When you’re in a secure, long-term relationship, you often take for granted that your partner will always be faithful.
However, people change and so do the feelings between them, and there’s always a chance that at some point or another, your partner might find themselves falling for someone else. They probably don’t mean it, but it happens, and it can be incredibly hurtful. They might not immediately have the nerve to speak to you about this, but that doesn’t mean you don’t deserve to know. Here are some signs to look out for that your partner is developing feelings for someone else.
1. They seem emotionally distant and withdrawn.
If your usually affectionate and communicative partner suddenly becomes distant, it could be a red flag. Maybe they seem less interested in your day, offer fewer cuddles, or have stopped sharing their thoughts and feelings. While this could be due to stress or other factors, it’s worth paying attention to if it becomes a persistent pattern.
2. They’re constantly comparing you to someone else.
Maybe they casually mention a coworker’s accomplishments or gush about a friend’s new haircut a bit too much. While harmless admiration is normal, frequent comparisons can be a sign that your partner is measuring you against someone else, which can be hurtful and damaging to your self-esteem.
3. They’ve become overly secretive about their phone or online activity.
Does your partner suddenly guard their phone like a state secret? Do they quickly close tabs or change the screen when you walk by? While everyone is entitled to privacy, excessive secrecy can raise suspicions, especially if it’s a new behaviour. It’s important to communicate openly and address any concerns you have.
4. They’re less interested in physical intimacy.
A decrease in physical affection, whether it’s cuddling, kissing, or sex, can be a sign that your partner’s heart isn’t fully in the relationship any more. While there are many reasons why someone’s libido might change, a sudden and unexplained drop in intimacy could be a cause for concern.
5. They’re picking fights or starting arguments more often.
Increased conflict can be a sign of underlying tension or dissatisfaction in a relationship. If your partner seems to be picking fights over minor issues or constantly nitpicking your behaviour, it could be a way for them to create distance and justify their emotional withdrawal.
6. They seem distracted or preoccupied when you’re together.
Notice if your partner seems mentally checked out during your conversations or date nights. Perhaps their eyes glaze over, they constantly check their phone, or they give short, dismissive answers. If they seem more focused on something (or someone) else, it might indicate their heart is elsewhere.
7. They’re suddenly very critical of you.
If your partner starts picking apart your appearance, personality, or habits, it could be a sign that they’re looking for reasons to justify their feelings for someone else. This criticism can be hurtful and undermine your self-worth. It’s important to address this behaviour and set clear boundaries.
8. They’ve become less interested in your life and activities.
A loving partner is usually interested in your day, your hobbies, and your dreams. If they’ve suddenly become indifferent or dismissive of these things, it could be a sign that they’re emotionally distancing themselves and investing their energy elsewhere.
9. They mention someone new frequently.
Is there a new name that keeps popping up in your partner’s conversations? Do they seem overly eager to share details about this person’s life, work, or interests? While having friends outside your relationship is healthy, an excessive focus on one particular person could be a sign that something deeper is developing.
10. They change their appearance or style.
Has your partner suddenly started dressing differently, working out more, or taking extra care with their grooming? While personal growth and self-improvement are positive things, a dramatic change in appearance could be a sign they’re trying to impress someone new.
11. They’re less available and make excuses for why they can’t see you.
If your partner seems to be cancelling dates, working late more often, or finding excuses to avoid spending time with you, it might be a cause for concern. While everyone has busy periods, a consistent pattern of unavailability could be a sign they’re prioritising someone else over you.
12. They get defensive or evasive when you ask questions.
If your attempts to have an open and honest conversation about your concerns are met with defensiveness, hostility, or vague answers, it might be a sign that your partner is hiding something. A healthy relationship should allow for open communication and a willingness to address each other’s concerns.
13. They seem happier or more energised when they’re not with you.
Have you noticed that your partner seems more cheerful and animated when they’re talking about work, hobbies, or activities that don’t involve you? While it’s normal to have interests outside your relationship, a noticeable difference in their demeanour when they’re with you versus when they’re not could be a red flag.
14. They start new hobbies or activities without you.
Source: Unsplash If your partner suddenly takes up a new hobby or starts spending time with a new group of friends without inviting you to join, it could be a sign they’re creating a separate life that doesn’t include you. While having individual interests is important, a healthy relationship involves sharing experiences and supporting each other’s passions.
15. They’re less affectionate and intimate.
Source: Unsplash Physical and emotional intimacy are crucial components of a romantic relationship. If your partner seems less interested in cuddling, kissing, or having sex, it could be a sign that their affections are waning. While there could be other explanations, such as stress or health issues, a sudden and unexplained decrease in intimacy could be a sign that they’re emotionally or physically involved with someone else.
16. They talk about the future less or avoid making plans with you.
If your partner used to talk about your future together, whether it was making travel plans, discussing moving in together, or simply expressing a desire to grow old with you, and those conversations have stopped, it could be a sign they’re no longer invested in the relationship’s long-term prospects. This could be because they’re envisioning a future with someone else.
17. You find them flirting with or showing excessive interest in someone else.
Source: Unsplash This is a pretty obvious sign, but it’s worth mentioning. If you catch your partner flirting with someone else, making inappropriate comments, or showing an unusual amount of interest in their life, it’s a clear indication that their attention is wandering. This kind of behaviour is disrespectful and can be deeply hurtful.
18. They accuse you of being jealous or insecure.
Source: Unsplash When you express your concerns about their behaviour, they might turn the tables and accuse you of being jealous or insecure. This is a classic deflection tactic that aims to make you doubt your own feelings and perceptions. While it’s important to communicate your concerns in a calm and respectful manner, don’t let your partner gaslight you into thinking your worries are unfounded.
19. You have a gut feeling that something isn’t right.
Source: Unsplash Sometimes, our intuition can be our most powerful guide. If you have a nagging feeling that something is off in your relationship, don’t ignore it. Trust your gut and pay attention to any subtle changes in your partner’s behaviour. It’s better to address your concerns head-on than to let them fester and potentially lead to further hurt down the line.
20. They admit to having feelings for someone else.
Source: Unsplash While this might seem like a no-brainer, sometimes people are surprisingly candid about their feelings. If your partner admits to having feelings for someone else, it’s important to take them at their word. This doesn’t necessarily mean the relationship is over, but it does require open and honest communication about what you both want and where you see the relationship going.
