We’ve all joked about dating someone a bit mental, but sometimes it’s not just a figure of speech.
If you’re getting some seriously scary vibes from your partner, it might be more than just quirky behaviour. Here’s a straightforward look at some red flags that could mean you’re dating someone with some serious issues. They might even be a psychopath — a term which Verywell Mind describes as someone who’s “callous, unemotional, and morally depraved”.
1. They’re charming one minute and cold the next.
Source: Unsplash If your partner’s hot and cold behaviour is giving you whiplash, that’s not normal. One minute they’re the most charming person in the room, the next they’re icing you out for no reason. This kind of emotional rollercoaster is exhausting and can be a sign of something more sinister, especially if their lows become threatening or even violent.
2. They’re always the victim in their stories.
Listen closely when they talk about their past. If every ex was “crazy”, every boss was “out to get them”, and they never seem to take responsibility for anything that’s gone wrong in their life, that’s a big red flag. Healthy people can admit when they’ve messed up.
3. They push your boundaries and don’t respect your “no”.
Source: Unsplash Whether it’s pressuring you into physical intimacy or ignoring your requests for space, a partner who doesn’t respect your boundaries is showing you they don’t actually respect you. This behaviour often escalates over time, and things could get ugly before you realise it.
4. They try to isolate you from friends and family.
Source: Unsplash If your partner is always finding reasons why you shouldn’t see your friends or family, be wary. They might say they just want to spend more time with you, but isolating you from your support network is a classic control tactic. Don’t let anyone do this to you.
5. They’re obsessed with knowing your whereabouts at all times.
A bit of interest in your day is normal, but if they’re constantly checking up on you, demanding to know where you are and who you’re with at all times, that’s not caring — it’s controlling. It’s important that you have a sense of privacy and feel like you can live your life just as you did before they came into it. If you can’t, there’s a problem.
6. They have extreme reactions to minor issues.
If you’re walking on eggshells because you never know what might set them off, that’s not okay. Extreme anger, jealousy, or sadness over small things is a sign that your partner might not have a good grip on their emotions. This is especially concerning if it makes them throw things, threaten you, or even become emotionally or physically abusive.
7. They’re manipulative and play mind games.
Do you often feel confused after conversations with your partner? If they’re twisting your words, gaslighting you, or using guilt trips to get their way, that’s manipulation, plain and simple. They’re trying to break you down so that they can have total control over you, and that’s not okay.
8. They have a superiority complex.
If your partner constantly talks about how they’re better than everyone else, smarter than their boss, or destined for greatness, it might be more than just confidence. An inflated sense of self-importance can be a sign of much deeper issues. While this doesn’t necessarily point toward psychopathy, if combined with some of the other behaviours on this list, it certainly can.
9. They have no long-term friends.
Everyone goes through periods of losing touch with mates, but if your partner has absolutely no long-term friends, that’s a bit odd. It could mean they have trouble maintaining relationships or that people tend to distance themselves after getting to know them better.
10. They pressure you to commit too quickly.
If they’re talking about moving in together or getting married after just a few dates, pump the brakes. This kind of rushing can be a way to lock you down before you realise what you’re getting into. Love-bombing is often the first step in more serious (and potentially harmful) manipulation tactics.
11. They have a weird relationship with the truth.
Source: Unsplash Catching your partner in lies, even about small things, is a big problem. If they seem to lie easily and often, or if their stories don’t add up, trust your gut. Honesty is crucial in any healthy relationship, and if they’re being dishonest, even about unimportant things, you never know what big things they might be hiding from you.
12. They don’t seem to have genuine empathy.
Source: Unsplash Pay attention to how they react when you’re upset or when they hear about someone else’s bad luck/trauma. If they seem to be faking concern or if they’re completely indifferent, it could be a sign that they lack real empathy.
13. They have a fascination with your vulnerabilities.
Source: Unsplash It’s normal to share personal things in a relationship, but if your partner seems overly interested in your weaknesses or past traumas, be cautious. Some people look for vulnerabilities to exploit later. You don’t want them to throw your insecurities back in your face, and that just might happen.
14. They can’t handle criticism.
Source: Unsplash If your partner flies off the handle at the slightest criticism or suggestion, that’s not a good sign. Healthy people can take feedback without having a meltdown or turning it back on you. As long as you communicate things respectfully, they shouldn’t lose their rag any time you give them even the tiniest bit of feedback.
15. They have a history of unstable relationships.
Source: Unsplash While everyone has a past, if your partner’s relationship history is a string of intense, short-lived affairs or messy breakups, that could be a red flag. It might indicate they have trouble maintaining healthy relationships. The same goes for if all their exes are “crazy” or even “psycho.” Who’s the common denominator here?
16. They try to change fundamental things about you.
Source: Unsplash A partner who’s always trying to change your core values, beliefs, or personality traits doesn’t actually like you for who you are. They’re trying to mould you into their ideal rather than accepting you and loving you as you are, and that’s scary.
17. They have unpredictable and intense mood swings.
Source: Unsplash If you feel like you’re dealing with a different person from one day to the next, that’s not normal. Extreme shifts in mood, especially if they seem unrelated to anything that might be happening in their life, can be a sign of serious emotional instability.
18. They make you feel responsible for their emotions.
Source: Unsplash If your partner blames you for all their negative feelings or expects you to manage their moods, that’s not healthy. Each person is responsible for their own emotional and mental health. You’re a partner, not a therapist or emotional punching bag. If they treat you like one, get out while you can.
