We’ve all worked for a toxic boss at some point who said all the right things — and did all the wrong ones.
These so-called leaders are manipulative, inconsiderate, and will milk you for everything they can get out of you. The only upside is that once you recognise their tricks, you can spot them a mile away. Here are some things toxic bosses often say and what they really mean. Don’t fall for them!
1. “We’re like a family here.”
While this might sound warm and inviting, it’s often a red flag. What they really mean is that they expect you to prioritise work above all else, including your actual family. It’s a subtle way of saying they’ll ask you to work long hours, weekends, or even holidays, guilt-tripping you if you refuse because “family” wouldn’t let each other down.
2. “I’m just playing devil’s advocate.”
This is often used to criticise your ideas without taking responsibility for the criticism. What they really mean is that they don’t like or agree with your suggestion, but they don’t want to engage in a constructive discussion about it. It’s a way to shut down your ideas while appearing to be intellectually curious.
3. “You’re lucky to have this job.”
This is a classic tactic to keep you from asking for better conditions or pay. In other words, “Don’t complain or ask for more because you’re replaceable.” It’s meant to instil a sense of insecurity and gratitude, making you less likely to stand up for yourself or look for better opportunities elsewhere.
4. “I need you to be a team player.”
While teamwork is important, toxic bosses often use this gem to manipulate you into doing things outside your job description or comfort zone. Basically, “Do what I say without questioning it.” It’s a way to pressure you into compliance by implying that any resistance means you’re not cooperative.
5. “This is an exciting opportunity for you.”
Be wary when you hear this, especially if it’s attached to additional responsibilities without extra compensation. What they’re really saying is, “I’m going to give you more work without more pay, but I’m framing it as a positive.” It’s a way to exploit your desire for growth and advancement for the company’s benefit.
6. “I have an open-door policy.”
While this sounds welcoming, toxic bosses often use it as a facade of approachability. If they were being honest, they’d just say, “I want to appear accessible, but don’t actually come to me with problems.” They’re trying to create the illusion of openness while maintaining distance and avoiding accountability for addressing issues.
7. “We need to talk about your attitude.”
This ominous phrase is often used when you’ve shown any sign of dissent or assertiveness. Unless you’ve actually had any outbursts or been inappropriate in any way, they’re really saying, “You’re not being submissive enough, and I want to remind you who’s in charge.” It’s their way of instilling fear and suppressing any behaviour they perceive as challenging their authority.
8. “I’ll get back to you on that.”
While sometimes this is a genuine response, toxic bosses use it as a stalling tactic. Translation: “I’m hoping you’ll forget about this request or problem.” This way, they can avoid making decisions or addressing issues, leaving you in limbo and feeling unheard.
9. “You don’t want to be seen as difficult, do you?”
Source: Unsplash This manipulative question is designed to make you doubt yourself. What they’re really saying is, “Stop questioning things or standing up for yourself.” It’s a subtle threat, implying that asserting your rights or opinions could harm your reputation or career prospects.
10. “That’s just how it is in this industry.”
Toxic bosses use this to justify poor working conditions or unethical practices. The message they’re really trying to get across is, “I’m not willing to improve things, so accept it or leave.” They want to normalise problematic aspects of the job and discourage you from pushing for positive changes.
11. “You should be grateful for this feedback.”
Source: Unsplash While constructive feedback is definitely valuable, toxic bosses often use this line after delivering harsh or unfair criticism. What they’re really saying is, “Don’t react negatively to my comments, even if they’re unjustified.” They want to make you feel guilty for any hurt or disagreement you might express in response to their words.
12. “I don’t micromanage.”
Source: Unsplash Ironically, bosses who say this often do micromanage. The truth is, “I’m going to closely control your work, but I don’t want to be seen as overbearing.” However, by claiming they don’t micromanage, they can deny their controlling behaviour while continuing to exert excessive oversight on your tasks.
13. “We’re all in this together.”
Source: Unsplash This seems inclusive, but it often precedes announcements of cutbacks or increased workloads. What they’re really saying is, “I’m about to ask you to make sacrifices, but don’t expect the same from management.” They try to create a false sense of unity while maintaining an unequal distribution of burdens.
14. “I’m not angry, I’m just disappointed.”
Source: Unsplash This classic phrase is used to make you feel guilt and shame, often over absolutely nothing. What they’re really trying to say is , “I am angry, but I’m expressing it in a way that makes you feel worse about yourself.” It’s a manipulative tactic meant to make you feel like you’ve let them down personally, which they hope will increase your desire to please them in the future.
15. “Let’s take this offline.”
Source: Unsplash While sometimes this is a genuine attempt to have a private conversation, toxic bosses often use it to shut down discussions in public settings. The truth? “I don’t want others to hear this conversation where I might be challenged or held accountable.” They’ll do whatever they can to control the narrative and avoid addressing issues transparently.
16. “You’re being too sensitive.”
Being dismissive like this is used to invalidate your feelings or concerns. What they really mean is, “Your emotional reactions are inconvenient for me, so stop having them.” It’s a form of gaslighting, making you doubt your own judgement and reactions to their behaviour or decisions.
17. “I’m just being honest.”
Toxic bosses often use this as a shield for delivering unnecessarily harsh or personal criticism. Their “honesty” really means, “I can say whatever I want without regard for your feelings, and you can’t complain because it’s ‘honest’.” In their eyes, it’s an easy way to absolve themselves of responsibility for the impact of their words.
18. “We need to be flexible here.”
While flexibility can be positive, toxic bosses use this to push boundaries. In other words, “I expect you to bend over backwards to meet unreasonable demands.” It’s their attempt at pressuring you into accepting last-minute changes, extended hours, or tasks outside your job description.
19. “I thought you could handle this.”
This passive-aggressive statement is used to imply incompetence. What they’re really saying is, “I’m disappointed in your performance, but I’m framing it as a challenge to your abilities.” It’s a manipulative way to push you to work harder without providing necessary support or acknowledging any systemic issues.
20. “Don’t take this personally, but…”
Ironically, what follows this phrase is often deeply personal. If they were being truthful, it’d go something like, “I’m about to say something offensive or hurtful, but I don’t want you to hold me accountable for it.” It’s a pre-emptive attempt to deflect responsibility for the impact of their words, while still delivering a personal critique or attack.
