Getting a narcissist out of your life is no small feat, especially since these toxic personality types won’t let go without a fight.
When someone does manage to rid themselves of the narcissist, they immediately become the narcissist’s mortal enemy, even though they did nothing wrong. Regardless of the fact that the narcissist was undoubtedly at fault for the relationship going wrong, they’ll still talk about their former partner in some pretty terrible ways.
1. They claim their ex was “crazy”.
This is a classic narcissist move. They’ll label their ex as “crazy” or “unstable” to discredit any negative things the ex might say about them. It’s an easy way for them to dodge responsibility for their own behaviour in the relationship. The truth is that getting rid of them is the sanest thing their ex could have ever done!
2. They insist they were “too good” for their ex.
Narcissists often portray themselves as the catch that got away. They’ll go on about how their ex didn’t deserve them or appreciate what they had. It’s all about boosting their own ego while putting down their former partner.
3. They claim their ex is still obsessed with them.
Even if their ex is now in a new relationship, a narcissist will still claim that their former partner is still hung up on them. They love the idea of being irresistible and unforgettable, even if it’s far from the truth. They might even accuse their ex of stalking them or being obsessed with them, even when it’s blatantly clear that they’ve moved on.
4. They take credit for their ex’s successes.
If their ex has done well since the breakup, a narcissist will claim it’s all down to them. They’ll say it was their influence or support that led to their ex’s achievements, completely dismissing their ex’s own efforts and abilities. Nine times out of 10, their ex succeeded despite them, not because of them!
5. They play the victim.
Narcissists often paint themselves as the wronged party in the relationship. They’ll go on about how much they sacrificed or how badly they were treated, conveniently leaving out their own misdeeds. They want people’s pity, and they’ll make up complete lies to get it.
6. They claim their ex “changed” after they got together.
To explain why they initially got into the relationship, narcissists will say that their ex became someone they didn’t recognise the longer the relationship went on. This lets them maintain their image of having high standards while explaining away the failed relationship. The only thing they didn’t recognise was someone who didn’t want to put up with their bad behaviour anymore!
7. They brag about how devastated their ex was by the breakup.
Source: Unsplash Narcissists love to feel important, so they tend to exaggerate how heartbroken their ex was when they split up. They’ll talk about desperate phone calls or attempts to win them back, whether these happened or not.
8. They claim they “saved” their ex.
Source: Unsplash A narcissist will always portray their ex as a mess before they came along. They’ll brag about how they “fixed” their ex or “saved” them from a terrible life, positioning themselves as the hero of the story. In reality, their ex was probably way better off before they met the narcissist!
9. They downplay the length or seriousness of the relationship.
Source: Unsplash If the relationship ended badly, a narcissist will try to minimise its importance. They’ll claim it wasn’t serious or didn’t last long, even if they were together for years or were engaged or married. It’s absolutely nuts!
10. They blame their ex for their own bad behaviour.
Source: Unsplash If a narcissist cheated or treated their ex poorly, they’ll find a way to make it the ex’s fault. They might claim their ex “drove them to it” or “didn’t meet their needs”, absolving themselves of responsibility. Anyone with a working brain knows this wasn’t the case.
11. They exaggerate their own positive qualities in the relationship.
Source: Unsplash A narcissist will always portray themselves as the perfect partner. They’ll go on about how generous, loving, and supportive they were, often exaggerating or completely fabricating their positive behaviours in the relationship (which weren’t many).
12. They claim their ex was jealous of them.
Source: Unsplash Narcissists think they’re better than everyone else, so they might claim their ex was jealous of their looks, success, or popularity. This feeds into their grandiose self-image while putting down their ex.
13. They insist they “never really loved” their ex.
Source: Unsplash To protect their ego after a breakup, a narcissist might claim they never really cared about their ex. They’ll say they were just killing time or felt sorry for their ex, regardless of how they actually felt during the relationship. Given that narcissists aren’t really capable of true, healthy love, this isn’t entirely untrue…
14. They talk about their ex’s shortcomings in detail.
Source: Unsplash Narcissists have no problem airing their ex’s dirty laundry. They’ll go into unnecessary detail about their ex’s flaws, habits, or mistakes, often exaggerating or making things up to make their ex look bad.
15. They claim their ex couldn’t handle their success.
Source: Unsplash If a narcissist has had any success, they might claim their ex was intimidated by it or couldn’t keep up. This means they get to brag about themselves while simultaneously putting down their ex. That works out well for them, eh?
16. They insist they’re “just friends” with their ex.
Source: Unsplash Some narcissists like to keep their exes around for ego boosts. They might claim they’re “just friends” with an ex they’re still stringing along, downplaying the ex’s feelings or the complicated nature of their post-breakup relationship.
17. They rewrite history.
Narcissists have no problem completely rewriting the history of their relationship. They’ll change details, forget inconvenient truths, and spin stories to make themselves look good, often leaving their listeners with a completely warped view of what actually happened in the relationship.
