Narcissists are like chameleons — they’re ridiculously good at changing who they are depending on who they’re with.
In public, they’re charming, outgoing, and tons of fun to be around. When you’re alone with them, however, their true colours come out, and you realise their carefully curated persona is completely fake. Here are some stark differences in their behaviour and demeanour you’re likely to notice if you have a narcissist in your life.
1. In public, they’re the life of the party. In private, they’re moody and withdrawn.
When there’s an audience, narcissists turn on the charm. They’ll be cracking jokes, telling stories, and making sure all eyes are on them, but once they’re home, the mask comes off. They become sulky, irritable, or completely disengaged, leaving you wondering where that vibrant personality disappeared to.
2. In public, they’re generous. In private, they’re stingy.
A narcissist will usually pick up the tab at a group dinner or make grand gestures of generosity when other people are watching. At home, they nickel and dime you over shared expenses or refuse to contribute to household costs. It’s all about maintaining their public image of being a big spender.
3. In public, they praise you. In private, they criticise you.
Around other people, a narcissist showers you with compliments and talk about how lucky they are to have you. Of course, once you’re alone, the criticism starts. Nothing you do is good enough, and they always find something to nitpick about. It’s like they’re two different people.
4. In public, they’re attentive partners. In private, they’re neglectful.
At social gatherings, a narcissist will be all over you — holding your hand, bringing you drinks, asking if you’re comfortable. At home, you might as well be invisible. They’re too busy with their phone, the TV, or their own thoughts to pay you any attention.
5. In public, they’re humble. In private, they’re arrogant.
A narcissist tends to deflect compliments and act modest in public, but behind closed doors, their true feelings of superiority come out. They’ll brag about their so-called achievements, compare themselves to other people (where they come out on top), and make it clear they think they’re better than everyone else.
6. In public, they’re patient. In private, they’re short-tempered.
When other people are around, a narcissist can keep their cool no matter what. Meanwhile, in private, the smallest thing can set them off. They fly into a rage over minor inconveniences or perceived slights, showing a temper you never see in public.
7. In public, they’re great listeners. In private, they dominate conversations.
At social gatherings, a narcissist comes off as deeply interested in what other people have to say. However, one-on-one, they monopolise the conversation. They’ll talk endlessly about themselves and show little interest in your thoughts or experiences.
8. In public, they’re well-groomed. In private, they can be slovenly.
Image is everything to a narcissist when they’re out and about. They’ll be impeccably dressed and groomed. At home, they let themselves go completely, expecting you to pick up the slack and maintain their environment for them.
9. In public, they’re respectful. In private, they’re demeaning.
A narcissist can be the picture of politeness and respect when other people are watching, but behind closed doors, they speak to you in ways that are belittling, insulting, or downright cruel. It’s like they save all their venom for private moments.
10. In public, they take responsibility. In private, they blame other people.
When things go wrong in public, a narcissist steps up and takes responsibility to maintain their image. Of course, in private, it’s always someone else’s fault. They’ll blame you, their colleagues, or circumstances — anyone but themselves.
11. In public, they’re cooperative. In private, they’re controlling.
A narcissist might play well with other people when there’s an audience, and they’ll compromise and work as part of a team. But at home, it’s their way or the highway. They want to control every aspect of your shared life, from what you eat to how you spend your free time.
12. In public, they’re calm. In private, they’re prone to outbursts.
No matter how stressful the situation, a narcissist can keep their cool in public. When you’re alone with them, they have frequent emotional outbursts or temper tantrums. They save up all their negative emotions to unleash when no one else is watching.
13. In public, they’re supportive. In private, they’re competitive.
Around other people, a narcissist seems happy to cheer on your achievements and seem genuinely happy for your success. In private, they can’t stand to see you doing well. They try to one-up you, dismiss your accomplishments, or even actively sabotage your efforts.
14. In public, they’re punctual. In private, they’re inconsiderate of your time.
A narcissist will bend over backwards to be on time for public engagements. When it’s just you waiting, they have no problem making you wait for hours or changing plans at the last minute. Your time simply isn’t as valuable as theirs in their eyes.
15. In public, they’re forgiving. In private, they hold grudges.
To maintain their image, a narcissist seems quick to forgive mistakes or misunderstandings in public. But behind closed doors, they keep a mental tally of every wrong they think you’ve committed. They often bring up things from years ago during arguments, showing they never really let anything go.
16. In public, they’re affectionate. In private, they’re cold.
When other people are around, a narcissist will be all over you with hugs, kisses, and terms of endearment. Sadly, once you’re alone, that affection disappears. They’ll likely rebuff your attempts at intimacy or act annoyed by your desire for closeness.
17. In public, they’re gracious. In private, they’re entitled.
A narcissist seems grateful and appreciative in public, thanking people profusely for small favours. However, in private, they act entitled to your time, effort, and resources. They expect you to cater to their every whim without thanks, because in their mind, that’s what you’re there for.
