The more common something is, the more acceptable it tends to become.
Sadly, this is true of even some of the most toxic behaviours — the fact that everyone does them somehow means that they’re no big deal, and that’s not the case at all. If you’re guilty of any of these, people might not get on you about them, but you might want to start checking yourself, anyway. You’re not doing yourself (or the people in your life) any favours by doing them.
1. Constantly comparing yourself to other people
It seems natural to check out what everyone else is doing, but constantly comparing can drain your self-esteem. It’s all too easy to scroll through social media and feel like you’re falling short, but this habit only fuels insecurity. Instead, try focusing on your own progress and celebrate the small wins along the way.
2. Needing to win every argument
Some people feel that if they’re not right, they’re somehow losing. But when winning becomes the goal, the real issue can get lost in the battle. In most cases, it’s more important to find common ground than to have the last word. Remember, relationships aren’t competitions.
3. Giving the silent treatment when you’re upset
The silent treatment is a popular way of dealing with conflict, but it’s actually a form of emotional manipulation. Ignoring someone only builds up tension and leaves issues unresolved. Instead of going silent, try expressing how you feel and give the other person a chance to respond.
4. Overbooking your schedule
Our culture praises productivity, so many people pack their schedules to the brim, thinking it’s a sign of success. But constantly staying busy without a break can lead to burnout. Learning to say “no” and leave room for downtime can actually make you feel more balanced and fulfilled.
5. Talking about people behind their backs
Gossiping might feel harmless, but it can quickly turn into a habit that hurts relationships. Talking about people behind their backs often creates drama and tension, even if you don’t mean it to. When you feel the urge to gossip, try focusing on something positive instead.
6. Always playing the victim
Blaming other people for everything that goes wrong is common, but it’s also a way of avoiding responsibility. Playing the victim can make it difficult to grow and learn from experiences. Taking ownership of your actions, even when things don’t go perfectly, can be empowering and lead to real change.
7. Putting everyone else’s needs before your own
While helping people is great, constantly putting everyone else first can lead to resentment and burnout. It’s important to set boundaries and take care of your own needs, too. Remember, self-care isn’t selfish; it actually helps you be a better friend, partner, and colleague.
8. Holding grudges for a long time
Forgiveness isn’t easy, but holding grudges only keeps you stuck in negative feelings. Letting go doesn’t mean you’re excusing someone’s behaviour; it just means you’re freeing yourself from the weight of it. Practising forgiveness can make a big difference in your peace of mind.
9. Expecting people to read your mind
Assuming that everyone should just “know” how you feel can lead to disappointment and misunderstandings. People aren’t mind-readers, so it’s better to communicate openly about your needs and feelings. Clear communication makes relationships stronger and reduces frustration.
10. Focusing on other people’s flaws
It’s easy to notice other people’s faults, but constantly focusing on what other people do wrong can make you feel negative and critical. Instead, try focusing on their positive qualities and appreciate what they bring to your life. Shifting your perspective can improve your relationships and boost your mood.
11. Needing constant validation
It’s normal to want approval, but constantly seeking validation can leave you feeling dependent on other people’s opinions. When you rely on external validation, you’re giving everyone else control over your self-worth. Practising self-acceptance and focusing on your own growth can help you feel more confident and secure.
12. Interrupting people to get your point across
Jumping into conversations is common, but interrupting can make people feel unheard and like they don’t matter. Listening fully before responding shows respect and makes people more likely to listen to you in return. It’s amazing how much better conversations feel when everyone gets a chance to speak.
13. Avoiding uncomfortable conversations
Avoiding conflict is a habit for many, but sidestepping important conversations only leads to unresolved issues. Facing difficult topics directly might feel awkward, but it often brings clarity and strengthens relationships. Remember, honesty builds trust, even when it’s uncomfortable.
14. Pretending everything is fine when it’s not
Putting on a brave face is sometimes necessary, but ignoring your own feelings in the long term isn’t healthy. Acknowledging your emotions and talking to people you trust can help you work through challenges. It’s okay to let other people see when you’re struggling; you don’t always have to keep up appearances.
15. Only listening to respond, not understand
Many people listen just long enough to come up with their response, but going about things this way can make people feel dismissed. Listening to understand shows that you value what the other person is saying. Taking the time to truly hear someone out can lead to deeper connections and mutual respect.
16. Prioritising work over relationships
In a world that celebrates hard work, it’s easy to let relationships fall by the wayside. But prioritising work over people can lead to feelings of loneliness and disconnection. Finding a balance between career and personal life helps create a happier, healthier lifestyle.
