem harmless, but it reinforces old-school ideas that being a man means suppressing emotions and “toughening up.” When boys hear this, they learn to bottle up feelings like sadness or fear, which only leads to emotional struggles down the line. Instead, show him that expressing emotions is part of being a strong, healthy person. Let him know it’s okay to feel, talk, and process what’s going on inside.
2. “Why can’t you be more like [someone else]?”
Whether it’s comparing him to a sibling, a friend, or a neighbour, this can sting more than you realise. It sends the message that who he is isn’t enough. Over time, comparisons like this chip away at self-esteem and make him feel like he’s constantly falling short. Celebrating his individuality and strengths will help him grow up feeling confident in himself.
3. “Stop crying. Boys don’t cry.”
Telling your son to stop crying sends the message that emotions are something to be ashamed of, and that vulnerability makes him less of a man. Instead of shutting him down, teach him how to manage and express those feelings in a healthy way. Letting him cry when he needs to will help him develop emotional strength, not weakness.
4. “You’ll never amount to anything.”
Even if said in a moment of anger, words like this leave scars. They can make your son feel worthless and unmotivated, and the effects can last for years. If you’re frustrated, take a breath and focus on constructive feedback instead. Encourage him to learn from mistakes and grow, rather than tearing him down.
5. “Because I said so.”
Sure, it’s tempting to use this as a shortcut during arguments, but it can come across as dismissive. Kids are naturally curious, and explaining your reasoning—even briefly—helps him understand boundaries and decisions. It also shows that you respect his thoughts and questions, which strengthens your bond over time.
6. “You’re just like your father.”
When used in a negative way, this phrase can feel like an attack on who he is, especially if there’s tension between you and his dad. Your son has his own identity, separate from anyone else. Focus on addressing specific behaviours rather than drawing broad comparisons—it’s much more effective and far less hurtful.
7. “You should know better.”
Kids don’t automatically know better—they’re still learning. Saying this can make him feel ashamed or embarrassed for not having the skills or understanding yet. Instead, approach situations as teaching moments. Help him see what he could do differently next time without making him feel judged.
8. “I sacrificed so much for you.”
While it’s true that parenting comes with sacrifices, constantly reminding your son of them can create guilt or a sense of obligation. He didn’t ask for those sacrifices, and he shouldn’t feel like he owes you for them. Instead, focus on creating a home where he feels loved and supported without strings attached.
9. “You’re acting like a baby.”
Shaming your son when he’s upset or struggling doesn’t help—it just teaches him to hide his feelings. Instead of dismissing his behaviour, try to understand what’s causing it. Addressing his emotions with empathy shows him how to navigate challenges in a healthy way.
10. “I don’t have time for this.”
We all get busy, but letting your son feel like he’s low on your priority list can have lasting effects on his self-esteem. Even if you’re stretched thin, take a moment to listen to him or let him know you’ll make time later. Showing that he matters to you strengthens your relationship and helps him feel valued.
11. “You’re too sensitive.”
Source: Unsplash If your son hears this often enough, he’ll start believing there’s something wrong with feeling deeply. Sensitivity isn’t a flaw—it’s a strength that can lead to empathy and emotional intelligence. Encouraging him to embrace his feelings helps him grow into someone who’s confident in himself and his ability to connect with people.
12. “You should’ve done better.”
Criticising his efforts, even subtly, can make him feel like he’ll never measure up. Instead of focusing on what he could’ve done differently, acknowledge what he did well first. Constructive feedback is important, but it should come from a place of encouragement, not disappointment.
13. “Don’t be weak.”
Calling someone weak for struggling or feeling emotional is a guaranteed way to make them shut down. Strength isn’t about never having a hard time—it’s about getting through those tough moments. Teaching your son that it’s okay to ask for help or show vulnerability will give him the tools he needs to handle life’s challenges.
14. “I wish you were more like [someone else’s child].”
It’s natural to notice differences between kids, but comparing your son to other people (even casually) can leave a lasting impression. It can make him feel like he’s not good enough or that his efforts don’t matter. Instead, focus on what makes him unique and let him know how proud you are of his individual strengths.
15. “You’re so lazy.”
Labelling your son as lazy doesn’t inspire him to change—it makes him believe that’s just who he is. Instead, focus on specific actions you’d like to see improve. Encouraging better habits and praising his efforts helps motivate him without damaging his self-worth.
16. “You’ll understand when you’re older.”
While there may be some truth to this, it can feel dismissive in the moment. If your son is asking questions, it’s because he’s trying to make sense of something now. Taking the time to explain it in terms he can grasp helps him feel respected and builds his ability to think critically.
