Parenting isn’t a walk in the park, and it’s pretty normal to have made a few blunders along the way. But if you’re feeling like some of those missteps might still be affecting your relationship with your adult children, it’s never too late to try to mend things. Here are a few ideas to get you started, but remember, it’s all about finding what works for you and your family.
1. Have a heart-to-heart chat, but on their terms.
Open up a conversation, but don’t force it. Let them know you’re ready to listen whenever they’re comfortable talking. Don’t rush them or expect an immediate response. Building trust and healing takes time.
2. Own up to your mistakes and say those two magic words.
Take responsibility for your actions and admit where you went wrong. Say “I’m sorry” without any “buts” or excuses. It might be awkward or uncomfortable, but it’s a crucial first step towards healing.
3. Let them have their say without getting defensive.
Listen to their feelings and experiences without interrupting or trying to justify your past behaviour. Show them that you understand their pain and respect their perspective. It’s about validating their emotions, not defending yours.
4. Don’t try to sugar coat or downplay their feelings.
Acknowledge their pain and avoid phrases like “It wasn’t that bad” or “You’re overreacting.” Their feelings are valid, even if you don’t fully understand them. Remember, you’re trying to build bridges, not dismiss their emotions.
5. Show them you’ve changed through your actions.
Words are important, but actions speak louder. Demonstrate your commitment to change by actively working on your relationship with them. Be reliable, supportive, and respectful of their boundaries. Show them that you’re a different parent now.
6. Find ways to connect on a deeper level.
Try to understand their interests, hobbies, or passions. Share yours with them too. Find common ground and activities you can enjoy together. It could be anything from cooking a meal to watching a film or simply chatting over a cuppa.
7. Don’t dwell on the past, but focus on building a new future.
Source: Unsplash While acknowledging past mistakes is important, don’t let them define your relationship now. Focus on creating new, positive memories together. Look forward to the future and all the good things you can share as a family.
8. Ask for help if you’re struggling to navigate this on your own.
Family therapy or counselling can be a helpful resource if you’re finding it difficult to mend fences. A therapist can provide guidance and support to both you and your children, helping you to communicate better and rebuild trust.
9. Be patient and don’t give up easily.
Healing takes time, and your adult children might not immediately forgive or forget. Don’t get discouraged if they seem distant or hesitant at first. Keep showing up, being consistent, and demonstrating your love and support. Your patience and perseverance will eventually pay off.
10. Remember, it’s about progress, not perfection.
You don’t have to be the perfect parent to have a good relationship with your adult children. Everyone makes mistakes, and it’s okay to not have all the answers. Focus on making genuine efforts to connect, understand, and support them, and they’ll appreciate your efforts.
11. Give them space if they need it.
Sometimes, the best way to show respect and understanding is to give your adult children some space. They might need time to process their emotions, reflect on your relationship, and decide how they want to move forward. Respect their need for space and be there for them when they’re ready to reconnect.
12. Don’t expect them to be your emotional support system.
While it’s important to share your feelings and experiences with your children, remember that they’re not responsible for your emotional well-being. Get support from friends, therapists, or support groups if you need help processing your emotions or navigating this journey.
13. Learn from your past mistakes and strive to be a better parent to your younger children (if applicable).
Source: Unsplash If you have younger children, use this experience as an opportunity to learn and grow as a parent. Reflect on the lessons you’ve learned, apply them to your current parenting style, and strive to create a healthier, happier family dynamic for everyone.
14. Celebrate the small victories and milestones along the way.
Mending relationships is a journey, not a destination. Celebrate the small victories and milestones you achieve together. It could be a shared laugh, a heartfelt conversation, or simply spending quality time together. These moments are precious and signify progress in your healing journey.
15. Show gratitude for their willingness to work on your relationship.
Express your appreciation for your adult children’s willingness to work on your relationship. It takes courage and vulnerability to open up and share their feelings. Let them know how much you value their efforts and how grateful you are for their presence in your life.
16. Remember, love and forgiveness can heal even the deepest wounds.
Don’t lose hope, even if the path seems challenging. Love and forgiveness have immense power to heal even the deepest wounds. By taking responsibility, showing empathy, and actively working on your relationship, you can create a new chapter in your family story – one filled with love, understanding, and mutual respect.
