Narcissists might seem like they’re the ones in control, but the truth is, they’re always one second away from completely losing it.
Many of their toxic behaviours are rooted in fear and insecurity, even if they’d never admit it (and they never will). However, once you know what it is that terrifies them, you gain the upper hand and suddenly, resisting their manipulative tactics becomes a whole lot easier. Here are some of the fears that haunt narcissists every day of their lives.
1. Being ignored or overlooked
Narcissists thrive on attention, and when they’re ignored, it’s like their entire existence is threatened. It’s not just annoying for them—it’s panic-inducing. They need to be noticed, even if it’s for something negative because being ignored feels like fading into oblivion.
2. Criticism or negative feedback
Even mild criticism can send a narcissist spiralling. They can’t handle being told they’re wrong or flawed because their ego is built on a fragile foundation. They’ll twist reality to protect their self-image, making it impossible for them to accept any fault.
3. Losing control
Control is their lifeline. Narcissists have a deep need to manage everything around them, including people. Losing control feels like chaos, and they’ll do anything to regain their grip, often resorting to manipulation and power plays to restore order.
4. Being exposed as imperfect
Narcissists go to great lengths to appear flawless. The thought of people seeing their flaws terrifies them, as they fear being viewed as ordinary or inadequate. They constantly put up a front, and the idea of someone seeing through it feels like a threat to their entire identity.
5. Ageing and losing their looks
For narcissists who put value in their appearance, ageing is terrifying. Every wrinkle or grey hair represents a loss of power and allure. They’ll often resort to drastic measures to maintain their looks, as they equate their worth with physical attractiveness.
6. Someone else getting credit or praise
Narcissists can’t stand seeing other people shine. If someone else is getting praised, they see it as their own failure. It’s like every compliment directed elsewhere chips away at their sense of superiority, making them uncomfortable and even resentful.
7. Being dependent on other people
They see dependence as weakness, and weakness is intolerable. Needing help or relying on someone threatens their image of superiority, so they’ll avoid asking for assistance even when they really need it. To them, independence is everything.
8. Genuine intimacy and vulnerability
Source: Unsplash Narcissists fear real connections because intimacy means exposing their vulnerabilities. They prefer keeping relationships superficial, where they can maintain control and avoid being truly seen. Genuine closeness makes them feel threatened and out of their depth.
9. Being average or ordinary
Source: Unsplash The idea of being just like everyone else is terrifying for narcissists. They need to believe they’re special, better than the rest. Being ordinary or average feels like a failure to them, as if they’ve lost their unique status in the world.
10. Not being the smartest person in the room
Source: Unsplash Narcissists pride themselves on their intelligence, so when someone outshines them intellectually, it’s a major blow to their ego. They’ll often try to prove they’re still the smartest by twisting facts or dominating the conversation, desperate to maintain their status.
11. Empathy and emotional responsibility
Source: Unsplash Understanding and caring about other people’s feelings is a nightmare for narcissists. Empathy forces them to put someone else’s needs above their own, something they avoid at all costs. Admitting they’ve hurt someone? Not a chance—it’s easier to deny or deflect.
12. Being forgotten or irrelevant
Source: Unsplash Narcissists need to feel important, and the thought of fading into obscurity is unbearable. They constantly look for ways to be remembered, fearing that if they’re forgotten, they’ll cease to matter. To them, being irrelevant is worse than failure.
13. Failure or public humiliation
Source: Unsplash Failure, especially in front of other people, is catastrophic for a narcissist. They can’t cope with the idea of not being the best, and public humiliation is their worst-case scenario. If they fail, expect a slew of excuses and blame-shifting to protect their fragile ego.
14. Losing their source of narcissistic supply
Source: Unsplash Attention, admiration, and validation are essential for a narcissist’s self-worth. When they lose that constant source of praise, it’s like their fuel supply has been cut off. They’ll go to extreme lengths to regain that validation, even if it means manipulation or causing chaos.
15. Being held accountable for their actions
Source: Unsplash Narcissists hate taking responsibility for their behaviour. When someone finally holds them accountable, they’ll twist the situation, make excuses, or outright deny it. Accountability threatens the image they’ve built of themselves, and they’ll do anything to avoid it.
16. Genuine self-reflection
Taking a hard look at themselves? No, thanks. Narcissists avoid self-reflection because it means facing their flaws, something they can’t bear to do. They prefer living in a fantasy where they’re always right and always perfect.
17. Loss of their perceived special status
Narcissists believe they deserve special treatment, and when they’re treated like everyone else, it’s a massive blow to their ego. Being ordinary or not receiving preferential treatment makes them feel invisible and unimportant, leading to frustration and tantrums.
