Being made to feel like your feelings is a terrible experience.
It makes you question whether you’re overreacting or seeing things in a way that doesn’t truly reflect reality, when that’s likely not the case at all. Instead of letting the people who do this make you doubt yourself, start saying these things to them instead. Your feelings are valid, and it’s important to stand up for yourself.
1. “My feelings matter, and I’d appreciate being heard.”
Saying this lets the other person know you’re not dismissing their viewpoint but are simply asking for a basic level of respect. It gently reminds them that everyone’s emotions are valid, even if they don’t fully understand yours. This phrase encourages a respectful dialogue rather than a confrontation, helping them see that brushing off your feelings only builds walls between you.
2. “This isn’t about being right or wrong.”
When emotions are involved, it’s not about winning an argument or proving a point. This phrase helps refocus the conversation on understanding rather than debating. It reminds the other person that sometimes feelings don’t fit neatly into right or wrong boxes; they just are. It encourages them to stop trying to “fix” how you feel and instead just listen.
3. “Let me help you understand what I’m feeling.”
This opens up the chance for a deeper, more honest conversation. Rather than expecting the other person to immediately get where you’re coming from, it shows you’re willing to explain. It’s a gentle way of encouraging empathy, inviting them to understand your perspective without feeling blamed or attacked.
4. “I need you to take this seriously.”
By stating this, you’re emphasising the importance of what you’re sharing. It subtly nudges them to recognise that this isn’t a trivial matter to you, and that dismissing it only adds to your frustration. Sometimes people brush off feelings to avoid uncomfortable conversations, but letting them know it’s serious sets the tone for a more open and meaningful discussion.
5. “My experience is real, even if it’s different from yours.”
This acknowledges that you both may react differently to the same situation, but it doesn’t make your feelings any less valid. It’s a way of reminding them that you’re entitled to your own experience and that understanding can happen without agreement. It can be powerful for encouraging acceptance and tolerance of different perspectives.
6. “I’m not overreacting or being too sensitive.”
Labelling emotions as “overreactions” is one of the quickest ways to shut someone down. By asserting that you’re not being overly sensitive, you’re standing up for the validity of your feelings. It stops them from downplaying your experience and invites them to consider why their words or actions might have genuinely affected you.
7. “This conversation matters to me.”
Emphasising that this issue is important helps convey that you’re not bringing it up for the sake of conflict. When you let someone know it matters, it encourages them to take the discussion more seriously. It’s a gentle way of reminding them that your concerns are significant and should be treated as such.
8. “I know my own feelings best.”
No one can define your feelings better than you can. This phrase reinforces that you are the authority on your own emotions, no matter how anyone else views the situation. It encourages them to stop trying to interpret your feelings and instead trust that what you’re saying is true to your experience.
9. “Let’s try to find a middle ground.”
When emotions run high, it’s easy for conversations to turn into a stand-off. By suggesting a middle ground, you’re showing a willingness to compromise, which can make the other person more receptive. It shifts the focus from opposing sides to finding a place where both perspectives are respected.
10. “This affects our relationship.”
Highlighting the impact on your connection can make the other person realise that dismissing your feelings has real consequences. It’s a way of framing the issue as one that goes beyond the immediate conversation, reminding them that continual disregard could create long-term distance.
11. “I’m sharing this for a reason.”
By saying this, you’re reminding the other person that you wouldn’t bring it up if it wasn’t important to you. It encourages them to take a moment to consider why you felt compelled to speak out in the first place. This phrase can be a gentle reminder that ignoring the issue may harm your relationship.
12. “Your response impacts me.”
This phrase brings attention to the fact that their dismissive behaviour doesn’t just pass over you unnoticed. It highlights that their reactions have a real effect on how you feel, encouraging them to think about the influence of their words. It’s a straightforward way to make them more aware of their role in the interaction.
13. “This is part of who I am.”
Acknowledging that your feelings are an integral part of you can remind the other person that dismissing them isn’t just invalidating your thoughts – it’s invalidating a part of who you are. This encourages them to accept you as a whole person, feelings included, without expecting you to conform to their perspective.
14. “Can we pause and reset this conversation?”
Sometimes a conversation can veer off course, with emotions escalating on both sides. Suggesting a pause allows both of you to take a breather, making it easier to return with a fresh, more understanding mindset. It can stop the cycle of dismissal and create space for a calmer discussion.
15. “I deserve to be heard without judgement.”
Everyone has the right to express themselves openly, and this subtly reinforces that your feelings shouldn’t be judged or dismissed. It sets a boundary that tells the other person that you’re not looking for criticism or belittlement, but simply a chance to voice your experience.
16. “Let’s focus on understanding each other.”
When someone dismisses your feelings, it’s often because they’re focused on “right” versus “wrong.” This phrase shifts the goal to mutual understanding, creating a shared objective rather than opposing sides. It encourages both of you to see things from each other’s viewpoint, paving the way for empathy.
17. “This is about respect.”
In the end, being heard and validated is about respect. When you make this clear, you’re reminding them that respect is fundamental in any healthy relationship. This makes it clear that you don’t expect agreement, but basic consideration and acknowledgment, which are essential for trust and openness in any relationship.
