No one plans to fall in love with a narcissist, but sometimes it happens before you even realise what you’re dealing with.
Once you’re trauma bonded to them, it can be hard to walk away — but just as hard to stay. Here’s what you need to know if you’re in a relationship with this manipulative, self-centred personality type, and you don’t intend to walk away just yet (or simply can’t).
1. You’ll constantly worry about saying or doing the “wrong” thing.
Their moods can swing wildly, and you never quite know what version of them you’re going to get. You find yourself constantly second-guessing your words and actions, afraid of triggering their anger or disapproval. It’s exhausting and creates a pervasive sense of anxiety in the relationship.
2. Your self-esteem will eventually take a hit.
Narcissists are experts at subtle put-downs and backhanded compliments. They’ll belittle your appearance, your choices, or your accomplishments, leaving you feeling inadequate and insecure. Over time, this constant erosion of your self-worth can eat away at your confidence and leave you questioning your own value.
3. You’ll feel emotionally drained and exhausted.
The constant need to cater to their ego, manage their moods, and navigate their manipulative tactics can leave you feeling emotionally depleted. You’ll find yourself constantly giving, with little reciprocation, leading to a sense of resentment and burnout.
4. You’ll start to doubt your own sanity, and that’s how they like it.
Gaslighting is a common tactic used by narcissists to maintain control. They’ll deny your reality, twist your words, or blame you for their own actions, leaving you questioning your own perceptions and sanity. This can create a deep sense of confusion and self-doubt.
5. You’ll start to feel isolated and alone, even within the relationship.
Narcissists often isolate their partners from friends and family, creating a sense of dependence and control. They’ll criticise the people you love, discourage you from socialising, or even create drama to keep you focused solely on them. This isolation can leave you feeling lonely and disconnected from your support network.
6. You’ll feel like you’re constantly competing for their attention and affection.
Narcissists thrive on attention and admiration. They’ll flirt with other people in front of your face, maintain multiple relationships, or create situations where you feel like you’re vying for their love and approval. This can lead to feelings of insecurity, jealousy, and a constant need to prove your worth.
7. You’ll find yourself making excuses for their behaviour.
You might rationalise their hurtful actions, blame other people/factors, or even blame yourself for their outbursts or mistreatment. This is a common coping mechanism, but it can also enable their behaviour and prevent you from recognising the unhealthy dynamics at play.
8. You’ll feel like you’re losing your sense of self (and you just might be).
In a relationship with a narcissist, your needs, desires, and opinions often take a back seat to theirs. You’ll find yourself constantly compromising, adapting to their whims, and losing sight of your own identity and values. This can lead to a sense of emptiness and disconnect from your true self.
9. You’ll feel like their apologies are empty and insincere (because they usually are).
Narcissists might say “I’m sorry,” but their apologies often lack genuine remorse or a commitment to change. They’ll even blame you for their actions or try to manipulate you into forgiving them without truly taking responsibility.
10. You’ll feel like you’re on an emotional rollercoaster.
The highs can be exhilarating, with grand gestures of love and affection. But the lows can be devastating, with sudden withdrawals, silent treatments, and cruel criticisms. This constant emotional turbulence can leave you feeling anxious, confused, and emotionally exhausted.
11. You’ll feel a sense of injustice or unfairness in the relationship.
Narcissists often have a distorted sense of entitlement and expect special treatment. They’ll take advantage of your kindness, disregard your boundaries, or make decisions without considering your feelings. This can create a sense of resentment and a feeling that the relationship is one-sided.
12. You’ll feel jealous or resentful of their attention towards other people, regardless of how insincere it is.
Narcissists often crave admiration and validation from other people, and they’ll probably flirt or engage in attention-seeking behaviour even when you’re present. This can trigger feelings of jealousy, insecurity, and a sense that you’re not enough for them.
13. You’ll worry about the future of the relationship.
The constant ups and downs, lack of trust, and emotional turmoil can leave you questioning the long-term viability of the relationship. You’ll worry about whether things will ever improve or if you’ll always be walking on eggshells, trying to please someone who can never truly be satisfied.
14. You’ll feel like you’re being manipulated or controlled.
Narcissists are skilled manipulators, using guilt, shame, and gaslighting to control your thoughts and actions. You’ll find yourself constantly second-guessing yourself, apologising for things you didn’t do, or feeling trapped in a cycle of emotional dependence.
15. You’ll feel like your needs and feelings are constantly being dismissed.
What a narcissist wants and needs always comes first, and they’ll dismiss and minimise your worries as a result. You’ll feel unheard, unvalued, and like your opinions don’t matter. This constant invalidation can knock your self-esteem and leave you feeling emotionally isolated.
16. You’ll struggle to trust them or feel secure in the relationship.
Their inconsistent behaviour, lack of accountability, and tendency to put their own needs first can make it hard to trust them or feel secure in the relationship. You’ll constantly worry about their fidelity, their commitment, or their ability to truly love and support you.
