Recovering from narcissistic abuse is a journey of healing, reclaiming your identity, and relearning how to trust yourself and other people.
It’s tough, it’s messy, but it’s also incredibly liberating. As you gradually heal, you start to notice things you never saw before, truths that were hidden beneath the manipulation and gaslighting. These realisations can be both painful and empowering, especially given that they shed light on the depth of the abuse you endured and highlight the strength you’ve found within yourself. Here are some realisations you have.
1. You weren’t too sensitive.
Remember how they’d dismiss your feelings, call you “overreacting” or “too sensitive”? Well, guess what? You weren’t. Your emotions were valid, and your reactions were completely understandable. In fact, your sensitivity might actually be a superpower, a sign of your empathy and compassion. Don’t let anyone invalidate your feelings ever again.
2. You weren’t crazy.
Gaslighting is a hallmark of narcissistic abuse used to make you doubt your sanity. You probably questioned your memory, your perceptions, even your own identity. But the truth is, you weren’t the crazy one. You were manipulated, deceived, and deliberately made to feel insecure. Trust your instincts, and don’t let anyone make you feel like you’re losing your mind again.
3. You deserved better.
This is a big one. You felt like you were lucky to have them, that you didn’t deserve anyone better. But that’s the lie they fed you. You deserve love, respect, and kindness. You deserve to be treated with dignity and compassion. Don’t settle for anything less than you truly deserve.
4. Your feelings matter.
Narcissists dismiss and belittle other people’s feelings. They make you feel like your emotions are a burden, or that you’re “too needy” for expressing them. But your feelings are important, and they deserve to be acknowledged and validated. Don’t let anyone silence your voice or make you feel ashamed for having feelings. Your emotions are a part of who you are, and they deserve to be respected.
5. It wasn’t your fault.
One of the most insidious aspects of narcissistic abuse is the way it can make you blame yourself. You felt like you weren’t good enough, that you provoked their behaviour, or that you could have done something to prevent it. But none of that is true. Abuse is never the victim’s fault. It’s a choice the abuser makes, and you don’t have to carry that burden anymore.
6. You’re stronger than you think.
Surviving narcissistic abuse takes incredible strength and resilience. You endured manipulation, gaslighting, and emotional turmoil, and you came out the other side. That’s something to be proud of. You’re a warrior, a survivor, and you have the strength to overcome anything that comes your way. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.
7. You’re allowed to heal at your own pace.
There’s no timeline for healing from narcissistic abuse. It’s a journey, not a race. Some days you’ll feel strong and empowered, other days you’ll feel fragile and vulnerable. That’s okay. Allow yourself to feel all the feels, and don’t compare your healing journey to anyone else’s. Take the time you need to grieve, to process, and to rebuild your life.
8. You’re not alone.
It can feel incredibly isolating to be a survivor of narcissistic abuse. You might feel like no one understands what you’ve been through, but you’re not alone. There are countless others who have walked a similar path, and there are resources available to help you heal. Reach out to friends, family, therapists, or support groups. Connect with people who get it. You’ll find strength, support, and solidarity in shared experiences.
9. You are worthy of love and respect.
One of the most damaging effects of narcissistic abuse is the erosion of self-worth. You might have been told you’re unlovable, worthless, or that no one else would ever want you. But that’s simply not true. You are worthy of love, respect, and happiness. You deserve to be treated with kindness and compassion. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.
10. You have the right to set boundaries.
After narcissistic abuse, you might feel guilty for saying no or setting boundaries. But you have every right to protect yourself. You don’t owe anyone explanations or justifications for your choices. You get to decide who you let into your life and how you want to be treated. It’s okay to say no, to walk away from toxic situations, and to look after yourself.
11. You can trust your own judgement again.
Narcissists are masters of manipulation, making you doubt your own instincts and perceptions. They might have told you that you’re overreacting, that you’re imagining things, or that you’re the problem. But you can learn to trust yourself again. Start by paying attention to your gut feelings. If something feels off, it probably is. Don’t second-guess yourself or let anyone gaslight you into doubting your own reality.
12. You don’t need their validation.
Narcissists thrive on attention and validation. They might have used compliments, gifts, or grand gestures to manipulate you and keep you hooked. But you don’t need their approval to feel good about yourself. You are enough, just as you are. Your worth comes from within, not from external validation. Start focusing on your own needs and desires, and don’t let anyone else dictate your self-worth.
13. You are allowed to be happy.
After narcissistic abuse, it can be hard to imagine a future filled with joy and happiness. You might feel like you’re damaged goods, undeserving of good things. But that’s simply not true. You are allowed to be happy. You deserve to experience love, laughter, and all the good things life has to offer. Don’t let the pain of the past rob you of the joy of the present.
14. You can create a new, fulfilling life.
Recovering from narcissistic abuse is a chance to reinvent yourself and create a life that truly reflects who you are. You get to choose what you want your life to look like, who you want to surround yourself with, and what kind of experiences you want to have. It’s a blank canvas, and you’re the artist. Don’t let the past define your future. Create a life that makes you feel happy, fulfilled, and empowered.
15. You’re not defined by your past.
Your past experiences don’t have to define who you are or what you’re capable of. You are more than what you’ve been through. You are resilient, strong, and capable of creating a brighter future. Don’t let the pain of the past hold you back. Embrace your journey, learn from your experiences, and keep moving forward. Your past is just a chapter, not the whole story.
16. You are not alone in this.
The road to recovery can be long and winding, but you don’t have to walk it alone. There are so many people who have survived narcissistic abuse and come out stronger on the other side. Reach out to friends, family, therapists, or support groups. Connect with people who understand what you’re going through. You’ll find strength, support, and solidarity in shared experiences. Remember, you’re not alone. There’s a whole community of survivors who are cheering you on every step of the way.
