We all strive to be kind and compassionate, but sometimes, our actions can unintentionally hurt the people we care about.
It’s easy to overlook these subtle behaviours, especially when we don’t mean any harm. However, recognising these unintentional acts of cruelty is the first step towards becoming a more considerate and empathetic person. It’s about self-reflection and understanding the impact our actions have on other people, even when our intentions are good.
1. You dismiss someone’s feelings.
Maybe a friend is venting about a tough situation, and you jump in with a quick solution or a “look on the bright side” comment. While you might be trying to help, dismissing their emotions can make them feel invalidated and unheard. Sometimes, people just need a listening ear and a shoulder to cry on, not a lecture or advice.
2. You make jokes at someone else’s expense.
Source: Unsplash Humour is a great way to connect with people, but when jokes consistently target someone’s insecurities or vulnerabilities, it crosses the line into cruelty. What might seem like harmless teasing to you could be deeply hurtful to them. Remember, everyone has their sensitivities, and it’s important to be mindful of them.
3. You interrupt people constantly.
Interrupting someone when they’re speaking sends the message that their thoughts and opinions are not as important as yours. It’s a subtle form of disrespect that can destroy trust and damage relationships. Practice active listening and wait for your turn to speak. It shows that you value the other person and what they have to say.
4. You offer backhanded compliments.
Source: Unsplash A backhanded compliment is a disguised insult, often delivered with a smile. For example, saying, “You look great for your age” implies that they shouldn’t look good because of their age. Even if your intentions are good, these types of compliments can be hurtful and undermine the recipient’s confidence.
5. You make comparisons that make people feel inadequate.
Source: Unsplash Comparing someone to anyone else, especially in a way that highlights their shortcomings, can be incredibly damaging to their self-esteem. It’s important to remember that everyone is unique and has their own strengths and weaknesses. Focus on celebrating individual achievements and avoid making comparisons that can breed resentment and insecurity.
6. You give unsolicited advice.
Source: Unsplash While you might think you’re being helpful by offering advice, it can often come across as condescending or judgmental. Unless someone specifically asks for your opinion, it’s best to refrain from giving unsolicited advice. Respect their autonomy and let them make their own decisions.
7. You flake on plans or commitments.
Consistently cancelling plans or failing to follow through on commitments can make people feel like you don’t value their time or friendship. It can also lead to feelings of disappointment and resentment. If you’re someone who struggles with flakiness, try to be more mindful of how your actions affect other people. Be honest about your limitations and set realistic expectations.
8. You’re always late.
Chronic lateness can be perceived as a sign of disrespect. It suggests that you don’t value the other person’s time enough to be punctual. Make an effort to be on time, and if you’re running late, communicate it as soon as possible. A simple apology can go a long way in showing that you care.
9. You overshare personal information.
While sharing personal stories and experiences can be a way to connect with people, oversharing can make people uncomfortable. It’s important to be mindful of boundaries and gauge the other person’s comfort level before divulging too much information. Respect their privacy and avoid putting them in awkward situations by oversharing.
10. You talk over people or finish their sentences.
Talking over someone or finishing their sentences can be perceived as dismissive and disrespectful. It signals that you’re not really listening to what they have to say and that you’re more interested in your own thoughts and opinions. Give them space to express themselves fully and avoid interrupting their flow.
11. You make assumptions about people based on stereotypes.
Stereotypes are harmful generalisations that can lead to prejudice and discrimination. Avoid making assumptions about people based on their race, gender, sexual orientation, religion, or any other factor. Instead, get to know them as individuals and treat them with respect and fairness.
12. You gossip or spread rumours.
Gossip and rumours can be incredibly damaging to someone’s reputation and well-being. Even if you don’t intend to cause harm, spreading gossip or rumours can contribute to a toxic environment and hurt the person being talked about. Choose to be a source of positivity and support, not negativity and gossip.
13. You ignore someone’s requests or boundaries.
When someone sets a boundary, it’s important to respect it. Ignoring their requests or pushing their limits can make them feel disrespected and violated. Pay attention to their verbal and non-verbal cues, and be willing to adjust your behaviour accordingly.
14. You’re always the centre of attention.
While it’s great to be outgoing and charismatic, constantly hogging the spotlight can make people feel overlooked and unimportant. Make an effort to share the spotlight, listen to other people’s stories, and celebrate their achievements. This shows that you value them as individuals and that you’re not just interested in your own self-promotion.
15. You forget important dates or occasions.
Forgetting birthdays, anniversaries, or other important dates can make people feel unimportant and unappreciated. It shows that you’re not paying attention to the things that matter to them. Make an effort to remember these special occasions, even if it means setting reminders or writing them down in a calendar. It’s a small gesture that can have a big impact on how loved and valued they feel.
16. You make promises you don’t keep.
Breaking promises can be incredibly hurtful, especially when it happens repeatedly. It makes it hard for people to rely on you. If you find yourself making promises you can’t keep, it’s time to re-evaluate your commitments. Be honest about your limitations and only promise what you can realistically deliver.
