Standing up for yourself isn’t easy — especially when you’re dealing with intimidating or powerful people.
Nevertheless, mastering a certain level of assertiveness is a must to ensure you’re protecting yourself, enforcing your boundaries, and making your voice heard. If you struggle to do these things, don’t be too hard on yourself. Instead, follow these tips to gain the confidence and courage needed to speak up and stand firm.
1. Know your worth.
It all starts with knowing that you matter. When you truly understand that your feelings, thoughts, and needs are just as valid as anyone else’s, it becomes easier to assert yourself. Keep reminding yourself of your strengths and what you bring to the table — your confidence will grow with time, and you’ll be able to speak up when it counts.
2. Use “I” statements.
Instead of saying “You always…” and putting someone on the defensive, try starting with “I” — like “I feel upset when…” This focuses on your feelings and helps keep the conversation respectful. It’s less confrontational and more about expressing how things affect you, which makes it easier to get your point across without escalating tensions.
3. Practise saying no.
Saying “no” can feel awkward, but it’s a vital part of standing up for yourself. Start by practising in low-stakes situations, and remember that when you say no, you’re prioritising your mental and even your physical health. If something doesn’t align with your goals or capacity, it’s perfectly okay to decline — you don’t have to explain or justify every decision.
4. Set clear boundaries.
Source: Unsplash Be specific about what works for you. Whether it’s not answering work emails after hours or needing time to yourself, communicate these boundaries early and clearly. Stick to them consistently, so other people understand and respect where you draw the line. The more you reinforce them, the easier it becomes to maintain.
5. Use confident body language.
Source: Unsplash Your body speaks volumes, even when you don’t say a word. Stand tall, make eye contact, and speak with a calm, steady voice. These small changes send a message of self-assurance and can help you feel more in control. Over time, it’ll feel more natural and give you a confidence boost when facing tough situations.
6. Express your opinions honestly.
Source: Unsplash Don’t hold back your thoughts just because they might differ from someone else’s. You have every right to share your perspective, so speak your mind respectfully. It’s fine to say, “I don’t know” or “I need more info,” too — honesty in communication builds respect and helps you assert your thoughts clearly.
7. Listen actively.
Source: Unsplash Assertiveness is a two-way street. Show that you respect the other person’s viewpoint by really listening to them. Acknowledge what they’re saying and respond thoughtfully. This creates a more balanced conversation where both sides feel heard, which can make standing up for yourself feel less intimidating.
8. Be a broken record.
Source: Unsplash When someone keeps pushing, calmly repeat your stance. It might feel weird at first, but staying calm and repeating, “I’m not interested, thanks,” or “I can’t take that on right now” helps reinforce your boundaries without getting heated. Eventually, they’ll get the message without you having to argue or defend yourself.
9. Practise self-affirmation.
Source: Unsplash Give yourself regular pep talks. Remind yourself of your value with phrases like “I’m worthy” or “I can handle this.” This boosts your confidence, especially before going into situations where you know you’ll need to assert yourself. The more you believe in yourself, the easier it is to stand tall in difficult moments.
10. Start small and build up.
Source: Unsplash You don’t have to jump straight into big confrontations. Start by asserting yourself in simpler, less stressful situations, like choosing where to eat or asking for help with something small. As you get more comfortable speaking up, you’ll feel more capable in tougher scenarios.
11. Use “we” language for problem-solving.
Source: Unsplash When facing a conflict, saying “we” instead of “you” can turn things into a team effort. Instead of blaming, try, “How can we fix this together?” It keeps the conversation cooperative and reduces the chances of it turning into a confrontation, making it easier for both sides to find a solution.
12. Know your rights.
Source: Unsplash Remember that you have the right to be heard, to say no, and to be treated with respect. Knowing what you’re entitled to in interactions can empower you to stand up when necessary. Assertiveness isn’t about disregarding other people’s rights — it’s about making sure yours aren’t ignored, either.
13. Prepare for important conversations.
If you know a tough conversation is coming, take some time to prepare. Plan out what you want to say and how you’ll say it. Run through possible responses and rehearse your answers. Going into the conversation prepared will help you stay calm and collected when the time comes.
14. Use assertive language.
Speak clearly and directly, without overusing words like “just” or “maybe.” Instead of “I just wondered if…” say “I would like…” Being direct helps avoid misunderstandings and shows you mean business. When you communicate assertively, it’s easier to get your point across without seeming hesitant.
15. Acknowledge and manage your emotions.
You don’t need to hide your feelings, but managing them can help you assert yourself better. If you’re angry or upset, take a moment to breathe and collect your thoughts. Saying “I feel frustrated when…” allows you to express yourself without letting emotions take over.
16. Avoid aggressive or passive-aggressive behaviour.
Being assertive doesn’t mean being rude. Avoid sarcasm, silent treatment, or aggressive language. Assertiveness is about being clear and respectful, not confrontational. Stay calm and focused on what you need, and you’ll stand up for yourself without burning bridges.
17. Accept compliments graciously.
Source: Unsplash When someone praises you, say “thank you” instead of brushing it off. Accepting compliments is part of acknowledging your worth, and it shows that you respect yourself enough to own your achievements. It’s a subtle but effective way of standing up for your value.
18. Learn to disagree respectfully.
You don’t always have to agree with everyone, and that’s okay. Respectfully saying, “I see it differently” allows you to voice your opinion without dismissing the other person’s. It’s a healthy way to assert your perspective while keeping the conversation constructive.
19. Take responsibility for your choices.
Own your actions and decisions. If something goes wrong, be honest about it rather than making excuses. Taking responsibility shows strength and integrity, and it encourages people to treat you with the same respect you’re giving yourself.
20. Ask for help and support when you need it.
Assertiveness takes practice, and it’s okay to ask for help. Whether it’s through friends, a mentor, or a professional, getting support along the way can make the process easier. Having someone in your corner can provide encouragement and perspective as you work on standing up for yourself.
