Backing yourself is incredibly important, but not everything seen as “confidence” actually is.
Sometimes, toxic traits can disguise themselves as self-assurance, making it hard to spot the difference. Recognising these traits can help you distinguish between healthy confidence and harmful behaviour. In reality, these qualities actually convey insecurity, self-doubt, and even plain old self-centredness at times. Proceed with caution!
1. Arrogance
At first glance, arrogance might seem like confidence because it comes with boldness and a strong attitude. But here’s the thing — while genuine confidence is about trusting yourself and your abilities, arrogance takes it a step further and adds a sense of superiority. Confident people believe in themselves; arrogant people believe they’re better than everyone else. And this attitude tends to push people away rather than earning their respect. Instead of flaunting superiority, true confidence can be quiet and humble, without the need to tear people down.
2. Dominating conversations
If you’ve ever been stuck in a conversation where one person keeps talking over you or redirecting everything back to their own experiences, you’ve seen this in action. It might seem like they’re assertive or confident, but often, it’s just insecurity disguised as a need to control the room. Real confidence allows for listening, giving everyone space to speak, and showing genuine interest in what other people have to say. True confidence doesn’t need to dominate; it encourages everyone to contribute.
3. Refusing to admit mistakes
It might seem like someone who never admits they’re wrong is confident, but this refusal to own up to mistakes is often a sign of fragility. True confidence comes with the ability to admit when you’re wrong and learn from it. By refusing to acknowledge mistakes, you’re just building a wall around yourself. Being able to show vulnerability, own your errors, and grow from them is a sign of real strength, not weakness.
4. Bragging excessively
You’ve probably come across someone who constantly brags about their achievements, possessions, or social status. While it may seem like they’re just confident, bragging is often a cover-up for deep insecurity. Genuine confidence doesn’t need constant validation from other people. If someone is constantly talking about how great they are, they’re probably compensating for self-doubt. Real confidence is quiet – it doesn’t need to shout.
5. Dismissing other people’s opinions
Someone who dismisses other people’s opinions or belittles what people have to say might seem like they have rock-solid confidence, but in reality, it’s a sign of insecurity. Confident people don’t feel threatened by differing views; they can listen without feeling like their own beliefs are in danger. If someone can’t handle opinions that differ from their own, it’s a clear sign that their confidence is more about control than true self-assurance.
6. Being overly competitive
A little competition is healthy, but when someone’s constantly trying to win at any cost, it can be a sign of insecurity. They might seem driven and ambitious, but their need to “beat” everyone often comes from a fear of failure. True confidence doesn’t need to put anyone down to feel good about itself. If someone is always trying to one-up everyone, it’s a sign they’re not as secure as they might want you to think.
7. Belittling people
Real confidence lifts people up, while false confidence brings everyone down. Belittling someone to make yourself feel better is a classic sign of insecurity. It’s an attempt to elevate oneself by tearing other people down. Confident people don’t need to put people in a lower position to feel good about themselves; they know that everyone has value. If someone consistently makes you feel small, it’s a red flag that their confidence isn’t real.
8. Acting like they know everything
There’s a big difference between being knowledgeable and acting like you know everything. Someone who always claims to have all the answers often does so to mask insecurity. Confident people aren’t afraid to admit when they don’t know something. They’re open to learning and growing, whereas those who pretend to know it all are often afraid of looking vulnerable. True confidence involves being comfortable with your limitations.
9. Constantly trying to get attention
Some people might seem like they’re confident because they’re always in the spotlight, but this is often a sign of a need for constant validation. Real confidence doesn’t rely on being the centre of attention. Confident people are comfortable whether they’re in the limelight or flying under the radar. If someone is always seeking attention or approval from other people, it’s a sign they’re looking to fill an inner void with external recognition.
10. Refusing to ask for help
There’s nothing wrong with being self-reliant, but refusing to ask for help when it’s needed is often rooted in fear of looking weak. True confidence understands that asking for help is not a sign of weakness; it’s a sign of strength and self-awareness. Confident people know when they need support and aren’t afraid to reach out. If someone refuses help even when it’s clear they need it, it’s likely they’re too afraid of appearing vulnerable.
11. Being unnecessarily confrontational
Standing up for yourself is healthy, but constantly looking for drama or picking fights is a sign of insecurity. Confident people can assert themselves without being aggressive. Constant confrontation often comes from a place of defensiveness or the need to protect one’s ego. If someone is always looking for a fight, they might be struggling with insecurity underneath it all.
12. Never showing vulnerability
The idea of never showing vulnerability might seem like strength, but in reality, it’s a defence mechanism. Genuine confidence allows for vulnerability because it shows authenticity and emotional depth. If someone is constantly pretending to have no weaknesses, it’s likely they’re scared of being seen as imperfect. Real confidence involves being open and honest about who you are — flaws and all.
13. Dismissing constructive criticism
When someone can’t handle feedback or constantly gets defensive, it often points to insecurity. Confident people welcome constructive criticism because they see it as a chance to grow. If someone constantly dismisses helpful advice, it’s a sign they’re more concerned about protecting their image than improving themselves. True confidence means being open to feedback, not dismissing it.
14. Always needing to be right
The need to be right in every situation often stems from a fear of being seen as weak or vulnerable. True confidence means valuing truth over pride and being okay with admitting when you’re wrong. If you’re constantly trying to prove that you’re right, you’re probably more focused on protecting your ego than actually seeking the truth. It’s okay to be wrong — in fact, it shows a level of self-assurance that you’re not afraid to learn and grow.
15. Flaunting material success
Displaying wealth or success might seem like confidence, but it’s often an attempt to cover up insecurity. People who are truly confident don’t need material possessions to validate their worth. Their self-esteem comes from within, not from what they own. If someone constantly flaunts their material success, it’s a sign that they’re using possessions to fill an emotional gap.
16. Being dismissive of other people’s feelings
Ignoring or dismissing other people’s feelings might seem like strength, but it’s actually a sign of emotional avoidance. Real confidence includes empathy and understanding. Dismissing other people’s motions is often a way to avoid confronting one’s own insecurities or fears. Confident people can acknowledge and respect the feelings of those around them, without needing to shut them down.
