In an ideal world, every child would grow up in a stable, calm environment where they were free to experience the freedom and joy of just being a kid.
Unfortunately, that’s not the case for everyone, and growing up in an unpredictable household can have effects that last long into adulthood. If this is the kind of upbringing you had, chances are you experienced these things. Hopefully, you’ve found the support you needed as you got older to process this and move past it.
1. You never knew what to expect when you got home.
Each day felt like a surprise, and not always a pleasant one. You might have approached your front door with a mix of anticipation and dread, unsure whether you’d find a calm household or a storm of emotions waiting for you inside.
2. Your parents’ moods were like the weather — constantly changing.
One moment, everything seemed fine, and the next, the atmosphere at home could turn tense without warning. You learned to be constantly alert, trying to gauge the emotional climate and adjust your behaviour accordingly.
3. Promises rarely materialised.
Whether it was a planned outing, a promised gift, or simply quality time together, you learned not to get your hopes up. Disappointment became a familiar feeling as plans always fell through or were forgotten entirely.
4. You became the family peacekeeper.
From a young age, you might have found yourself trying to smooth over conflicts, comfort upset siblings, or calm angry parents. This role of mediator wasn’t one you chose, but one thrust upon you by circumstance.
5. Routines were non-existent.
Source: Unsplash While other children had set mealtimes, bedtimes, or homework schedules, your days lacked structure. You might have eaten dinner at 6 pm one day and 9 pm the next, never quite knowing what to expect.
6. You dreaded school holidays.
Source: Unsplash While most children looked forward to time off school, you might have preferred the predictability of the classroom. Extended periods at home meant longer exposure to the unpredictable environment, causing anxiety rather than excitement.
7. Your belongings often disappeared or were damaged.
Whether due to regular moves, careless handling, or tumultuous home life, your possessions weren’t safe. You might have learned not to get too attached to things, knowing they could vanish or break at any moment.
8. You were often left to fend for yourself.
Source: Unsplash Basic needs like meals, clean clothes, or help with homework weren’t guaranteed. You might have had to learn to cook, do laundry, or figure out schoolwork on your own from a young age.
9. Your emergency contacts were unreliable.
When school forms asked for emergency contacts, you worried. You weren’t sure if the numbers you provided would be answered or if the adults in your life would be in a state to help if needed.
10. Celebrations were hit or miss.
Birthdays, holidays, or achievements might have been overlooked or celebrated extravagantly, with no middle ground. You never knew whether to expect a party or to have the day pass without acknowledgment.
11. You were often the ‘parent’ to your siblings.
If you had younger siblings, you might have found yourself taking on a parental role, ensuring they were fed, dressed, and cared for when your actual parents were unable or unavailable to do so. That’s a lot to put on someone’s shoulders, especially when you were a kid yourself.
12. Your home environment changed all the time.
Whether due to moves, changing family dynamics, or alterations in your living space, your surroundings were constantly shifting. You might have struggled to feel settled or develop a sense of ‘home’ because you never settled enough to experience it.
13. You learned to be self-sufficient early on.
Out of necessity, you developed skills beyond your years. You might have learned to cook, manage money, or solve problems that most children your age never had to consider.
14. Expressing emotions felt risky.
In an unpredictable environment, showing how you felt could lead to unexpected reactions. You might have learned to mask your emotions, unsure whether expressing joy, sadness, or anger would be met with support or backlash.
15. You never knew if there would be enough.
Whether it was food, money, or attention, scarcity was a constant concern. You might have developed habits of hoarding or extreme frugality, never quite sure when resources would run out.
16. Your achievements often went unnoticed.
Good grades, sports victories, or personal accomplishments might have been overlooked amidst the chaos at home. You might have stopped sharing your successes, learning that they rarely received the recognition you hoped for.
17. You longed for ‘normal’ family life.
Watching TV shows or visiting friends’ homes gave you glimpses of what stable family life could be like. You might have found yourself wishing for the predictable routines and steady emotional climate that seemed so foreign to your own experience.
