Toxic people rarely announce themselves directly—it’d save the rest of us a lot of trouble if they did.
They often seem charming, confident, or even kind—until their words start revealing what’s underneath. And while no one’s perfect, certain phrases tend to show up again and again in people who drain, manipulate, or disrespect people. If you keep hearing things that leave you feeling confused, guilty, or on edge, it might not be you—it might be them. If you hear these things from someone on a regular basis, a toxic personality hiding in plain sight.
1. “You’re too touchy and uptight.”
This one’s a classic. Rather than acknowledging that their words were harsh or unkind, a toxic person flips it on you. Suddenly, your reaction is the problem—not what they said. It’s a subtle way of making you doubt your feelings and slowly teaches you to ignore your own emotional boundaries just to keep the peace.
2. “I was just joking.”
This is often said after something intentionally hurtful, and it’s used to dodge responsibility while still landing the blow. If you express hurt, they frame it as a failure on your part to understand their ‘humour.’ But the truth is, jokes shouldn’t punch down or make you feel small.
3. “That’s not what happened.”
Gaslighting 101. When someone denies your memory of an event, even when you’re sure, it’s usually not about the truth. It’s about control. They want to rewrite history so they can stay in the right, and you stay confused. Eventually, this can make you question your own reality. You know what happened, but suddenly, you wonder if maybe you don’t.
4. “You’re overreacting.”
This is yet another attempt to invalidate your emotions. If you’re upset, a healthy person tries to understand why. A toxic one dismisses it entirely. It’s a form of emotional minimising that makes you feel silly or dramatic for having very real feelings. Your reactions are valid and if someone cares about you, they should hear you out.
5. “No one else has a problem with me.”
This line is designed to isolate you. It suggests that if you have an issue, it must be your fault—because everyone else thinks they’re great (which, to be honest, probably isn’t true anyway). It’s a manipulation tactic that discourages you from trusting your own gut. Toxic people love to make you feel like the odd one out.
6. “Sorry you feel that way.”
It sounds like an apology, but it’s definitely not. This is a passive-aggressive way of brushing off your feelings while still acting like they’re being gracious. They’re not owning what they did; they’re making your emotions the issue instead of their behaviour. They’re clearly not sorry for how they acted!
7. “You’re lucky I put up with you.”
This is straight-up emotional manipulation. Instead of addressing a problem, they flip it to suggest you should feel grateful they haven’t left. It’s about power. And it’s meant to make you question your worth, so you stay stuck in the relationship, feeling like a burden. The truth is that they should be lucky you put up with them (and frankly, you shouldn’t).
8. “You’re just trying to start a fight.”
This shuts down any tough conversation before it starts. Toxic people use it when you try to bring up something that bothers you. By accusing you of stirring drama, they avoid accountability and train you to keep quiet instead of rocking the boat. It is actually possible to disagree about something or to work through a problem without it being a fight—if you’re emotionally mature, that is.
9. “That’s just how I am.”
Translation: I’m not changing, and I won’t try. This one is used to excuse everything from selfishness to cruelty. It’s a clear sign they’re not interested in growth, compromise, or reflection. It’s a wall, not a doorway. We all have faults, but if they’re unwilling to acknowledge or address theirs, that’s not okay.
10. “If you loved me, you’d…”
Love shouldn’t come with ultimatums. This turns your affection into a bargaining chip they can use to control you. It’s emotionally loaded and often used to pressure people into doing things they’re uncomfortable with. That’s not love—it’s coercion. You don’t have to do anything just because you care about someone, and if they cared about you, they wouldn’t ask.
11. “I don’t have time for this.”
This one is used when the conversation gets uncomfortable, or they’re about to be called out. Instead of facing hard truths, they walk away with a dramatic exit line. It’s dismissive, controlling, and designed to shut you down mid-sentence while they preserve their sense of superiority.
12. “I never said that.”
Even if you remember the exact words, toxic people will deny it. It’s another form of gaslighting that chips away at your sense of clarity. And when you second-guess yourself enough times, they win. Their version of reality becomes the default—even when it’s built on lies. There’s nothing wrong with your memory.
13. “You’re imagining things.”
They don’t want to discuss it, so they make your concerns sound delusional. Whether it’s subtle cheating signs or cold behaviour, you’re made to feel paranoid. It’s a way of covering their tracks while making you feel ashamed for noticing something was off in the first place.
14. “Don’t tell anyone, but…”
This might seem harmless, but if someone constantly gossips or reveals things that aren’t theirs to share, it’s a red flag. If they’ll do it about other people, they’ll do it about you. Toxic people love drama and secrets—just as long as they’re the ones pulling the strings.
15. “It’s your fault I’m like this.”
Blame-shifting is a core toxic trait. They won’t own their actions—they’ll point to your flaws, your tone, your past mistakes, anything to deflect. If someone is constantly saying you made them behave badly, it’s not self-reflection—it’s emotional manipulation dressed as honesty. You’re not responsible for anyone else’s behaviour.
16. “You always ruin everything.”
Big statements like this are meant to crush, not communicate. They’re emotionally abusive and wildly unfair, painting you as the problem in every situation. It’s designed to make you feel ashamed, small, and like nothing you do will ever be enough. Also, if they really feel that way, remind them where the door is. (Or, better yet, remind yourself!)
17. “You owe me.”
When someone starts keeping score, they’re not being generous—they’re building a future argument. Toxic people offer help with strings attached, and that “favour” always comes back around. Healthy people give freely. Toxic people trade—often without you realising you made a deal.
18. “I guess you’re perfect then.”
Sarcasm is often their shield. Instead of owning up, they get defensive, passive-aggressive, and play the victim. It’s a tactic that turns any attempt at resolution into a pity party—and suddenly, you’re the one apologising. Again. You don’t have to be perfect to deserve to be treated with respect, kindness, and care.
19. “Let’s just forget this happened.”
Ah yes, a favourite of those who hate accountability. Rather than fixing the issue, they want to sweep it under the rug and move on as if nothing happened. This phrase avoids healing, avoids growth, and leaves you sitting with unresolved tension while they pretend everything’s fine.
20. “No one else has ever complained.”
They use this to imply the issue must be with you—because everyone else supposedly accepts them as they are. It’s meant to shut you down and question your standards. But here’s the truth: your discomfort is valid, even if you’re the only one saying something. Toxic people count on your silence. Don’t give it to them.
If you keep hearing these kinds of phrases from someone in your life, it’s worth paying attention to how you feel around them—drained, uncertain, silenced. Words reveal more than we think. And sometimes, they’re the first clue that someone’s not as harmless as they seem.
