Toxic people come in all shapes and sizes, but they often share a common trait: a distinct lack of self-awareness.
While they might be masters of manipulation and deflection (at least in their own minds), there are certain phrases that you’d be hard-pressed to hear them utter at any point. It’s not that they can’t say these things, it’s just that doing so would require a level of emotional intelligence and self-reflection that they just don’t have.
1. “I was wrong, and I’m sorry for how my actions affected you.”
Source: Unsplash This sentence is like kryptonite to toxic people. Admitting fault and showing genuine remorse? Not likely. For a toxic person, being wrong is tantamount to losing, and they’ll go to great lengths to avoid it. They might offer a half-hearted “sorry you felt that way” or try to twist the situation to make it seem like you’re the one at fault.
2. “You’ve made some really good points, I’ll need to rethink my position.”
Toxic people often view disagreements as battles to be won rather than opportunities for growth or understanding. The idea of changing their mind based on someone else’s input is incomprehensible to them. They’re more likely to double down on their original stance, no matter how flimsy, than to concede that someone else might have a valid perspective.
3. “I understand why you’re upset, and your feelings are valid.”
Empathy and emotional validation are not exactly strong suits for toxic people. They struggle to see things from another person’s perspective, especially if it doesn’t align with their own narrative. Instead of acknowledging your feelings, they might dismiss them as an overreaction or try to explain why you shouldn’t feel the way you do.
4. “I appreciate your honesty, even though it was hard to hear.”
Toxic people tend to have a rather prickly relationship with honest feedback. They often view criticism, no matter how constructive, as a personal attack. Thanking someone for their candour, particularly when it’s not entirely flattering, will just never happen.
5. “I’m not sure, I’ll need to do more research before I form an opinion.”
Uncertainty and the willingness to admit a lack of knowledge are not typically part of a toxic person’s repertoire. They often prefer to present themselves as all-knowing authorities, even on subjects they know precious little about. It’s incredibly annoying.
6. “I see that I’ve hurt you, how can I make amends?”
Taking responsibility for causing emotional pain and actively seeking ways to make it right is not something a toxic person will ever do. They often operate under the assumption that if someone is hurt, it’s that person’s problem to deal with. Recognising the pain they’ve caused and taking the initiative to repair the damage is never going to happen.
7. “I value your boundaries and will respect them.”
Boundaries are often seen as challenges or inconveniences by toxic people, not as healthy limits to be respected. The concept of acknowledging and valuing someone else’s personal boundaries doesn’t quite compute in their world view. They’re all about pushing against boundaries, trying to guilt you for having them, or simply ignoring them altogether.
8. “I can see how my behaviour might be perceived as controlling.”
Self-awareness about their own controlling tendencies is not exactly a strong suit for toxic people. They actually see their behaviour as helpful, necessary, or completely justified, rather than recognising how they might be overriding people’s autonomy.
9. “I don’t have all the answers, and that’s okay.”
Toxic people often have an insatiable need to be seen as the ultimate authority on, well, everything. Admitting that they don’t have all the answers is pretty unlikely — I’m talking one in a million chances here. They’d rather spout nonsense with unwavering confidence than acknowledge any gaps in their knowledge.
10. “Your success doesn’t diminish my own achievements.”
For many toxic people, life is a zero-sum game where someone else’s win must mean their loss. Genuinely celebrating another person’s success without feeling threatened is not something they can comprehend, let alone practise. Instead, they downplay your achievements, find fault in your success, or try to one-up you with their own accomplishments.
11. “I appreciate your perspective, even though it differs from mine.”
Toxic people often struggle with the idea that differing opinions can coexist without one being “right” and the other “wrong”. The notion of valuing someone else’s perspective is never going to happen. They’re more inclined to dismiss opposing viewpoints outright or launch into a debate to prove their superiority.
12. “I’m working on myself and trying to be better.”
Self-improvement requires a level of self-awareness and humility that’s often lacking in toxic people. They love to insist perfect as they are or blame other people for any issues in their life. Personal growth and taking responsibility for their own development are journeys they’re usually not willing to embark on, let alone admit to other people they’re undertaking.
13. “I may have misunderstood, could you please explain that again?”
Admitting to a misunderstanding or asking for clarification is often seen as a sign of weakness by toxic people. They’d rather pretend they understand everything perfectly than risk appearing uninformed. They’d much rather nod along in faux understanding or change the subject abruptly.
14. “I’m glad you called me out on that, I needed to hear it.”
Being called out on their behaviour is usually met with defensiveness or hostility by toxic people. They’re likely to lash out, deflect blame, or try to gaslight you into thinking you’re the one with the problem. They’ll never see constructive criticism as an opportunity for growth rather than an attack.
15. “You don’t owe me an explanation, I trust your judgment.”
Source: Unsplash Toxic people often have an insatiable need for control and information. They’re more likely to pester you for explanations, question your choices, or try to manipulate you into changing your mind. The idea of unconditional trust and respect for other people’s independence requires a level of emotional security that’s often sorely lacking in their interpersonal relationships.
16. “I’m happy for you, even though this situation didn’t work out in my favour.”
Source: Unsplash The ability to genuinely celebrate someone else’s success, especially when it comes at their own expense, is not typically in a toxic person’s emotional repertoire. This level of selflessness and empathy is about as common as finding a Brit who doesn’t have an opinion on the proper way to make tea. They like to sulk, try to sabotage your success, or find ways to make the situation about them.
17. “I don’t need credit for this, I’m just glad it worked out well.”
Source: Unsplash Toxic people often have an insatiable hunger for recognition and praise. They’d never do something helpful without broadcasting it to the world. Instead, they do whatever they can to make sure everyone knows about their contribution, no matter how small, or to sulk if they don’t receive what they deem to be adequate appreciation.
