No one willingly gets involved with a narcissist, but if you’re unfortunate enough to encounter one, you’re in for a world of trouble.
They’re not satisfied with simply manipulating and controlling you. The truth is that the longer you allow them to be in your life, the more they’ll take from you until you’re a shell of your formal self. The saddest part is, getting these things back after the narcissist wrenches them away from you will be an uphill battle.
1. Your self-confidence
Narcissists will criticise, compare, and make people doubt themselves at every turn. Before long, their victims are second-guessing everything they do. Getting that confidence back takes time and effort. When you’re starting from scratch, you have to remind yourself of your worth and abilities. Bit by bit, it’s possible to build back up. The narcissist’s opinion isn’t the truth — it’s just their twisted version of reality.
2. Your sense of reality
Gaslighting is a narcissist’s speciality. They’ll deny things that happened, twist words, and make people question their own memories. Reclaiming a grip on reality means trusting your gut again. Keeping a journal, talking to trusted friends, and remembering that experiences are valid might be a good place to start.
3. Your ability to set boundaries
Narcissists will push past your boundaries until they no longer exist. Getting back the ability to say “no” and stick to it is like trying to rebuild a muscle that’s gone all weak and wobbly. Set a tiny boundary and hold firm to it as a bit of practice. Then, gradually work up to bigger ones. It might feel uncomfortable at first, but it’s important to remember that everyone has the right to have limits.
4. Your energy levels
Being around a narcissist is like being stuck with an energy vampire — they’ll drain you dry with their constant demands and drama. It takes time and patience to get your vitality back. Prioritising self-care — getting enough sleep, eating well, and doing things that feel good — is a great place to start. Slowly but surely, energy levels can creep back up. This time, it’s important to guard it fiercely — not everyone deserves access to that power supply.
5. Your sense of identity
Narcissists have a way of making everything about them, and before long, their victims lose sight of who they are. Recovering your identity will take a bit of digging to find the real you underneath all the layers of rubble. Reconnecting with old hobbies, spending time alone, and reflecting on personal wants (not what the narcissist wanted) are good options to get you back on the right path. Stick with it, even if it feels weird at first.
6. Your ability to trust people
Source: Unsplash After dealing with a narcissist’s lies and manipulations, trusting anyone can feel like a massive risk. Sadly, rebuilding trust is a slow process. Start small, maybe with a pet or a trusted family member, so you know you’re safe. Then, gradually start to open up to more people while listening to your gut. Not everyone is like the narcissist. There are good people out there, but it’s okay to be cautious while healing.
7. Your sense of time
Source: Unsplash Narcissists always demand attention and energy, to the point that your schedule eventually revolves entirely around them. However, it’s important to reclaim your time. Carve out some small pockets of time just for yourself, then gradually start to increase it. It’s important to remember that time is a personal resource to spend however you want. There’s no need to justify how it’s used to anyone.
8. Your ability to make decisions
Source: Unsplash After constantly being told what to do or having choices criticised, making decisions can feel impossible. Get back into the habit by deciding what to have for lunch, then working up to bigger choices — you’ll get there. It’s important not to beat yourself up for struggling at first. There’s no ‘perfect’ decision, just the one that feels right for you.
9. Your social circle
Source: Unsplash Narcissists often isolate their victims, pushing away friends and family, and rebuilding your social network is going to take time and effort. Reach out to old friends, join clubs or groups, and be open to new connections — these things are a good start. It’s important to remember that quality matters more than quantity, as well. Focusing on building relationships with people who respect and value you is key.
10. Your sense of humour
Source: Unsplash Life with a narcissist can be so intense and draining that people forget how to laugh. Getting your sense of humour back is vital, so start by looking for things that make you smile — funny videos, comedies, time with your friends. Gradually, laughter can return. When it does, it’s worth celebrating. Laughter is a sign of healing.
11. Your financial stability
Source: Unsplash Regaining control of finances after a narcissist took control of them can feel overwhelming and intense. Start by assessing the damage, then make a plan for the future. Setting a budget, starting to save (even tiny amounts), and learning about money management are important steps. It might be a slog, but financial independence is a huge step towards overall independence.
12. Your sense of purpose
Source: Unsplash When constantly focused on the narcissist’s needs and dramas, your own personal goals and dreams can fall by the wayside. Finding purpose again is hard but important. Start by reconnecting with things that light up your soul can help. Think back to the things you used to be passionate about, or explore some new interests. You’ll be back to your old self in no time!
13. Your ability to relax
Source: Unsplash Living with a narcissist means always being on edge, waiting for the next drama, and learning to relax again isn’t easy. Start with small moments of calm — a few deep breaths, a short walk, or a relaxing cuppa can really help. Gradually building up to longer periods of relaxation is important, too. You’re safe now. There’s no need to be on high alert anymore.
14. Your ability to trust your intuition
Source: Unsplash Narcissists are great at making people doubt their gut feelings. Tune into the body and pay attention to how different situations feel physically. Your intuition is still there, it’s just been shouted down for a while. Giving it time and space to speak up again is the way forward.
15. Your creativity
Source: Unsplash When you’re busy managing a narcissist’s moods and needs, there’s not much energy left for creative pursuits. You don’t have to do anything major to start reconnecting with that side of yourself — doodling, humming a tune, writing a few lines are all good places to start. Not judging what comes out, just enjoying the process, is important. Gradually, that creative spark can flicker back to life.
16. Your physical health
Source: Unsplash The stress of dealing with a narcissist can take a real toll on your body. Starting with the basics — eating well, getting enough sleep, moving the body — can help. Listening to what the body needs is a must, especially because taking care of your physical health is a way of reclaiming control over your life.
17. Your ability to accept compliments
Source: Unsplash After constant criticism, genuine compliments can feel foreign or even suspicious. Start by simply saying “thank you” when complimented, even if it doesn’t feel believable yet. Gradually letting those kind words sink in is important. Everyone is worthy of praise and appreciation, especially you.
18. Your hope for the future
Living with a narcissist can make the future seem bleak and hopeless. However, it doesn’t have to be like that — set small, achievable goals to start. Celebrating each victory, no matter how small, is important. It’s important to remember that surviving the worst is possible. The future is there to shape, and it can be bright.
