Being a grandparent is incredibly fulfilling, but just because you’re not parenting your grandkids full-time doesn’t mean you don’t still need to be thoughtful.
There are certain things you might say to your grandkids that can make them feel insecure, alienated, and maybe even a bit annoyed. Here are just a few to be mindful of.
1. “Back in my day, we didn’t have all these gadgets.”
While reminiscing about the past can be fun, constantly comparing it to the present can make your grandkids feel like their experiences are less valid. Instead, try engaging with their world. Ask them to show you their favourite app or game, and be open to learning about the things that excite them.
2. “You’re too young to have an opinion on that.”
Dismissing your grandkids’ thoughts and feelings because of their age can stifle their confidence and curiosity. Even young children have valuable insights to share. Encourage them to express themselves and listen with genuine interest, even if you don’t always agree.
3. “Why can’t you be more like your [sibling/cousin]?”
Comparisons can be incredibly damaging to a child’s self-esteem. Each grandchild is unique, with their own strengths and challenges. Celebrate their individuality and avoid pitting them against each other. Focus on encouraging their unique talents and passions.
4. “Don’t be such a crybaby.”
Telling a child to “toughen up” or dismiss their emotions can teach them to suppress their feelings and avoid vulnerability. Instead, validate their emotions and offer comfort and support. Help them understand that it’s okay to feel sad, angry, or scared, and guide them towards healthy ways to express and cope with those feelings.
5. “That’s not how we do things in this family.”
Traditions are important, but it’s also essential to be open to new ideas and ways of doing things. Avoid rigidly enforcing outdated rules or expectations. Instead, encourage a sense of flexibility and adaptability, and be willing to compromise and evolve with the times.
6. “When I was your age…”
While sharing stories from your own childhood can be a wonderful way to connect with your grandkids, constantly focusing on the past can make them feel like their experiences are less important. Strike a balance between reminiscing and actively engaging with their present-day lives.
7. “I’m too old to keep up with you kids.”
While it’s natural to experience physical limitations as you age, focusing on your limitations can create a sense of distance and disengagement. Instead, find ways to connect with your grandkids on their level. Play games, explore their interests, and show them that you’re still young at heart.
8. “You’re lucky you have all these things; we didn’t have any of this when I was young.”
Expressing gratitude for the opportunities and advantages your grandkids have is wonderful, but constantly reminding them of how “good they have it” can make them feel guilty or ungrateful. Focus on appreciating the present and encouraging them to make the most of their opportunities.
9. “You shouldn’t feel that way.”
Telling your grandkids how they “should” or “shouldn’t” feel invalidates their emotions and can make them feel misunderstood. Instead, acknowledge their feelings and offer support. Help them understand that all emotions are valid and that it’s okay to feel the way they do.
10. “I’m disappointed in you.”
While it’s natural to feel disappointed when your grandkids make mistakes, expressing it in this way can be damaging to their self-esteem. Instead, focus on the behaviour, not the child. Help them understand the consequences of their actions and guide them towards making better choices in the future.
11. “Don’t tell your parents about this.”
Keeping secrets from their parents can create a sense of mistrust and confusion for your grandkids. Encourage open communication within the family and avoid putting them in a position where they feel they have to lie or hide things.
12. “You’re too old for that.”
Source: Unsplash Age shouldn’t be a barrier to fun and exploration. Let your grandkids embrace their playful spirit and enjoy activities that bring them joy, regardless of their age. Encourage them to stay curious and adventurous.
13. “I know what’s best for you.”
While your experience and wisdom are valuable, it’s important to respect your grandkids’ autonomy and allow them to make their own choices. Offer guidance and support, but avoid dictating their every move or making decisions for them.
14. “You’re just like your [parent].”
Comparing your grandkids to their parents, especially in a negative context, can be hurtful and create unnecessary tension. Each person is unique, and it’s important to avoid labeling or pigeonholing them based on their family history.
15. “I don’t have the energy for this.”
Spending time with your grandkids can be tiring, but constantly complaining about your lack of energy can make them feel like a burden. Instead, focus on the positive aspects of your time together and find ways to conserve your energy, such as taking breaks or choosing activities that are less physically demanding.
16. “You’re growing up too fast.”
While it’s natural to feel nostalgic as your grandkids grow older, constantly lamenting their changing phases can make them feel like they’re losing your approval. Celebrate their growth and development, and cherish each stage of their journey.
17. “I’m not sure how much longer I’ll be around.”
While it’s important to acknowledge the realities of ageing, dwelling on your mortality can create anxiety and sadness for your grandkids. Instead, focus on creating positive memories and sharing your wisdom and love with them while you can.
