Parenting isn’t easy, and sometimes, despite your best intentions, you might end up creating or even encouraging some unpleasant traits in your kids.
If you notice them exhibiting any of the following behaviours, they have narcissistic tendencies that make them self-centred, dismissive, and potentially devoid of empathy for other people. While it’s not all your fault, and it’s not the end of the world, the sooner you recognise these qualities in your children, the sooner you can start to address (and hopefully quash) them.
1. They constantly demand to be the centre of attention.
If your child consistently hogs the spotlight and becomes visibly upset when they’re not the focus, it might be a sign of narcissistic tendencies. This behaviour goes beyond normal childhood desires for attention and manifests as an inability to share the limelight or celebrate other people’s achievements. They might interrupt conversations, show off excessively, or become sulky when they’re not receiving constant praise or admiration.
2. They struggle to accept criticism or feedback.
Narcissistic children often react disproportionately to constructive criticism. They might become defensive, angry, or even hostile when faced with feedback, no matter how gently it’s delivered. Such an extreme sensitivity to criticism stems from a fragile self-esteem that can’t tolerate any perceived threats. As a result, they may refuse to acknowledge their mistakes or areas for improvement, which can really hold back their personal growth and learning.
3. They lack empathy for other people’s feelings.
A key indicator of narcissistic behaviour is an inability to understand or care about anyone else’s feelings. Your child might show little concern when friends or family members are upset, or they might struggle to see situations from perspectives apart from their own. A lack of empathy can manifest in various ways, from ignoring people’s distress to actively mocking or belittling people’s feelings.
4. They believe rules don’t apply to them.
Narcissistic children often display a sense of entitlement that leads them to disregard rules or boundaries. They might consistently break household rules, ignore school regulations, or flout social norms without remorse. When confronted about their behaviour, they often have elaborate justifications for why the rules shouldn’t apply to them, demonstrating a belief in their own exceptionalism.
5. They exaggerate their abilities and accomplishments.
While it’s normal for children to be proud of their achievements, narcissistic kids tend to inflate their abilities beyond reality. They might claim to be the best at everything, exaggerate their roles in group projects, or lie about their accomplishments. This usually stems from a need to be seen as superior and can lead to difficulties in forming genuine relationships based on honesty and mutual respect.
6. They manipulate people to get what they want.
Narcissistic children often develop sophisticated manipulation tactics to achieve their goals. They might use charm, guilt-tripping, or even threats to coerce people into doing what they want. It can be particularly evident in their interactions with siblings, where they might consistently manoeuvre situations to their advantage, regardless of fairness or other people’s feelings.
7. They don’t have many friends and struggle to make them.
While they might have a circle of acquaintances, narcissistic children often struggle to form deep, meaningful friendships. Their relationships tend to be superficial and based on what other people can do for them rather than mutual care and support. They might frequently change friend groups or complain about people being “jealous” of them when friendships inevitably falter due to their self-centred behaviour.
8. They show a lack of gratitude.
Narcissistic children often take things for granted and rarely express genuine gratitude. They might view gifts, favours, or kind gestures as their due rather than something to be appreciated. Their lack of gratitude extends beyond material things to include time, effort, and emotional support provided by other people. They might even complain about gifts or gestures that don’t meet their exacting standards.
9. They have an inflated sense of self-importance.
Children with narcissistic tendencies often view themselves as inherently better than everyone else. Such an inflated self-image goes beyond healthy self-esteem and manifests as a belief that they are more special, more talented, or more deserving than their peers or even adults. They might expect preferential treatment in all situations and become indignant when they’re treated as equals.
10. They struggle with taking responsibility for their actions.
When things go wrong, narcissistic children are quick to blame people or external circumstances. They have difficulty acknowledging their own mistakes or accepting responsibility for negative outcomes. Blame-shifting can be seen in various contexts, from academic performance to social interactions. They might craft elaborate excuses or point fingers at other people to avoid facing their own shortcomings.
11. They display a sense of entitlement.
Narcissistic children often believe they deserve special privileges or treatment without having to earn them. They might demand expensive gifts, insist on being served first, or expect people to accommodate their whims without question. Their sense of entitlement can lead to a lot of disappointment and anger when the world doesn’t cater to their expectations.
12. They show little interest in other people’s lives or experiences.
In conversations, narcissistic children tend to dominate and show little genuine interest in anyone else. They might quickly steer discussions back to themselves or appear bored when not the focus of attention. Their self-centredness can be particularly evident in group settings, where they struggle to engage in reciprocal conversations or show curiosity about people’s experiences and opinions.
13. They have extreme reactions to perceived slights.
Narcissistic children often respond disproportionately to minor offences or perceived insults. A slight criticism or being overlooked can trigger intense anger, sulking, or even vengeful behaviour. As it turns out, hypersensitivity stems from a fragile self-esteem that views any form of slight, real or imagined, as a major threat to their inflated self-image.
14. They constantly compare themselves to other people.
While comparison is normal to some extent, narcissistic children take it to an extreme. They’re constantly measuring themselves against other people, always with the expectation of coming out on top. This behaviour can manifest as putting people down to elevate themselves, or becoming envious and resentful when they see people as outperforming them in any area.
15. They struggle with delayed gratification.
Narcissistic children often have difficulty waiting for rewards or dealing with disappointment. They expect immediate fulfilment of their desires and may become angry or manipulative when asked to wait. Their inability to delay gratification can lead to impulsive behaviour and difficulty in achieving long-term goals that require patience and perseverance.
16. They have difficulty admitting they don’t know something.
Rather than viewing not knowing as an opportunity to learn, narcissistic children often pretend to have knowledge they lack. They might make up answers, change the subject, or become defensive when their lack of knowledge is exposed. They likely have a fear of appearing less than perfect, which can significantly harm their ability to learn and grow from new experiences and information.
