All couples argue sometimes, no matter how healthy their relationship is in general.
However, it’s how you fight that really matters, and knowing how to communicate (or rather, how not to!) can go a long way not just in resolving the immediate issues, but in keeping your bond strong over time. If your partner says any of these things when you’re not seeing eye to eye, they really need to get a grip and grow up.
1. “You always do this!”
Ah, the classic generalisation. It’s like they’ve suddenly developed amnesia for all the times you didn’t do “this”. This is the go-to for someone who’s more interested in winning the argument than actually solving the problem. It’s a lazy way to make you feel like you’re constantly messing up, even if the issue at hand is a one-time thing. Next time you hear this, you might want to ask for specific examples. Chances are, they’ll be scrambling to come up with more than one or two instances.
2. “I’m breaking up with you!”
The relationship equivalent of taking your ball and going home. This threat is often thrown out in the heat of the moment, with no real intention of following through. It’s a manipulative tactic designed to scare you into submission. An immature partner uses this as their nuclear option, hoping you’ll be so terrified of losing them that you’ll immediately back down. Spoiler alert: healthy relationships don’t involve holding the relationship hostage every time there’s a disagreement.
3. “You’re just like your mother/father!”
This low blow is usually thrown out when they’re running out of actual arguments. It’s a cheap shot that’s meant to hit you where it hurts, regardless of whether it’s true or even relevant to the argument at hand. This shows a lack of respect not just for you, but for your family. It’s also a sign that they’re more interested in hurting you than resolving the conflict. Pro tip: anyone who uses your family as ammunition in a fight isn’t fighting fair.
4. “Fine, whatever.”
The verbal equivalent of a sulky teenager slamming their bedroom door. This dismissive response is a clear sign that they’re not interested in actually resolving the issue. Instead, they’re shutting down the conversation and refusing to engage. It’s a passive-aggressive way of saying “I’m done with this conversation, but I still want you to know I’m angry.” It’s about as mature as holding your breath until you get your way.
5. “If you really loved me, you would…”
This manipulative classic is often used to guilt you into doing something you’re not comfortable with. It’s a way of equating love with compliance, which is not how healthy relationships work. Love isn’t about always getting your way or having a partner who never disagrees with you. This is a red flag that your partner might have some pretty immature ideas about what love actually means.
6. “I’m not the problem, you are!”
Ah, the old “I’m rubber, you’re glue” defence. This is a clear sign that your partner isn’t willing to take any responsibility for their part in the conflict. It’s a childish attempt to deflect all blame onto you. In a mature relationship, both partners should be able to acknowledge their role in a disagreement. If your partner can’t see past “it’s not me, it’s you,” they might need to do some growing up.
7. “You’re overreacting!”
This dismissive phrase is a favourite of immature partners who don’t want to deal with their emotions. Instead of trying to understand why you’re upset, they’re invalidating your feelings entirely. It’s a way of shirking responsibility for their actions by making you feel like you’re the unreasonable one. News flash: telling someone they’re overreacting usually just makes them react more.
8. “I’m not going to apologise!”
Stubbornness at its finest. They’re clearly not willing to admit fault or try to make amends. It’s like they think apologising is a sign of weakness, rather than a mature way to acknowledge a mistake and move forward. If your partner treats every argument like a battle where apologising means defeat, you might be dealing with someone who has some growing up to do.
9. “You’re just too sensitive.”
Another classic in the invalidation playbook. This is often used to deflect responsibility for hurtful actions or words. Instead of acknowledging that they might have done something to upset you, they’re putting the blame on you for having feelings. It’s a way of avoiding accountability by making you question your own emotional responses. Remember, having emotions doesn’t make you “too sensitive — — it makes you human.
10. “I’m done talking about this.”
While it’s okay to take a break from an intense discussion, this is often used as a way to shut down communication entirely. It’s a unilateral decision to end the conversation, regardless of whether the issue has been resolved. This approach shows a lack of respect for your feelings and a refusal to work through problems together. In a mature relationship, both partners should have a say in when a discussion is over.
11. “You’re crazy!”
This is gaslighting 101. By labelling you as “crazy,” they’re attempting to discredit your feelings and perceptions. It’s a way of making you doubt yourself rather than addressing the actual issue at hand. This is not only immature, but it’s also potentially harmful. It stigmatises mental health issues and uses them as a weapon in arguments. A mature partner would listen to your concerns, not dismiss them as crazy.
12. “I didn’t do anything wrong!”
Source: Unsplash This is the battle cry of the perpetually blameless, and it proves they lack self awareness and don’t care how their actions might have affected you. It’s a defensive stance that leaves no room for growth or compromise. In reality, most conflicts involve some degree of fault on both sides. If your partner can’t even entertain the possibility that they might have done something wrong, they’re not ready for a mature relationship.
13. “You’re just like all my exes!”
Source: Unsplash This is a double whammy of immaturity. First, it’s bringing past relationships into your current argument, which is rarely productive. Second, it’s lumping you in with a group of people you have nothing to do with. It’s a way of shifting the blame onto you for issues that likely stem from their own patterns of behaviour. If they’re constantly comparing you to their exes, it might be time to consider becoming one.
14. “I’m not listening to this anymore!”
Source: Unsplash This is the verbal equivalent of sticking your fingers in your ears and yelling “La la la!” It’s clear they’re not interested in a productive conversation. It’s a childish way of avoiding difficult conversations or uncomfortable truths. Communication is key in any relationship, and if your partner is literally refusing to listen, that’s a major red flag.
15. “You made me do it!”
Source: Unsplash This is the battle cry of someone who refuses to take responsibility for their own actions. It’s a way of shifting blame and avoiding accountability. Unless you literally controlled their body like a puppet, you didn’t “make” them do anything. This shows a lack of emotional maturity and an unwillingness to own up to their choices. A mature partner understands that they are responsible for their own actions, regardless of the circumstances.
16. “If you don’t like it, you can leave!”
Source: Unsplash This ultimatum is often thrown out when an immature partner feels cornered in an argument. Instead of working through the issue, they’re essentially telling you to accept their behaviour or get out. It’s a manipulative tactic designed to make you back down out of fear of losing the relationship. A mature partner would be willing to discuss problems and find compromises, not issue threats. If you’re hearing this regularly, it might be time to take them up on their offer.
