Arguments happen in every marriage, but it’s what you do afterwards that can make or break your relationship.
If you’ve just had a huge blow-up with your wife and want to smooth things over, you have to know how to play it. Don’t go in all gung-ho and demand that she get over it and move on. Instead, do these things — you’ll get a much better result.
1. Give her some space to cool off.
After a heated argument, emotions are running high. Giving your wife some breathing room can be a huge help because it lets both of you calm down and process your feelings. Don’t push for immediate reconciliation if she needs time alone. Respect her need for space and use this time to reflect on the situation yourself.
2. Take a moment to reflect on your own behaviour.
It’s easy to focus on what your wife did wrong, but it’s crucial to examine your own actions too. Think about how you contributed to the argument. Were you dismissive of her feelings? Did you raise your voice? Acknowledging your own faults is a big step towards resolution and personal growth. It’s not about assigning blame, but understanding how you can both improve.
3. Write down your thoughts and feelings.
Putting your emotions on paper can be incredibly cathartic. It helps you organise your thoughts and see the situation more clearly. Jot down how you feel, what you think went wrong, and ideas for moving forward. This exercise isn’t about crafting a perfect argument, but about processing your emotions in a healthy way. You might gain new insights that can help resolve the conflict.
4. Don’t vent to other people about your wife.
It’s tempting to seek validation by complaining to friends or family, but this can often make things worse. It might feel good in the moment, but it can damage your wife’s relationship with these people and betray her trust. If you need to talk, consider speaking with a neutral party, like a therapist, who can offer unbiased advice.
5. Take care of yourself physically.
Emotional stress can take a toll on your body. Make sure you’re eating well, staying hydrated, and getting enough sleep. Go for a walk or do some exercise to clear your head. Taking care of your physical health can improve your mood and help you approach the situation with a clearer mind. Remember, you’re in a better position to resolve conflicts when you’re feeling your best.
6. Prepare a genuine apology.
If you’ve realised you were in the wrong, prepare a sincere apology. This isn’t about making excuses, but acknowledging your mistakes and expressing remorse. Be specific about what you’re sorry for and how you plan to do better in the future. A heartfelt apology can go a long way in healing wounds and rebuilding trust. Remember, actions speak louder than words, so be prepared to follow through on your promises.
7. Reach out with a kind gesture.
Sometimes, actions speak louder than words. Consider a small, thoughtful gesture to show you care. This could be making her favourite meal, leaving a sweet note, or taking care of a chore she usually does. The key is to choose something meaningful to her. These small acts of kindness can help break the ice and show that you’re committed to making things right.
8. Listen to her perspective without interrupting.
When you’re ready to talk, focus on truly listening to your wife. Let her express her feelings and thoughts without interruption. Try to understand her perspective, even if you don’t agree with everything. Active listening shows respect and can help you see the situation from her point of view. This step is crucial for finding common ground and moving forward together.
9. Use “I” statements when expressing your feelings.
When it’s your turn to speak, use “I” statements to express yourself. Instead of saying “You always do this,” try “I feel hurt when this happens.” This approach is less accusatory and helps your wife understand your emotions without feeling attacked. It keeps the focus on your feelings and experiences, which can lead to more productive conversations.
10. Avoid bringing up past arguments.
Stick to the current issue at hand. Dredging up past conflicts only complicates matters and can make your wife feel like you’re keeping score. Focus on resolving the present situation and finding a way forward. If there are recurring issues, address them separately in a calm, constructive manner. The goal is to solve problems, not win arguments.
11. Suggest a change of scenery for your talk.
Sometimes, a change of environment can help shift the mood. Consider talking things through during a walk in the park or over a cup of coffee at a quiet café. A neutral setting can help both of you feel more relaxed and open to conversation. It can also provide a fresh perspective on the situation, away from the tensions of home.
12. Discuss practical steps to prevent future conflicts.
Once you’ve both had a chance to express yourselves, focus on finding solutions. Work together to identify what triggered the argument and how you can handle similar situations better in the future. This might involve setting new boundaries, improving communication methods, or addressing underlying issues. The key is to approach this as a team, with both of you committed to improving your relationship.
13. Show appreciation for her good qualities.
After a big fight, it’s easy to focus on the negatives. Make a conscious effort to remind yourself — and her — of the qualities you love about her. Express genuine appreciation for the positive aspects of your relationship. This can help reaffirm your bond and remind both of you why you’re together in the first place. It’s not about glossing over problems, but about maintaining perspective.
14. Suggest couple’s activities to reconnect.
Once you’ve talked things through, consider planning some dates you both enjoy. This could be a date night, a weekend getaway, or simply cooking a meal together. Shared experiences can help rebuild your connection and create positive memories. Choose activities that allow for relaxed interaction and enjoyment of each other’s company. It’s about nurturing your relationship beyond just resolving conflicts.
15. Be patient with the reconciliation process.
Healing takes time, especially after a big argument. Don’t expect everything to return to normal immediately. Be patient with your wife and with yourself. It’s okay if things feel a bit awkward or tense for a while. Continue to show love and understanding, even if full reconciliation takes longer than you’d like. Trust that with effort and time, your relationship can grow stronger.
16. Consider relationship counselling if things are consistently bad.
Source: Unsplash If you find yourselves having the same arguments repeatedly or struggling to move past certain issues, it might be time to consider professional help. A relationship counsellor can provide valuable tools and insights to improve your communication and resolve deep-seated problems. There’s no shame in getting help as a couple; it shows you’re both committed to making your relationship work.
