You agreed to go on a date with someone, but now you’re pretty sure you’d rather not go, and that’s fair enough.
Because you never plan on seeing them again, you might think that just dropping off the face of the earth without another word is the way to go, but ghosting isn’t okay. You need to act like a mature adult and be upfront about your lack of interest. Here are some ways to do that in a way that won’t make you feel like a total jerk.
1. Be honest about your feelings.
Sometimes, the simplest approach is the best. If you’re not feeling it, just say so. You could try something like, “I’ve been thinking about it, and I don’t think we’re a good match.” It might feel awkward, but it’s better than leaving someone hanging. Plus, most people appreciate straightforward communication, even if it’s not what they want to hear.
2. Blame it on your busy schedule.
If you’re not comfortable being completely honest, you could say you’re too busy for dating right now. Something like, “I’ve realised my schedule is much busier than I thought, and I don’t have time for dating at the moment.” It’s a gentle let-down that doesn’t leave room for rescheduling. Just be prepared in case you run into them when you’re clearly not busy!
3. Use the “it’s not you, it’s me” approach.
This classic line exists for a reason. You could say something like, “I’ve been doing some thinking, and I don’t feel ready for dating right now. I need to work on myself first.” It takes the pressure off the other person and doesn’t leave them feeling like they’ve done something wrong. Just don’t use this if you’re planning to jump straight into another date!
4. Claim a family emergency.
Source: Unsplash While it’s not great to lie, sometimes a little white lie can be kinder than the truth. You could say a family issue has come up that needs your attention. Something like, “I’m really sorry, but a family emergency has come up, and I need to cancel our plans.” Just remember, if you use this excuse, you might need to lay low for a while to avoid being caught out.
5. Say you’ve reconnected with an ex.
Source: Unsplash This one can work well if you’ve only been on one or two dates. You could say something like, “I’m really sorry, but an ex has come back into my life and I want to see where it goes.” Most people will understand not wanting to pursue something new if an old flame has reignited. Just be prepared for some follow-up questions if you use this one.
6. Say you’re not over your last relationship.
Source: Unsplash Similar to the ex excuse, you could say you’ve realised you’re not ready to date yet. Something along the lines of “I thought I was ready to date again, but I’ve realised I’m still not over my last relationship. It wouldn’t be fair to start something new right now” could do the trick. It’s a relatable situation that most people will understand.
7. Use the friend zone card.
Source: Unsplash If you’ve been on a date or two and just aren’t feeling the romantic spark, you could suggest being friends instead. Something like, “I’ve enjoyed getting to know you, but I think we’d be better as friends.” It’s a gentle let-down that leaves the door open for a platonic relationship if you’re both interested in that.
8. Blame it on work commitments.
Source: Unsplash Work is a common and understandable reason for not having time to date. You could say something like, “I’ve just taken on a big project at work and I won’t have any free time for the foreseeable future.” It’s a believable excuse that doesn’t leave much room for argument. Just be careful not to run into them at the pub after work!
9. Claim you’re moving away.
Source: Unsplash If you want to avoid any chance of running into them again, you could say you’re moving. Something like, “I’ve just found out I’m being transferred to another city for work.” This is a big enough life change that it makes sense to cut off a potential relationship before it starts. Just be prepared to keep up the charade if you bump into them in town!
10. Say you’ve decided to focus on your personal goals.
This is a variation on the “it’s not you, it’s me” approach. You could say something like, “I’ve decided to focus on my personal goals right now and don’t have time for dating.” This way, you’re giving things a positive spin that shows you’re prioritising self-improvement. Plus, it’s hard for someone to argue with you bettering yourself.
11. Use the “just friends” card from the start.
Source: Unsplash If you haven’t actually been on a date yet, you could try to reframe the meetup as just a friendly hang-out. Something like, “I’m looking forward to hanging out, but I want to be clear that I’m only interested in being friends” would work. It sets clear expectations and gives them the option to cancel if they’re not interested in a platonic meetup.
12. Claim you’ve realised you’re not ready to date.
Source: Unsplash This is a catch-all excuse that’s hard to argue with. You could say, “I’ve been doing some soul-searching, and I’ve realised I’m not in the right headspace for dating right now.” You’re being vague enough to cover a variety of reasons and putting the focus on your personal journey rather than any flaw of theirs.
13. Say you’ve decided to take a break from dating apps.
Source: Unsplash If you met through a dating app, you could say you’re taking a break from online dating. “I’ve decided to take a break from dating apps and focus on meeting people in real life” or something along those lines could work. After all, it’s a common enough scenario that most people will understand. Just be sure to actually delete the app, in case they come across your profile again!
14. Use the “it’s just bad timing” excuse.
Source: Unsplash Timing is a valid reason for things not working out. You could say something like, “I really enjoy talking to you, but the timing just isn’t right for me to start dating someone new.” You can leave things on a positive note without ruling out the possibility of reconnecting in the future if you change your mind.
15. Claim you’ve realised you’re incompatible.
Source: Unsplash If you’ve chatted enough to realise you’re not a good match, be upfront about it. Try something along the lines of, “I’ve really enjoyed our chats, but I think we might be looking for different things.” It’s honest without being too harsh, and it gives them closure rather than leaving them wondering what went wrong.
16. Say you need to focus on your mental health.
Source: Unsplash Mental health is important, and most people will respect you for prioritising it. You could say something like, “I’ve realised I need to focus on my mental health right now and don’t have the energy for dating.” It’s a serious enough reason that they’re unlikely to push back, and it shows you’re taking care of yourself.
17. Use the “I’m not in a good place for dating” line.
This is another catch-all excuse that’s hard to argue with. Say something like, “I’ve been doing some thinking, and I’ve realised I’m not in a good place for dating right now.” It’s vague enough to fit a variety of circumstances, but also shows self-awareness and maturity.
18. Be upfront about your change of heart.
Source: Unsplash Sometimes, the most mature thing to do is just to be honest about your change of feelings. Just say something like, “I know we had plans, but I’ve had a change of heart and don’t think we should go on a date.” It might feel awkward, but most people will appreciate your honesty and directness. It’s better than leaving them wondering or waiting for a date that’s never going to happen.
