You might write off your comments as harmless, but are they really?
No matter your intentions, the things you say can have a huge effect on the people around you. That means if you’re saying these things, they’re not funny or no big deal — they’re basically bullying.
1. “It was just a joke! You’re too sensitive.”
Source: Unsplash This classic line is often used to dismiss someone’s hurt feelings after a hurtful comment. It shifts the blame onto the victim, making them feel like they’re overreacting. Realise that humour shouldn’t come at the expense of someone else’s feelings. If someone feels hurt, their emotions are valid, regardless of your intent.
2. “You’re so lucky you don’t have to worry about…”
Source: Unsplash This phrase might seem like a compliment, but it often masks jealousy or resentment. It implies that the person is somehow privileged or has an easier life than other people, minimising their struggles or challenges. Everyone has their own battles, and this phrase can be dismissive of their experiences.
3. “I’m just being honest.”
Source: Pexels Honesty is important, but it shouldn’t be used as an excuse to be hurtful. This phrase is often used to justify unkind remarks or personal attacks. There’s a difference between being honest and being brutal. Choose your words carefully and consider the impact they might have on other people.
4. “You’re overreacting.”
Source: Unsplash This phrase is designed to invalidate someone’s feelings and make them question their own reactions. It minimises their emotions and experiences, making them feel unheard and dismissed. Everyone has a right to their feelings, and telling them they’re overreacting is a form of emotional invalidation.
5. “Calm down, it’s not that big of a deal.”
Source: Unsplash This phrase can be incredibly dismissive and rude. It tells someone that their feelings or concerns are insignificant or unimportant. What might seem trivial to you might be a major issue for someone else. Instead of telling them to calm down, try to understand their perspective and validate their emotions.
6. “You always/never…”
Source: Unsplash These absolute statements are often used to paint someone in a negative light and generalise their behaviour. They’re rarely accurate and can be hurtful and unfair. Instead of using these generalisations, focus on specific instances and avoid making sweeping statements about someone’s character.
7. “You should be grateful for…”
Source: Unsplash This phrase is often used to guilt someone into feeling thankful for something they might not necessarily be grateful for. It can be a manipulative tactic used to control someone’s emotions or behaviour. Gratitude should come from the heart, not from a sense of obligation or guilt.
8. “You’re so dramatic.”
Source: Unsplash This phrase is often used to dismiss someone’s emotions as excessive or exaggerated. It can make them feel like their feelings aren’t valid or that they’re being too sensitive. Everyone experiences emotions differently, and there’s no right or wrong way to feel.
9. “I’m just teasing you.”
Source: Unsplash Teasing can be a fun and playful way to interact with people, but it can also cross the line into bullying. If someone is clearly upset by your teasing, it’s time to stop. Don’t use this phrase as an excuse to continue hurting someone’s feelings.
10. “Why can’t you be more like…”
Source: Unsplash This phrase is a classic comparison trap. It suggests that someone isn’t good enough as they are and should strive to be like someone else. This can be incredibly damaging to someone’s self-esteem and create feelings of inadequacy. Everyone is unique and should be celebrated for their individuality, not compared to other people.
11. “Lighten up! It’s not the end of the world.”
Source: Unsplash While it’s true that not every problem is catastrophic, this phrase can minimise someone’s feelings and make them feel like their concerns are trivial. It’s important to acknowledge and validate their emotions, even if you don’t personally share their level of concern.
12. “You’re so sensitive, I can’t say anything around you anymore.”
This statement shifts the blame onto the victim, making them feel like they’re the problem. It also creates a sense of isolation and can discourage them from speaking up in the future. Instead of blaming them for their sensitivity, try to communicate in a more considerate and respectful way.
13. “You know I love you, but…”
Source: Unsplash This phrase might seem affectionate, but it’s often followed by a backhanded compliment or a criticism disguised as love. It’s a manipulative tactic that can leave someone feeling hurt and confused. Express your love and appreciation without adding a “but” that negates your positive words.
14. “I’m just trying to help you.”
Source: Unsplash While offering help is often appreciated, this phrase can be used to mask unsolicited advice or criticism. It can also be a way of exerting control over someone’s decisions or actions. Before offering help, make sure it’s actually wanted and needed, and respect the other person’s autonomy.
15. “You should smile more.”
Source: Unsplash This seemingly harmless phrase can actually be quite demeaning, especially when directed at women. It suggests that someone’s value is tied to their appearance and that they should constantly be cheerful, regardless of how they’re actually feeling. Everyone has the right to express their emotions, and telling them to smile more is a form of emotional policing.
16. “I was only joking.”
Source: Unsplash Similar to “It was just a joke,” this phrase is often used as a defence mechanism when someone’s humour crosses the line. It’s important to recognise that not everyone finds the same things funny, and if your “joke” hurts someone’s feelings, it’s not a joke anymore. Take responsibility for your words and apologise if you’ve offended someone.
17. “You’re lucky I put up with you.”
Source: Unsplash This phrase implies that the person is a burden or a nuisance, and that their presence is tolerated rather than appreciated. It’s a hurtful and demeaning statement that can really hurt someone’s self-worth. Every relationship should be built on mutual respect and appreciation, not on a feeling of obligation or burden.
18. “You’ll never find anyone better than me.”
Source: Unsplash This phrase is often used as a threat or a way to control someone’s behaviour. It suggests that the person is lucky to have you and that they should be grateful for your presence, even if you’re mistreating them. This is a manipulative tactic that can trap someone in an unhealthy relationship.
19. “If you really cared about me, you would…”
Source: Unsplash This phrase is a classic guilt trip, designed to make someone feel obligated to do something they might not want to do. It’s a manipulative tactic that can create resentment and strain relationships. Instead of trying to guilt someone into doing what you want, try to communicate your needs and feelings in a more direct and respectful way.
20. “You’re too sensitive.”
This phrase is often used to dismiss someone’s feelings and invalidate their experiences. It suggests that their emotions are a weakness or a flaw, rather than a natural human response. Everyone has different sensitivities, and it’s important to respect and validate those differences, rather than dismiss them as “too sensitive.”
