You say something you think is helpful, insightful, or even just plain funny, only to be met with a blank stare or a forced smile.
We often have the best intentions when communicating, but sometimes our words miss the mark, leaving people feeling uncomfortable or even offended. Here are some common phrases or comments that might fall into the category of “things people definitely don’t want to hear from you.”
1. “You look tired.”
While you might think you’re expressing concern, this comment often makes people feel self-conscious and insecure about their appearance. It can imply that they don’t look their best, or that they haven’t been taking care of themselves. Instead, try asking how they’re doing or if they’re feeling okay, which shows genuine care without focusing on their looks.
2. “You’ve lost/gained weight.”
Commenting on someone’s weight, whether they’ve lost or gained, can be a sensitive topic. It can trigger body image issues, insecurities, or even eating disorders. Unless someone specifically asks for your opinion on their weight, it’s best to avoid bringing it up. Focus on other aspects of their well-being, such as their energy levels or overall health.
3. “When are you getting married/having kids?”
Asking personal questions about relationships and family planning can be intrusive and insensitive. You never know what someone’s going through, whether they’re struggling with infertility, relationship issues, or simply not interested in those milestones. Instead, focus on getting to know them on a deeper level and respecting their choices.
4. “You should smile more.”
Telling someone to smile more is often seen as dismissive and condescending. It can imply that their feelings are invalid or that they should always be happy. Everyone has the right to express their emotions, whether it’s joy, sadness, anger, or anything in between. Instead of telling them to change their expression, try asking what’s on their mind or if there’s anything you can do to help.
5. “You’re so lucky.”
While it’s great to acknowledge someone’s good fortune, saying “you’re so lucky” can minimise their hard work and effort. It can imply that their success is solely due to chance or circumstance, rather than their own dedication and perseverance. Instead, try praising their accomplishments and acknowledging the effort they put in to achieve their goals.
6. “It’s not that bad.”
Source: Unsplash When someone is expressing their struggles or challenges, telling them “it’s not that bad” can be incredibly invalidating. It minimises their feelings and experiences, making them feel unheard and misunderstood. Instead of trying to downplay their problems, try offering empathy and support. Let them know that you hear them and that you’re there for them.
7. “You’re overreacting.”
Source: Unsplash Telling someone they’re overreacting is a guaranteed way to shut down communication and make them feel defensive. Everyone has the right to their own emotions, and what might seem like an overreaction to you could be a perfectly valid response to them. Instead of dismissing their feelings, try to understand their perspective and validate their emotions.
8. “Just be positive.”
Source: Unsplash Telling someone to “just be positive” when they’re going through a tough time is dismissive and unhelpful. It ignores the complexity of human emotions and suggests that happiness is simply a matter of willpower. Instead of offering simplistic advice, try to offer genuine support and understanding. Let them know that it’s okay to not be okay, and that you’re there for them through thick and thin.
9. “You’ll find someone eventually.”
Source: Unsplash When someone is struggling with their love life or going through a breakup, this phrase can be incredibly frustrating. It dismisses their pain and implies that finding a partner is the ultimate solution to their problems. Instead, offer support and empathy, and let them know that you’re there for them through the ups and downs of their romantic journey.
10. “I told you so.”
Source: Unsplash No one likes to be told they were wrong, especially when they’re already feeling down. Saying “I told you so” can come across as smug and self-righteous, and it certainly doesn’t help the situation. Instead, offer support and help them problem-solve or learn from the experience.
11. “You’re so sensitive.”
Source: Unsplash Telling someone they’re too sensitive can invalidate their feelings and make them feel like they’re overreacting. Everyone has different emotional thresholds, and what might seem trivial to you could be a big deal to them. Instead of labelling their emotions, try to understand where they’re coming from and offer support.
12. “You need to relax/chill out.”
Source: Unsplash When someone is stressed or anxious, telling them to relax can feel dismissive and unhelpful. It implies that their feelings are unwarranted and that they should be able to simply switch them off. Instead, try to validate their feelings and offer practical solutions to help them manage their stress.
13. “You should just get over it.”
Telling someone to “get over it” minimises their pain and suffering. It can imply that their feelings are not valid or that they’re dwelling on the past for too long. Grief, loss, and emotional pain take time to heal. Instead of rushing them, offer support and let them know that you’re there for them as they process their emotions.
14. “You’re too old for that.”
Ageism is never okay. Telling someone they’re too old for something can be incredibly hurtful and limiting. Everyone deserves to pursue their passions and interests, regardless of their age. Instead of focusing on their age, celebrate their spirit and encourage them to embrace their youthful energy.
15. “You’re too young for that.”
Similarly, telling someone they’re too young for something can be discouraging and patronising. It can make them feel like they’re incapable or mature enough to handle certain experiences or responsibilities. Instead of focusing on their age, encourage them to explore their interests and challenge themselves.
16. “You’re acting like a child.”
Calling someone childish is an insult, pure and simple. It can damage their self-esteem and make them feel belittled. Instead of resorting to name-calling, try to address their behaviour in a mature and respectful way. Focus on the specific actions that are bothering you, rather than attacking their character.
17. “This is why you’re single.”
Commenting on someone’s single status is never okay. It can be hurtful and insensitive, especially if they’re already feeling insecure or lonely. Being single is a valid choice, and there’s no shame in it. Instead of focusing on their relationship status, try to celebrate their other accomplishments and qualities.
