Many people assume that it’s easy to spot a toxic person from a mile away, but that’s not always the case.
The truth is that a lot of bad people are extremely convincing when it comes to seeming like good ones, and you don’t realise the truth until it’s far too late, and you’ve already welcomed them into your life with open arms. If you’ve been getting the sneaking suspicion that all’s not well with your new partner or friend, here are some signs you’re probably right.
1. You’re hesitant to share good news with them.
If you catch yourself holding back from sharing your accomplishments or happy moments, it might be because you’ve noticed they don’t react well to your success. You might not think it’s worth it to share with them, since they have a tendency to downplay your achievements or somehow turn the conversation back to themselves.
2. Your self-talk has become more negative since knowing them.
Pay attention to your inner dialogue. If you’ve noticed an increase in self-doubt or negative self-talk that echoes their words or attitudes, it could be a sign their influence is affecting your self-perception. Healthy relationships should bolster your confidence, not destroy it.
3. You’re always the one initiating plans or conversations.
While it’s normal for relationships to have ebbs and flows, consistently being the one to reach out can be draining. If you’re always the one initiating contact or making plans, it might mean there’s an imbalance in the relationship where your effort isn’t being reciprocated.
4. Your other relationships are suffering.
Sometimes, a toxic relationship can have a ripple effect on other areas of your life. If you notice you’re spending less time with other friends or family, or that the quality of these relationships is declining, it might be due to the energy and time this person is demanding from you.
5. You’ve started to adopt their negative habits or attitudes.
We often pick up traits from those we spend time with. If you start adopting behaviours or attitudes that don’t align with your values, it might be a sign that this person’s influence is more negative than positive. Be particularly wary if these are habits or mindsets you previously disliked.
6. You feel the need to explain or justify their behaviour to other people.
If you always end up making excuses for this person’s actions or words to your other friends or family, it might be a sign that on some level, you recognise their behaviour is problematic. A healthy relationship shouldn’t require constant explanation or justification to other people.
7. Your goals and ambitions seem less important now.
A subtle sign of a negative influence is when your personal aspirations start to take a back seat. If you’re feeling less motivated to pursue your goals or if they seem less important now, it could be because this person isn’t supportive of your ambitions or is actively discouraging them.
8. You’ve noticed changes in your sleep patterns or appetite.
Our bodies often react to stress before our minds fully recognise it. If you’ve noticed changes in your sleep patterns, appetite, or other physical symptoms without an apparent cause, it could be your body’s response to the stress of an unhealthy relationship.
9. You feel relief when they cancel plans.
Pay attention to your emotional response when plans with this person fall through. If your predominant feeling is relief rather than disappointment, it might be a sign that spending time with them is more draining than enjoyable.
10. Your sense of humour has changed around them.
Humour is a subtle but important aspect of our personalities. If you start laughing at jokes you’d normally find offensive, or if your own sense of humour has become more cynical or mean-spirited, it could be a sign that this person is negatively influencing your outlook.
11. You’ve started to question your own judgement more often.
While it’s healthy to reflect on our decisions, constantly second-guessing yourself can be a sign of undermined confidence. If you’ve noticed an increase in self-doubt, especially in areas where you were previously confident, it might be due to this person’s influence.
12. Your creativity or productivity has declined.
Creative energy and productivity can be sensitive to our emotional state and environment. If you’ve noticed a decline in your creative output or overall productivity, it could be because this relationship is draining your mental and emotional resources.
13. You’ve started to avoid certain topics or activities you once enjoyed.
If you’ve started steering clear of subjects or activities that you previously enjoyed because of this person’s reactions or opinions, it might be a sign that you’re compromising too much of yourself for the relationship. You shouldn’t have to sacrifice parts of yourself to keep someone in your life.
14. Your financial decisions have become less responsible.
Sometimes, the influence of the wrong person can extend to practical areas like finances. If you’ve noticed yourself making uncharacteristically irresponsible financial decisions, it might be worth examining whether this person’s influence is a factor.
15. You feel the need to check in with them before making decisions.
While it’s normal to consult loved ones about important decisions, feeling like you need their approval for every choice can indicate an unhealthy dependence. If you’re losing trust in your own judgement, it might be due to this person’s influence.
16. Your personal growth seems to have stagnated.
Healthy relationships often inspire us to grow and improve. If you feel like you’ve stopped learning or developing as a person since this relationship began, it might be because they’re not challenging you in positive ways or are actively holding you back.
17. You’ve noticed changes in your personal style or appearance to please them.
Source: Unsplash While it’s natural for our style to evolve, if you’ve made huge changes to your appearance primarily to gain this person’s approval, it could be a sign that you’re compromising your identity for the relationship.
18. Your relationship with technology has changed.
If you’ve noticed yourself constantly checking your phone for messages from them, or conversely, feeling anxious when you see a notification from them, it might indicate an unhealthy dynamic in the relationship.
19. You’ve started to lose interest in self-care.
Source: Unsplash Self-care is often one of the first things to slip when we’re in an unhealthy relationship. If you’ve noticed yourself neglecting activities that used to make you feel good, it could be a sign that this relationship is taking a toll on your well-being.
20. You can’t envision a positive future with them in it.
Source: Unsplash When you think about your future, pay attention to how you feel about this person’s role in it. If you struggle to imagine a positive future that includes them, or if the thought of them in your future makes you feel anxious or trapped, it might be a sign that this isn’t the right relationship for you.
