If you’re insecure, it probably shows.
People can tell, even when you don’t say a word. These subtle behaviours and habits are broadcasting your lack of confidence to everyone around you. But here’s the good news: once you’re aware of these tells, you can start to change them. Here are some of the unconscious signals you might be sending. Once you’re aware of them, you can start to fix them — and start working on your self-confidence.
1. Constant phone checking
You pull out your phone every few minutes, even when it hasn’t buzzed. This isn’t just rude; it’s a clear sign you’re uncomfortable in social situations. You’re using your device as a shield, avoiding eye contact and real conversations. Put the phone away and engage with the people around you. If you must check it, excuse yourself politely and step away for a moment.
2. Overexplaining your decisions
When someone asks about your choice, you launch into a lengthy justification. A simple “I prefer this” or “It works for me” would suffice, but you feel compelled to defend yourself. This behaviour suggests you don’t trust your own judgment and need external validation. Practice giving concise answers without feeling the need to explain every detail of your thought process.
3. Excessive self-deprecating humour
You constantly make jokes at your own expense, thinking it makes you seem humble or relatable. In reality, it’s a defence mechanism to beat everyone else to the punch. This habit reinforces negative self-perception and makes people uncomfortable. Learn to accept compliments graciously and find humour that doesn’t rely on putting yourself down.
4. Mirroring other people’s opinions
You change your stance on topics based on who you’re talking to, afraid to disagree or stand out. This chameleon-like behaviour shows a lack of conviction in your own beliefs. It’s okay to have different opinions. Practice expressing your genuine thoughts, even if they differ from the group consensus. People respect authenticity more than blind agreement.
5. Overapologising
You say “sorry” for everything, even when you’ve done nothing wrong. This constant apologising diminishes the impact of genuine apologies and makes you appear weak. Reserve “sorry” for when you’ve actually made a mistake. For minor inconveniences, try saying “thank you for your patience” or “I appreciate your understanding” instead.
6. Avoiding eye contact
You struggle to maintain eye contact during conversations, looking away or down frequently. This makes you appear untrustworthy or disinterested, even if that’s not your intention. Practice holding eye contact for slightly longer periods. If it feels overwhelming, focus on the bridge of the person’s nose or alternate between their eyes.
7. Fidgeting excessively
You can’t keep still, constantly playing with your hair, tapping your foot, or fiddling with objects. This nervous energy is distracting and broadcasts your discomfort. Find subtle ways to channel this energy, like deep breathing or grounding exercises. When you catch yourself fidgeting, consciously relax your body and refocus on the conversation.
8. Speaking too quietly
Your voice becomes barely audible, especially in group settings or when sharing your ideas. This behaviour suggests you don’t believe your words are worth hearing. Practice speaking from your diaphragm and projecting your voice. Record yourself speaking and adjust your volume until you sound clear and confident.
9. Overusing filler words
Your speech is peppered with “um,” “like,” and “you know.” These verbal crutches make you sound uncertain and unprepared. Slow down your speech and embrace brief pauses instead. This gives you time to gather your thoughts and makes your words more impactful.
10. Slouching or hunching
Your posture screams discomfort, with rounded shoulders and a curved spine. This closed-off body language makes you appear smaller and less confident. Stand or sit up straight, imagine a string pulling you up from the crown of your head. Good posture not only looks more confident but can actually make you feel more self-assured.
11. Nervous laughter
You giggle or chuckle at inappropriate moments, especially during serious conversations. This misplaced laughter is a defence mechanism, attempting to defuse tension you feel internally. Take a deep breath when you feel the urge to laugh nervously. Focus on responding thoughtfully rather than reactively.
12. Constantly looking for reassurance
Source: Unsplash You pepper your conversations with phrases like “Does that make sense?” or “Right?” This habit shows you doubt your ability to communicate effectively. Trust that your words are clear. If someone doesn’t understand, they’ll ask for clarification. Save these check-ins for truly complex topics.
13. Avoiding compliments
Source: Unsplash When someone praises you, you immediately deflect or downplay your accomplishments. This false modesty actually comes across as insecurity. Learn to accept compliments graciously with a simple “Thank you, I appreciate that.” Allow yourself to feel proud of your achievements without diminishing them.
14. Oversharing personal information
You divulge intimate details about your life to people you barely know. This behaviour stems from a desire to form quick connections, but it often backfires. Respect your own privacy and build relationships gradually. Share personal information as trust develops naturally, not as a shortcut to intimacy.
15. Constantly comparing yourself to other people
You frequently point out how you measure up (or don’t) to people around you. This habit reveals your insecurity and can make people uncomfortable. Focus on your own growth and progress instead of measuring yourself against anyone else. Celebrate your unique qualities and accomplishments without reference to anyone else.
16. Inability to accept help
You refuse assistance, even when you clearly need it. This stubbornness stems from fear of appearing weak or incompetent. Recognise that accepting help is a sign of strength, not weakness. It shows you value efficiency and teamwork over your own ego. Practice asking for and graciously accepting help when appropriate.
17. Overcommitting yourself
Source: Unsplash You say yes to every request or invitation, afraid of disappointing people or missing out. This people-pleasing behaviour leads to burnout and resentment. Learn to assess your capacity realistically and say no when necessary. Respect your own time and energy as much as you respect other people’s.
18. Perfectionism paralysis
You struggle to start or complete projects, fearing they won’t be perfect. This all-or-nothing mindset holds you back from growth and achievement. Embrace the concept of “good enough” for most tasks. Set realistic standards, focus on progress over perfection, and learn from the process rather than fixating on flawless outcomes.
