It’s hard enough getting the courage to express how you’re feeling, and some people will do whatever they can to make it even more difficult.
Maybe they’re uncomfortable with deep conversations, they’re afraid of what you’re going to say, or they simply don’t care about anyone but themselves, they really don’t want you to voice your feelings. So, how do you know when someone is trying to shut you up? They’ll do these things.
1. They change the subject when you try to open up.
You’re finally ready to talk about something important, and suddenly, they’re chatting about the weather or what’s for dinner. It’s frustrating when someone steers the conversation away from your feelings, leaving you feeling unheard and a bit lost.
2. They minimise your emotions and tell you it’s not a big deal.
When you share something that’s bothering you, they brush it off with a “Don’t worry about it” or “It’s not that bad”. Their dismissive attitude can make you question whether your feelings are valid, even when they absolutely are.
3. They dominate the conversation and don’t let you get a word in.
Some people just love the sound of their own voice. They’ll talk over you, interrupt, or monopolise the chat. It’s hard to express yourself when you can’t even finish a sentence without being cut off.
4. They use humour to deflect serious conversations.
Cracking jokes can be great, but not when you’re trying to have a heart-to-heart. If someone constantly turns your attempts at serious discussion into a comedy routine, it can feel like they’re not taking your feelings seriously.
5. They give unsolicited advice instead of listening.
You open up about a problem, hoping for a sympathetic ear, and they immediately jump into problem-solving mode. While they might mean well, sometimes you just need someone to listen, not fix things for you.
6. They make everything about themselves.
You start sharing your feelings, and suddenly the conversation has shifted to their experiences. It’s hard to express yourself when someone keeps turning the spotlight back on themselves.
7. They use guilt or manipulation to shut you down.
When you try to express negative feelings, they might say things like “After all I’ve done for you” or “I guess I’m just a terrible person then”. Such blatant emotional manipulation can make you feel guilty for having feelings at all.
8. They become defensive and turn it into an argument.
You’re trying to share how you feel, and suddenly, you’re in the middle of a heated debate. When someone gets defensive instead of listening, it can turn a potential heart-to-heart into a full-blown row.
9. They invalidate your feelings by comparing them to other people’s.
Phrases like “Well, some people have it much worse” can make you feel like your problems don’t matter. Being thrust into a comparison game minimises your experiences and can stop you from opening up in the future.
10. They use physical cues to show they’re not interested.
Sometimes it’s not what they say, but what they do. Checking their phone, looking away, or sighing heavily while you’re talking can make you feel like your feelings aren’t important enough to hold their attention.
11. They respond with toxic positivity.
While optimism is great, too much of it can be harmful. If someone responds to your genuine concerns with “Just think positive!” or “Good vibes only!”, it can feel like they’re dismissing the complexity of your emotions.
12. They use your past against you.
When you try to express yourself, they bring up old mistakes or times you’ve been wrong before. This tactic can make you doubt yourself and hesitate to share your feelings in the future.
13. They make you feel silly for being emotional.
Comments like “Don’t be so sensitive” or “You’re overreacting” can make you feel ashamed for having feelings. Such a belittling attitude can stop you from expressing yourself honestly.
14. They use silence as a weapon.
Sometimes, it’s not what people say, but what they don’t say. If someone responds to your attempts to open up with stony silence, it can be incredibly discouraging and make you feel like you’re talking to a brick wall.
15. They make you feel like a burden for having feelings.
Some people might sigh heavily or say things like “Not this again” when you try to express yourself. This can make you feel like your emotions are a nuisance, discouraging you from sharing in the future.
16. They use your vulnerability against you later.
If someone uses the feelings you’ve shared in confidence as ammunition in future arguments or discussions, it can make you wary of opening up again. Such a massive breach of trust can seriously damage your ability to express yourself freely.
