Dealing with a narcissist is never not exhausting — all they do is twist conversations, point the finger, and try to gaslight you into oblivion.
The good thing is that you don’t have to play their game. Sometimes, the best way to retake control is to respond in calm, clear, and clever ways that stop them in their tracks. If you’re ready to turn the tables and put a narcissist in their place, peppering some of these phrases into your next conversation might do you some good.
1. “I’m not going to argue with you about this.”
Narcissists thrive on drama, and they’ll happily drag you into a never-ending debate just to keep the upper hand. This response takes away their favourite tool: escalation. By refusing to engage, you’re letting them know the conversation isn’t going where they want it to.
2. “That’s your opinion, not a fact.”
Narcissists love to present their opinions as the absolute truth, expecting you to fall in line. Pointing out the difference, calmly and without emotion, reminds them that you’re not buying into their version of reality. It’s a subtle way to stand your ground without starting a full-blown fight.
3. “I see things differently.”
This is a polite but firm way to make it clear you’re not on the same page. It shows you’re holding your own perspective without directly challenging theirs. Narcissists hate losing control of the narrative, so this kind of gentle pushback can leave them spinning.
4. “Let’s focus on solving the problem, not assigning blame.”
Narcissists are experts at shifting blame to everyone but themselves. This phrase stops their finger-pointing game and shifts the focus to what actually matters. They might not like it, but it denies them the chance to derail the conversation with accusations.
5. “I don’t appreciate the tone you’re using.”
Narcissists often use condescending or aggressive language to assert dominance. Calling it out calmly lets them know you’re not going to tolerate being spoken to disrespectfully. It’s a subtle but powerful way to reclaim the dynamic.
6. “How you feel is your responsibility, not mine.”
If you’ve ever been guilt-tripped by a narcissist, you know how exhausting it can be. This sets a clear boundary, reminding them that their emotions are their own to manage. It’s not your job to carry their feelings for them.
7. “We don’t need to agree on everything.”
Narcissists often push for total agreement as a way to validate themselves. By stating that it’s okay to disagree, you’re refusing to play into their need for control. It also shows you’re comfortable standing by your own perspective.
8. “Tell me more about that.”
Sometimes, the best way to handle a narcissist is to let them talk. Asking them to elaborate can reveal inconsistencies in their story or force them to explain their behaviour. Staying curious and neutral shifts the dynamic without giving them ammunition.
9. “I’ll think about it.”
When a narcissist pressures you for an immediate answer, this phrase gives you breathing room. It shows you’re not going to be rushed into a decision, and it puts the control back in your hands.
10. “I’ll think about it.”
When a narcissist pressures you for an immediate answer, this phrase gives you breathing room. It shows you’re not going to be rushed into a decision, and it puts the control back in your hands.
11. “Why does that matter to you?”
This question flips the script, putting the spotlight on their motives. It forces them to explain themselves, which can throw them off balance. Sometimes, a little curiosity is all it takes to regain control of the conversation.
12. “That’s not something I’m willing to discuss right now.”
Narcissists love to push boundaries, often steering conversations into uncomfortable or overly personal territory. This shuts that down and makes it clear you’re in charge of what you share.
13. “Let’s take a break and come back to this.”
When a conversation with a narcissist starts spiralling into an argument or feels overwhelming, stepping away is one of the most powerful things you can do. It prevents the discussion from escalating and gives you a chance to clear your head. Narcissists often thrive on keeping you emotionally charged, so pausing the interaction takes away their opportunity to provoke further. It also signals that you’re in control of your participation and won’t engage on their terms.
14. “I’ll decide when I’m ready.”
Source: Unsplash Narcissists love to rush decisions, often making it feel like you have no choice but to act immediately. By calmly stating that you’ll take your time, you’re reclaiming control over your decision-making. This response also sets a firm boundary that you’re not going to be pressured into doing what they want. It reinforces your independence and reminds them that you’re the one calling the shots in your life—not them.
15. “I don’t see how that’s relevant to this conversation.”
Source: Unsplash When a narcissist tries to derail a conversation with unrelated points or distractions, this helps you steer things back on track. Narcissists often use this tactic to confuse or frustrate you, so calling it out shows you’re paying attention and staying focused. It’s a subtle way of showing that you’re in control of the direction of the discussion. Staying grounded like this also keeps you from getting caught up in their attempts to shift blame or muddy the waters.
16. “I don’t need your approval to feel good about myself.”
Source: Unsplash Narcissists often rely on making people feel like they need their approval to feel good about themselves. By saying this, you’re breaking that cycle and asserting your confidence. It’s a reminder that your self-worth isn’t tied to their opinion. It can be particularly effective because it challenges the power dynamic they’re trying to establish, leaving them with little room to argue. It’s a quiet but firm statement of independence that leaves no room for manipulation.
17. “That’s not going to work for me.”
When a narcissist pushes you to comply with their demands, this is a straightforward way to hold your ground. It’s firm but non-confrontational, showing you’ve made up your mind without inviting further debate. Adding this kind of clarity can stop their manipulative attempts in their tracks because it leaves no wiggle room for negotiation. Standing by what’s best for you reminds the narcissist that their influence over you has limits—and that’s a message worth sending.
