Narcissists are well-versed in very manipulation tactic in the book, that’s for sure.
They’ll pull out all the stops to ensure they keep their victim under their control, and one of the biggest tools they use to do this is money. Getting into a relationship with a narcissist will no doubt lead to a lot of tension and stress surrounding finances, largely because they’ll use them against you to keep you compliant and limit your ability to get away from them. Here are some ways they use money as one of their favourite weapons.
1. They control all the finances.
A narcissist often takes full charge of the money, making sure they manage every single dollar. This way, they keep their partner dependent on them, limiting their ability to make any financial decisions or become independent. They’ll often say it’s because they’re “better at handling money” or that they’re doing it “for the good of the family.” But really, it’s all about having control and keeping you financially tied to them.
2. They withhold financial information.
Keeping their partner in the dark about the financial state of the household is another way narcissists hold power. They might not share details about income, investments, or debts, so their partner has no idea what’s going on. This keeps you from making informed decisions, leaving you feeling helpless and unsure. They’ll often claim they’re just trying to protect you from stress or that it’s “too complicated” for you to understand.
3. They use money to create obligations.
Narcissists love to be seen as generous, but there’s always a catch. If they treat you to a fancy dinner or give you an expensive gift, they’ll expect something in return later. They’ll remind you of their “kindness” and use it to guilt you into doing what they want. You’ll feel indebted to them, even if you didn’t ask for those grand gestures in the first place. This tactic keeps you hooked and constantly feeling like you owe them something.
4. They criticise their partner’s spending habits.
No matter how small or necessary the purchase, a narcissist will find a way to make you feel bad about it. They’ll constantly nitpick your spending and make you second-guess every financial decision. By doing this, they justify their control over the money and make you feel like you’re irresponsible. It’s another way they undermine your confidence and make you more reliant on them.
5. They use money to punish.
If you do something they don’t like, a narcissist might withhold money to make a point. Suddenly, you can’t access funds for essentials, or they cancel plans to buy something you’ve been saving for. It’s a power move that makes you feel small and at their mercy. They’ll usually frame it as teaching you a lesson about responsibility, but in reality, it’s just financial abuse.
6. They make unilateral financial decisions.
Narcissists tend to make big financial decisions—like buying a car or investing—without consulting their partner. It’s not just inconsiderate, it’s a way of asserting dominance. By acting without your input, they reinforce that they’re in control, and you’re just along for the ride. They’ll justify it by saying they “know better” or that asking you would have been a waste of time.
7. They create financial chaos.
Some narcissists deliberately mess up the money situation, leaving their partner constantly scrambling to fix things. Late bills, surprise debts, and general financial instability keep you stressed and distracted. That way, you’re too busy worrying about the next crisis to focus on how they’re controlling everything. They’ll often claim they’re doing their best, but just “can’t catch a break.”
8. They use money to show off.
Source: Unsplash Narcissists love spending big on flashy things, even if the family can’t afford it. They’ll buy expensive clothes, cars, or gadgets to feed their ego, leaving their partner to worry about the actual finances. While you’re stressing over bills, they’ll justify their spending by saying it’s necessary for their image or career. It’s all about looking good to other people, regardless of the cost.
9. They refuse to contribute fairly.
Source: Unsplash Even if both partners are earning, a narcissist might dodge paying their fair share of household expenses. They’ll keep more of their income for themselves, while you’re left to cover the bills. And if you bring it up, they’ll act like you’re being unreasonable or ungrateful. They might say it’s their money to do with as they please, leaving you financially stressed and resentful.
10. They create financial dependence.
Source: Unsplash A narcissist might discourage you from working or pursuing a career, making it harder for you to be financially independent. They’ll dress it up as being “supportive” of your personal pursuits, but really, it’s a way to keep you reliant on them. The less income you have, the harder it is to leave, so they maintain control by keeping you dependent.
11. They use money to maintain appearances.
Source: Unsplash They’ll insist on living a life they can’t afford just to keep up appearances. Whether it’s dining at fancy restaurants or buying the latest gadgets, they prioritise their image over financial stability. You’re left worrying about debt while they claim it’s all part of maintaining their social or professional status. It’s all about impressing other people, even if it means financial ruin.
12. They manipulate through guilt.
Source: Unsplash Narcissists love to remind you of all the financial “sacrifices” they’ve made for the relationship. They use this to guilt you into going along with whatever they want. You’ll feel indebted to them for their so-called generosity, even if their sacrifices were exaggerated or self-serving. It’s just another way they maintain control by making you feel like you owe them.
13. They use money to isolate their partner.
Source: Unsplash By limiting access to money for social activities or personal interests, they make sure you rely on them for companionship and support. They’ll justify it by calling it “budgeting” or saying it’s better for the family, but really, they’re keeping you cut off from other people and options. It’s a sneaky way to isolate you while pretending they’re being responsible.
14. They hide assets.
Source: Unsplash Narcissists might secretly stash money or hide valuable assets to ensure they have a safety net, leaving you vulnerable. This way, they have more control if the relationship falls apart. If you catch them, they’ll likely brush it off as being practical or preparing for the future, but in reality, they want you in the dark and at a disadvantage.
15. They use money to maintain power dynamics.
Source: Unsplash Some narcissists will give their partner an “allowance” or make them ask for money like a child. It’s a humiliating tactic that reinforces who’s in control and keeps their partner feeling powerless. They’ll claim it’s about managing finances or helping with budgeting, but it’s really about making sure you know who’s boss.
16. They weaponise generosity.
Source: Unsplash Every once in a while, a narcissist will shower you with gifts or extra money, but it’s never without strings attached. Their generosity is fleeting, and they can withdraw it just as quickly. This leaves you constantly on edge, never knowing when they’ll pull the rug out from under you. They’ll claim their generosity isn’t appreciated or that circumstances have changed, but it’s just another tactic to keep you off balance and dependent.
