Most people don’t grow up thinking, “One day, my parents will finally be out of my life!”
However, sometimes things happen in life that result in you being estranged from the people who raised you. It’s not an ideal situation — and in fact, it can be a downright painful one. If you’re in this position, here are some experiences you’ll likely relate to.
1. You dread being asked about your family during small talk.
The innocent question, “So, how’s your family?” can send you into a panic. You’ve learned to deflect or give vague answers, but it’s always uncomfortable. Sometimes you wish you had a simple, rehearsed response to avoid the awkwardness.
2. Holidays bring a mix of relief and sadness.
While you’re glad to avoid family drama, there’s often a lingering sadness during celebrations. You might feel a bit out of place as other people discuss their family plans. Creating new traditions helps, but the bittersweet feeling can still creep in.
3. You’ve become an expert at setting boundaries.
Through necessity, you’ve learned to establish and maintain firm boundaries. This skill often extends to other relationships in your life. You’re not afraid to say no or limit contact with people who don’t respect your choices.
4. Seeing happy parent-child relationships can be triggering.
Witnessing loving interactions between parents and their adult children can bring up complicated emotions. While you’re happy for other people, it can also highlight what you’re missing and bring feelings of grief or envy to the surface.
5. You’ve had to redefine your concept of family.
Source: Unsplash Family no longer means just blood relations. You’ve likely created a chosen family of friends and supportive individuals who fill the roles that your parents can’t. These relationships are often deeper and more meaningful than traditional family ties.
6. You sometimes question your decision, even when you know it’s right.
Source: Unsplash Doubts can creep in, especially during challenging times. You might wonder if you made the right choice or if reconciliation is possible. It’s normal to have these thoughts, even when you’re confident in your reasons for estrangement.
7. Explaining your situation to new partners can be tricky.
Source: Unsplash When dating, you struggle with when and how to broach the subject of your family estrangement. You worry about being judged or misunderstood. Finding someone who respects your decision without pushing for reconciliation feels like a huge relief.
8. You’ve developed a strong sense of self-reliance.
Source: Unsplash Without parental support, you’ve learned to be incredibly self-sufficient. From handling emergencies to celebrating achievements, you’ve become your own biggest cheerleader and problem-solver. It’s empowering, but sometimes exhausting.
9. Mother’s Day and Father’s Day are particularly challenging.
Source: Unsplash These holidays can feel like salt in the wound. The barrage of adverts and social media posts about parent appreciation can be overwhelming. You’ve likely developed strategies to cope, like avoiding social media or planning distracting activities.
10. You feel a mix of envy and frustration when friends complain about their parents.
Source: Unsplash When friends grumble about minor parent issues, you might feel conflicted. Part of you envies their ability to have “normal” disagreements, while another part wants to shake them and say, “At least you have parents who care!”
11. You’ve had to grieve the loss of a relationship that still technically exists.
Source: Unsplash Estrangement involves a unique form of grief. You’re mourning the loss of a relationship and the idea of what that relationship could have been, all while the person is still alive. It’s a complex emotional process that other people might not understand.
12. You’ve become hyper-aware of toxic behaviour in other relationships.
Source: Unsplash Your experiences have made you more attuned to unhealthy relationship dynamics. You’re quick to spot red flags and less likely to tolerate toxic behaviour from anyone in your life. This awareness can be both a blessing and a curse.
13. You worry about potential medical emergencies.
Source: Unsplash There’s often anxiety about what would happen if your estranged parent became seriously ill. You might grapple with questions about whether you’d be informed or if you’d want to reconcile in such a situation. It’s a source of ongoing stress for many.
14. You’ve had to navigate tricky situations with extended family.
Source: Unsplash Dealing with extended family members who don’t understand or respect your decision can be challenging. You might have lost connections with some relatives, while others have become unexpected sources of support. It’s a delicate balance to maintain.
15. You sometimes feel like you’re missing a piece of your identity.
Source: Unsplash Not having an active relationship with your parents can sometimes leave you feeling incomplete. You might struggle with questions about your heritage or family history. Finding ways to connect with your roots while maintaining boundaries becomes important.
16. You’ve learned the importance of self-care and healing.
Source: Unsplash The journey of estrangement often involves a lot of personal growth and healing. You’ve likely invested time in therapy, self-help books, or support groups. Taking care of your mental and emotional health has become a top priority.
17. You appreciate the freedom to create your own path.
Source: Unsplash Despite the challenges, you recognise the freedom that comes with estrangement. You’re able to live life on your own terms, free from toxic influences. This sense of autonomy and self-determination is something you’ve come to value deeply.
