Working through trauma takes time, patience, and a lot of hard work, and admittedly, not everyone is up to the task.
However, having unhealed trauma doesn’t automatically go away, and you can only brush it under the rug for so long before it comes back to bite you. Here are some ways it might manifest in your life, no matter how much you’ve convinced yourself you’ve moved past it.
1. You don’t know how to trust people, even in safe situations.
If you’re constantly on guard, unable to let people in or believe their good intentions, it might be a sign of unhealed trauma. Persistent mistrust can come out in various ways, from being overly suspicious of new acquaintances to struggling with vulnerability in close relationships. Maybe you’re always waiting for the other shoe to drop, even when there’s no logical reason to expect betrayal or harm.
2. You experience unexplained physical symptoms.
Unresolved trauma often speaks through the body. You might experience chronic headaches, digestive issues, or muscle tension without any clear medical cause. These physical “symptoms” can be your body’s way of processing and expressing the emotional pain that hasn’t been addressed. Pay attention to patterns in these symptoms, especially if they seem to worsen during stressful periods or in certain situations that might subconsciously remind you of past trauma.
3. You struggle with setting and maintaining boundaries.
If you struggle to say no or assert your needs, it could be a sign of unhealed trauma. This might come out as either having overly rigid boundaries that keep everyone at arm’s length, or having virtually no boundaries at all and letting people take advantage of you. Both extremes are usually down to past experiences where your boundaries were violated, leaving you unsure of how to establish healthy limits in your current relationships.
4. You engage in self-sabotaging behaviours.
Unhealed trauma can lead to a pattern of unconsciously undermining your own success or happiness. This might look like procrastinating on important tasks, picking fights in otherwise healthy relationships, or abandoning projects just as they’re about to succeed. These behaviours often come from deep-seated beliefs about not deserving happiness or success, formed as a result of traumatic experiences.
5. You have extreme reactions to minor stressors.
If you’re regularly flying off the handle at seemingly small inconveniences, it could be a sign of unresolved trauma. What appears to other people as an overreaction might be triggered by subconscious associations with past traumatic events. These disproportionate responses can strain relationships and leave you feeling out of control and misunderstood.
6. You struggle with perfectionism or a fear of failure.
An intense drive for perfection or a paralysing fear of failure often has roots in unhealed trauma. This might look like obsessing over details, procrastinating to avoid potential failure, or feeling devastated by minor mistakes. These things are usually down to a deep-seated belief that your worth is tied to your performance, possibly originating from traumatic experiences where love or safety was conditional.
7. You have difficulty expressing or identifying your emotions.
If you often feel numb or struggle to name what you’re feeling, it could be a sign of emotional suppression due to past trauma. This emotional disconnection might have been a coping mechanism that once served you, but now destroys your ability to form deep connections or process your experiences healthily. You might be feeling generally “off” without being able to pinpoint why.
8. You experience frequent flashbacks or intrusive thoughts.
Source: Unsplash Unhealed trauma can manifest as sudden, vivid memories or thoughts related to the traumatic event. These intrusions might seem to come out of nowhere, triggered by seemingly unrelated stimuli. You might start reliving past experiences or constantly thinking about “what if” scenarios related to the trauma, disrupting your ability to stay present in the moment.
9. You have a tendency to isolate yourself.
If you often withdraw from social interactions or avoid having close relationships, it might be a protective mechanism stemming from unresolved trauma. That level of isolation can feel safe in the short term, but ultimately reinforces feelings of loneliness and disconnection. You may make excuses to avoid gatherings or pulling away from friends and family without fully understanding why.
10. You struggle with maintaining a consistent sleep pattern.
Unhealed trauma can significantly impact your sleep. You might have difficulty falling asleep, experience frequent nightmares, or wake up feeling unrefreshed even after a full night’s rest. Sleep disturbances can be your mind’s way of processing unresolved experiences, or a result of heightened anxiety and hypervigilance you developed due to past trauma.
11. You engage in compulsive or addictive behaviours.
Turning to substances, excessive shopping, gambling, or other compulsive behaviours can be a way of coping with unresolved trauma. These habits might provide temporary relief or distraction from painful emotions or memories. However, they often lead to additional problems and prevent true healing from taking place.
12. You have difficulty celebrating your achievements.
Source: Unsplash If you find it hard to acknowledge your successes or feel worthy of praise, it might be linked to unhealed trauma. It might come out as downplaying your accomplishments, feeling like an imposter despite your qualifications, or quickly moving on to the next goal without taking time to appreciate your progress. Being unable to embrace positive experiences often comes from a deeper belief of unworthiness formed through traumatic experiences.
13. You experience unexplained anger or irritability.
Source: Unsplash Unresolved trauma can manifest as a constant undercurrent of anger or irritability that seems disproportionate to your current circumstances. You might start snapping at loved ones over minor issues or feeling a persistent sense of frustration without a clear cause. Your anger often masks deeper emotions like fear or sadness that haven’t been fully processed.
14. You have a hypersensitivity to criticism.
Source: Unsplash If even gentle feedback feels like a personal attack, it could be a sign of unhealed trauma. Your hypersensitivity might have started due to experiences where criticism was harsh or unfair, leading to a defensive stance in the present. You’re probably guilty of overanalysing comments or avoiding situations where you might be evaluated to protect yourself from any level of judgement.
15. You struggle with maintaining a stable sense of self.
Unresolved trauma can lead to a fragmented sense of identity. You might find your self-perception, values, or goals shifting dramatically based on your current environment or relationships. Your instability could be rooted in a need to adapt to survive traumatic situations, but it can leave you feeling lost or inauthentic in your current life.
16. You have difficulty making decisions.
Source: Unsplash If you tend to become paralysed when faced with choices, big or small, it could be linked to unhealed trauma. Your indecisiveness might come from a fear of making the wrong choice and facing negative consequences, possibly echoing past traumatic experiences where you felt powerless or where your decisions led to painful outcomes. You might over-analyse options or constantly need reassurance from other people before committing to a decision.
17. You experience persistent feelings of shame or unworthiness.
Source: Unsplash A pervasive sense of shame that goes beyond specific actions and extends to your core sense of self can be a significant indicator of unresolved trauma. This might come out as constant negative self-talk, difficulty accepting compliments, or a belief that you’re fundamentally flawed or unlovable. These deep-seated feelings tend to come from traumatic experiences that led you to internalise negative beliefs about yourself, impacting your self-esteem and relationships in profound ways.
