Blurting out things without thinking isn’t a wise move, especially since you’re likely to say something you later end up regretting.
While you’re not guaranteed to face disaster every time you flap your gums without consideration, there are certain things you should never, ever say unless you want to cause major drama and upset, or potentially ruin relationships.
1. “You’re so much like your mother/father.”
This seemingly harmless comment can open a Pandora’s box of family drama and insecurities. It can make people feel trapped by comparisons and judged for traits they may or may not have inherited. Instead, focus on their individual qualities and avoid dragging their parents into the conversation.
2. “When are you getting married/having kids?”
These intrusive questions can be incredibly hurtful and insensitive, especially for people struggling with fertility issues or relationship problems. It’s none of your business, so keep your curiosity in check and avoid making assumptions about people’s personal lives.
3. “You’ve gained/lost weight.”
Commenting on someone’s body, whether positive or negative, can be awkward and uncomfortable. It puts the focus on their appearance and can trigger body image issues. Unless they specifically bring it up, it’s best to steer clear of weight-related comments altogether.
4. “I can’t believe you’re still with them.”
Judging someone’s relationship choices is disrespectful and unhelpful. You don’t know the intricacies of their connection or what they see in their partner. Focus on supporting their decisions, even if you don’t fully understand them.
5. “You should just get over it.”
Source: Unsplash Telling someone to “get over” their feelings invalidates their emotions and dismisses their experiences. Everyone processes things at their own pace. Instead of offering unsolicited advice, try listening with empathy and offering support.
6. “Back in my day…”
Source: Unsplash This nostalgic phrase can come across as condescending and dismissive, especially to younger generations. It implies that things were better in the past and can make people feel like their experiences and perspectives aren’t valued.
7. “I know exactly how you feel.”
Source: Unsplash Unless you’ve walked in their shoes, you can’t truly know how someone else feels. This statement can come across as dismissive and minimising of their unique experience. Instead, acknowledge their feelings and support them, without comparing their situation to your own.
8. “It’s just a joke.”
If someone tells you that your joke was offensive or hurtful, don’t dismiss their feelings by saying it was “just a joke.” Humour is subjective, and what you find funny might not be funny to someone else. Apologise and learn from the experience.
9. “You’re being too sensitive.”
Source: Unsplash Telling someone they’re “too sensitive” is a classic way to invalidate their feelings and shut down communication. Everyone has different emotional triggers and sensitivities. Instead of dismissing their reactions, try to understand their perspective and validate their emotions.
10. “I’m not racist/sexist/homophobic, but…”
Source: Unsplash This disclaimer often precedes a blatantly prejudiced statement. If you feel the need to preface your comments with this phrase, it’s a good indication that what you’re about to say is problematic. Take a moment to reflect on your words and consider the impact they might have on other people.
11. “You’re overreacting.”
Source: Unsplash Similar to “you’re being too sensitive,” this phrase dismisses someone’s emotional response and undermines their experience. It’s important to remember that everyone reacts differently to situations. Instead of judging their reaction, try to understand the underlying reasons for their feelings.
12. “At least it’s not as bad as…”
Source: Unsplash Comparing someone’s problems to seemingly “worse” situations is only going to make them feel bad. It’s not a competition. Everyone’s pain is valid, and their experiences deserve to be acknowledged and validated, regardless of how they compare to anyone else’s.
13. “It’s none of your business.”
Source: Unsplash While it’s important to set boundaries and protect your privacy, this comes across as rude and dismissive, especially if someone is genuinely concerned or trying to help. If you don’t want to share something, try a gentler approach, like “I’d rather not talk about that right now.”
14. “I don’t care.”
This apathetic statement can be incredibly hurtful, especially in close relationships. It basically sends the message that you’re uninterested, and it can make people feel unimportant and unvalued. Even if you’re not particularly invested in a topic, try to show some empathy and engage in the conversation, even if it’s just to listen.
15. “You’ll never be able to do that.”
Negative comments like this can crush someone’s dreams and aspirations. Instead of discouraging them, be supportive and encouraging. You never know what someone is capable of achieving with the right motivation and belief in themselves.
16. “You should be ashamed of yourself.”
Shaming someone for their actions or choices is never, ever productive, and just makes them feel guilty and ashamed. Instead, focus on understanding their motivations and helping them make better choices in the future.
17. “I give up.”
It’s okay to feel overwhelmed and frustrated at times, but if you’re claiming that you’re giving up on life, that’s really concerning, especially for the people around you who care about you. Sure, give yourself time to feel frustrated, take a deep breath, and compose yourself. However, don’t give up — and if you feel like you want to, it’s time to talk to a mental health professional about it.
