You can’t expect to be the centre of your partner’s universe, but you’d like to be a priority, of course.
Source: Unsplash Sometimes life gets crazy and romantic relationships are the least of a person’s concerns, but that re-jigging of priorities should be temporary at best. If you notice these things happening regularly, you’re at the bottom of your partner’s list, and that’s not good.
1. Your texts often go unanswered for hours or even days.
Source: Unsplash We all have busy moments when we can’t respond right away, but if your messages consistently languish in your partner’s inbox, it might be a red flag. You don’t expect instant replies 24/7, but an overall pattern of being ignored is hard to stomach. If your partner always seems to have time to scroll through social media or respond to their mates, but your messages are left on read, it could indicate that communicating with you isn’t a priority for them. This doesn’t mean they need to be glued to their phone, but a consistent lack of response can be disheartening and make you feel unimportant.
2. They rarely ask about your day or your feelings.
In a healthy relationship, there’s usually a genuine interest in each other’s lives and emotional states. If your partner never asks about your day, your work, or how you’re feeling, it might suggest a lack of investment in your life. When was the last time they asked how your big presentation went, or remembered that you had a doctor’s appointment? These little acts of caring and remembering are often the glue that holds relationships together.
3. Your plans together are always last-minute or an afterthought.
Source: Unsplash If your partner only seems to make plans with you when all other options have fallen through, it’s not a great sign. Relationships thrive on quality time together, and that often requires some forethought and planning. Does your partner ever suggest future dates or activities, or are you always the one initiating? If you find yourself constantly being slotted into their schedule as a last resort, rather than a priority, it might be time to reassess. A partner who values your time together will make an effort to carve out space for you in their life, not just fit you in when it’s convenient.
4. They’re always “too busy” for your important events.
Source: Unsplash Life can get hectic, and sometimes we all have to miss things we’d rather attend. But if your partner consistently finds excuses to skip events that are important to you, it’s worth noting. Whether it’s a work function, a family gathering, or a personal milestone, a supportive partner will make an effort to be there for the big moments in your life. If they’re always “too busy” or find reasons why they can’t attend, it might indicate that your priorities aren’t aligning. They don’t have to show up for every single event, but they should be present for the ones that matter to you.
5. Your conversations are always surface-level.
Source: Unsplash Depth of communication is often a good indicator of the health of a relationship. If your conversations with your partner never seem to go beyond small talk or practical matters, it could be a sign of emotional distance. Do you find yourself craving deeper discussions about your feelings, dreams, or fears? A partner who prioritises your relationship will make time for meaningful conversations, not just logistical chats about who’s picking up the groceries. If you can’t remember the last time you had a heart-to-heart, it might be time to consider why.
6. They’re quick to dismiss your concerns or feelings.
In a healthy relationship, both partners’ feelings are valued and respected, even if they don’t always agree. If your partner consistently brushes off your concerns or belittles your feelings, it’s a worrying sign. Do they respond with phrases like “You’re overreacting” or “It’s not a big deal” when you try to express your emotions? This dismissive attitude can make you feel unimportant and invalidated. A partner who prioritises your relationship will take the time to listen and understand your perspective, even if it’s different from their own.
7. They prioritise work or hobbies over quality time with you.
While it’s healthy to have interests outside of your relationship, there needs to be a balance. If your partner consistently chooses to work late, hang out with friends, or indulge in their hobbies rather than spend time with you, it might indicate a problem. You’re not demanding all of their free time, but you’d like to feel like you’re an important part of their life. Do they ever turn down optional overtime or reschedule other commitments to be with you? If not, it could be a sign that you’re not as high on their priority list as you’d like to be.
8. They’re always on their phone when you’re together.
In our digital age, it’s easy to get distracted by our devices. However, if your partner is constantly glued to their phone when you’re spending time together, it’s a sign that they’re not fully present in the moment with you. Do they respond to every notification immediately, even during conversations or meals? This behaviour can make you feel like you’re competing for attention with their device. While occasional phone use is normal, consistently prioritising digital interactions over face-to-face time with you is a concerning sign.
9. They rarely initiate physical affection.
Physical intimacy isn’t just about what happens in the bedroom; it’s hose small, everyday moments of connection. If your partner rarely initiates hugs, kisses, or even simple touches like holding hands, it might indicate an emotional distance. Of course, everyone has different levels of comfort with physical affection, but a noticeable decrease or complete lack of initiation from their side could be a red flag.
10. Your achievements go unnoticed or uncelebrated.
When you reach a milestone or accomplish something you’re proud of, does your partner share in your excitement? If they consistently forget or downplay your achievements, it might suggest they’re not fully invested in your growth and happiness. A supportive partner will celebrate your wins, no matter how small. If you find yourself hesitating to share good news because you expect a lukewarm response, it’s worth considering why.
11. They make major decisions without consulting you.
In a committed relationship, big decisions should generally be made together. If your partner is making significant life choices without even discussing them with you, it’s a sign that they don’t see you as an equal partner. This could be anything from accepting a job in another city to making a large purchase. While they don’t need your permission for everything, a lack of consultation on major decisions that affect both of you suggests they’re not prioritising your role in their life.
12. They’re inconsistent with their affection and attention.
If your partner’s behaviour towards you is hot and cold, it can leave you feeling confused and insecure. One day, they might be attentive and loving, the next distant and uninterested. This inconsistency can be a sign that you’re not a stable priority in their life. Relationships naturally have ups and downs, but a constant rollercoaster of attention and neglect is not healthy.
13. They don’t make an effort to get along with your friends and family.
A partner who values you will generally make an effort to get along with the important people in your life. If they consistently avoid family gatherings or make excuses not to meet your friends, it could indicate that they’re not invested in integrating into your life fully. This doesn’t mean they need to be best mates with everyone you know, but a basic level of effort and courtesy is usually a sign of respect for you and your relationships.
14. They don’t remember important details about you.
Does your partner often forget things that are important to you? This could be anything from your food allergies to the name of the project you’ve been stressing about at work. While no one has a perfect memory, consistently forgetting key details about your life might suggest that they’re not paying attention or don’t consider this information important enough to remember. It’s these small details that often make us feel truly seen and valued in a relationship.
15. They don’t make an effort to work through problems.
Every relationship has disagreements, but how they’re handled can tell you a lot. If your partner tends to brush conflicts under the rug or refuses to engage in finding solutions, it might indicate that maintaining peace in your relationship isn’t a priority for them. A partner who values your relationship will be willing to have difficult conversations and work towards resolutions, even when it’s uncomfortable.
16. They don’t include you in their plans for the future.
When your partner talks about their future, do you feature in it? If they consistently make plans or talk about future goals without considering how you fit into the picture, it could be a sign that they don’t see you as a long-term priority. This doesn’t mean they need to have your entire lives mapped out together, but a complete absence of “we” in future talk can be concerning.
17. They’re not interested in your hobbies or passions.
While your partner doesn’t need to share all your interests, showing some curiosity or support for your passions is a sign of care and respect. If they consistently dismiss or show no interest in the things that light you up, it might suggest they’re not prioritising your happiness and fulfilment. A supportive partner will make an effort to understand and encourage your interests, even if they don’t share them.
18. They don’t prioritise your intimate needs and desires.
In an intimate relationship, both partners’ needs and desires should be considered. If your partner consistently prioritises their own satisfaction over yours, or shows little interest in your pleasure, it could indicate a broader pattern of selfishness in the relationship. This isn’t just about frequency, but about mutual care and consideration in your intimate life. A partner who values you will be interested in your satisfaction and comfort, not just their own.
