Your parents are meant to be your biggest cheerleaders and your safe haven when the world feels overwhelming.
Sadly, not all kids have that experience, and if you didn’t, chances are the effects of that have stayed with you long into adulthood. Not having the emotional support you so desperately needed as a child means you may have these issues today. The good news is that it doesn’t have to be that way. If you’re struggling, consider chatting with a therapist or counsellor — they can help!
1. You struggle to express your emotions freely.
When you’ve grown up in an environment where your feelings were dismissed or ignored, it becomes second nature to bottle them up. These days, you might hesitate to share your true emotions because you worry that they’ll be met with indifference or criticism. Sadly, this can lead to a sense of emotional isolation, even in close relationships.
2. You’re constantly looking for external validation.
Without a solid foundation of emotional support from your parents, you might end up constantly striving for other people’s approval. Your need for external validation can seep into various aspects of your life, from work to personal relationships. It’s like you’re always trying to fill a void that should’ve been filled during childhood.
3. You have a hard time trusting people.
Trust issues are common among those who grew up with emotionally unsupportive parents. When the people who were supposed to be your primary source of love and support let you down, it’s natural to be wary of pretty much everyone. The downside of this is that it can be hard to form deep, meaningful bonds in adulthood.
4. You’re overly critical of yourself.
If your parents were constantly critical or dismissive of your achievements, you might have internalised that behaviour. As a result, you might just be your own harshest critic as an adult, never quite feeling satisfied with your accomplishments and always pushing yourself to do better.
5. You struggle with setting healthy boundaries.
Growing up in an environment where your boundaries weren’t respected or acknowledged can make it difficult to establish and maintain healthy boundaries as an adult. You may either become a people-pleaser or push people away entirely, struggling to find that middle ground.
6. You have a tendency to overachieve.
In an attempt to gain the approval and love you didn’t receive as a child, you might push yourself to excel in various areas of life. While ambition is generally a good thing, this drive can sometimes come from a place of seeking external validation rather than genuine passion.
7. You find it hard to ask for help.
When you’ve learned from a young age that your needs won’t be met, asking for help can feel uncomfortable or even impossible. You might pride yourself on being self-sufficient, but this can lead to unnecessary stress and burnout when you take on more than you can handle alone.
8. You’re prone to anxiety or depression.
The emotional neglect experienced in childhood can contribute to mental health challenges in adulthood. As a result, you might be more susceptible to anxiety or depression, especially during stressful times or when facing situations that remind you of your childhood experiences.
9. You struggle with intimacy in relationships.
Forming close, intimate relationships can be challenging when you’ve grown up without a model of healthy emotional connection. You may keep people at arm’s length or feel uncomfortable with vulnerability, even with those closest to you.
10. You find it hard to identify and express your needs.
When your emotional needs weren’t acknowledged or met as a child, you might struggle to recognise and articulate them as an adult. As a result, you might feel frustrated or unfulfilled in relationships, as you might not know how to ask for what you need.
11. You often feel like you’re not good enough.
Source: Unsplash A common lasting effect of growing up with emotionally unsupportive parents is a pervasive feeling of inadequacy. No matter your achievements, you might always feel like you’re falling short or that you’re inherently flawed in some way.
12. You have a hard time celebrating your successes.
Source: Unsplash When your accomplishments weren’t acknowledged or celebrated in childhood, you might find it hard to fully enjoy your successes as an adult. You might even downplay your achievements or feel uncomfortable when other people try to praise you.
13. You struggle with self-care.
If your emotional needs weren’t prioritised growing up, you might find it challenging to prioritise yourself as an adult. Self-care might feel selfish or unnecessary, which then leads to neglect of your physical and emotional health. This can come back to bite you!
14. You have a tendency to overthink and overanalyse.
Growing up in an emotionally unsupportive environment often leads to a habit of constantly second-guessing yourself. You might end up overthinking every decision or interaction, always worried about potential negative outcomes or judgments from other people.
15. You find it hard to relax and enjoy the moment.
When you’ve grown up always being on edge, relaxation doesn’t come easily. You might find it challenging to truly unwind and enjoy the present moment, always feeling like you need to be doing something productive or preparing for the next challenge.
16. You struggle with perfectionism.
In an attempt to gain approval or avoid criticism, you might have developed perfectionist tendencies. This might manifest in various areas of life, from work to personal relationships, often leading to unnecessary stress and anxiety.
17. You have difficulty trusting your own judgment.
When your thoughts and feelings weren’t validated as a child, you might struggle to trust your own judgment as an adult. As a result, it can lead to indecisiveness and a tendency to need lots of outside opinions before making decisions, even about small things.
18. You often feel responsible for other people’s emotions.
Growing up with emotionally unsupportive parents might have led you to become hyper-aware of other people’s feelings. As a result, you might find yourself taking on responsibility for their emotions, often at the expense of your own well-being.
