You’d think you’d notice you were in a relationship with a narcissist long before you said “I do,” but that’s not always the case.
In fact, sometimes the warning signs of a narcissist are subtle at first, or you love them so much that you’re willing to overlook or excuse the red flags that crop up. Sadly, if your husband does any of these things, you’re married to a narcissist. What you do about it is up to you, but confronting the reality of the situation is the first step forward.
1. He constantly talks about himself.
If your husband dominates conversations with stories about his achievements, problems, or opinions, it might indicate narcissism. He clearly has excessive need for attention and admiration. He may show little interest in your thoughts or experiences, always steering discussions back to himself. To deal with it, try setting boundaries around conversation time and gently point out when he’s monopolising discussions. Encourage him to ask about your day or opinions, encouraging more balanced communication.
2. He lacks empathy for your feelings.
A narcissistic husband often struggles to understand or validate your emotions. He might dismiss your concerns, belittle your feelings, or become defensive when you express hurt. His lack of empathy can leave you feeling unsupported and alone in the relationship. To cope, seek support from friends, family, or a therapist who can validate your feelings. Clearly communicate your need for empathy, using specific examples of when you felt dismissed. Consider couples therapy to improve emotional communication.
3. He’s overly sensitive to criticism.
If your husband reacts disproportionately to even mild criticism, it could be a sign of narcissism. He might become angry, defensive, or withdraw when you point out his mistakes or shortcomings. His hypersensitivity is likely rooted in a fragile self-esteem masked by a grandiose exterior. When addressing issues, use ‘I’ statements to express your feelings without attacking. Choose your battles wisely, focusing on the most important issues. Consider seeking professional help to learn effective communication strategies.
4. He has an inflated sense of self-importance.
A narcissistic husband often believes he’s better than everyone else, expecting constant praise and special treatment. He might exaggerate his achievements or talents, insisting he’s the best at everything. Such grandiosity can strain relationships as he dismisses other people’s accomplishments. If you want to put a stop to it, avoid feeding into his need for excessive admiration. Encourage him to recognise other people’s strengths and achievements. Set realistic expectations for praise and recognition within your relationship.
5. He manipulates situations to his advantage.
Narcissists are often skilled manipulators, twisting situations to suit their needs or avoid blame. Your husband might use guilt, gaslighting, or emotional blackmail to control you or situations. This behaviour can leave you doubting your own perceptions and feelings. To cope, trust your instincts and maintain a strong support network. Keep a journal to track incidents and validate your experiences. Consider seeking professional help to develop strategies for dealing with manipulation.
6. He has a sense of entitlement.
If your husband consistently expects preferential treatment or believes rules don’t apply to him, it might indicate narcissism. He may become angry or resentful when he doesn’t get his way, feeling that he deserves more than everyone else. His entitlement can strain his relationship and create unnecessary drama. To change things, set clear boundaries and expectations within your relationship. Encourage empathy by discussing how his behaviour impacts other people. Consider couples therapy to work on mutual respect and compromise.
7. He needs constant admiration and praise.
A narcissistic husband often has an insatiable need for compliments and recognition. He might fish for praise or become upset if he doesn’t receive enough attention. Of course, a constant need for admiration can be exhausting for partners. To manage this, set reasonable limits on praise. Encourage him to develop internal validation rather than relying solely on external approval. Consider therapy to address the underlying insecurities driving his behaviour.
8. He struggles with jealousy and competitiveness.
Narcissists often view relationships as competitions, feeling threatened by their partner’s successes. Your husband might become jealous of your achievements or try to one-up you constantly, which is a clear sign of his deep-seated insecurity. To address this, celebrate each other’s successes as a team. Encourage a collaborative rather than competitive approach to your relationship. Consider couples counselling to work on building mutual support and trust.
9. He lacks accountability for his actions.
A narcissistic husband often refuses to take responsibility for his mistakes or hurtful behaviour. He might blame other people, make excuses, or deflect when confronted with his actions. Your husband’s lack of accountability can be frustrating and prevent personal growth. To cope, maintain your own sense of reality and don’t accept blame for his actions. Use ‘I’ statements to express how his behaviour impacts you. Consider setting consequences for repeated harmful behaviours.
10. He has difficulty maintaining long-term friendships.
If your husband struggles to keep friends or has a history of falling out with people, it could indicate narcissistic tendencies. Narcissists often have superficial relationships and may discard people when they no longer serve a purpose. This pattern can leave you feeling isolated. Maintain your own friendships and social connections. Encourage him to work on empathy and reciprocity in relationships. Consider couples therapy to improve social skills and relationship-building.
11. He shows a Jekyll and Hyde personality.
Narcissists often display dramatic mood swings, being charming one moment and cruel the next. His unpredictable behaviour can leave you walking on eggshells, never knowing what to expect. The contrast between his public and private persona can be stark. To cope, maintain your emotional stability and don’t take his mood swings personally. Set boundaries around acceptable behaviour. Consider therapy to develop coping strategies and assess the health of your relationship.
12. He gaslights you.
Gaslighting is a common tactic used by narcissists to make you doubt your own perceptions and memories. Your husband might deny saying things you clearly rremember,or insist events happened differently than you recall. Needless to say, it can be deeply destabilising. To confront it, trust your own experiences and keep a record of events. Seek support from trusted friends or family who can validate your reality. Consider individual therapy to strengthen your self-trust and develop strategies to counter gaslighting.
13. He has a strong need for control.
Source: Unsplash A narcissistic husband often tries to control various aspects of your life, from your appearance to your social circle. He might make decisions without consulting you or become upset when you assert independence. Sorry, but controlling behaviour usually boils down to insecurity and a need for power. To cope, assert your boundaries firmly and consistently. Maintain your individuality and interests outside the relationship. Consider couples therapy to work on healthy decision-making and respect for autonomy.
14. He lacks genuine interest in your life.
Source: Unsplash If your husband shows little curiosity about your thoughts, feelings, or experiences, it might indicate narcissism. He may seem bored or dismissive when you talk about yourself, quickly turning the conversation back to his interests. His lack of reciprocity can leave you feeling unimportant. To deal with it, clearly express your need for mutual interest in the relationship. Set aside dedicated time for sharing and listening. Consider couples counselling to improve emotional intimacy and communication.
15. He has difficulty apologising sincerely.
Source: Unsplash Narcissists often struggle with genuine apologies, viewing them as signs of weakness. Your husband might offer insincere apologies, make excuses, or turn the situation around to blame you. Unsurprisingly, it can prevent conflict resolution and healing. To cope, focus on his actions rather than words. Set clear expectations for how conflicts should be resolved. Consider couples therapy to work on effective apologies and forgiveness within your relationship.
16. He exhibits a sense of superiority.
Source: Unsplash A narcissistic husband often believes he’s better than other people in various ways, whether it’s intelligence, appearance, or abilities. He might constantly compare himself to other people (and he always comes out on top) or demean those he sees as inferior. Such a bad attitude can create tension in social situations and within your relationship. To cope, gently challenge his assumptions of superiority. Encourage empathy and respect for other people’s strengths. Consider therapy to explore the insecurities underlying this behaviour.
17. He lacks boundaries.
Source: Unsplash Narcissists often have difficulty respecting personal boundaries, both emotional and physical. Your husband might invade your privacy, share personal information without consent, or disregard your need for space. Why? Because he has a sense of entitlement and lack of empathy. To cope, clearly define and enforce your boundaries. Use specific, assertive language to communicate your needs. Consider couples counselling to work on mutual respect and boundary-setting within your relationship.
18. He exhibits financial control or irresponsibility.
Source: Unsplash A narcissistic husband might try to control all financial decisions or engage in reckless spending to fuel his grandiose self-image. He may hide financial information from you or criticise your spending while justifying his own, which can create financial instability and power imbalances. To deal with it, insist on financial transparency and equal decision-making. Consider seeking advice from a financial counsellor. Maintain some financial independence to ensure your security.
19. He has unrealistic expectations of you.
Source: Unsplash Narcissists often project their idealised image onto their partners, expecting perfection. Your husband might criticise you for not meeting impossible standards or become disappointed when you show normal human flaws. This can lead to constant pressure and feelings of inadequacy. To cope, remind yourself that these expectations are unrealistic. Set your own standards based on your values. Consider therapy to build self-esteem and learn to validate yourself.
20. He displays a lack of interest in self-improvement.
Source: Unsplash Despite their flaws, narcissists often resist genuine self-improvement. Your husband might dismiss suggestions for personal growth or therapy, insisting he doesn’t need to change. Of course, his resistance can prevent relationship progress and personal development. To address this, focus on your own growth and well-being. Lead by example in self-improvement efforts. Consider setting boundaries around behaviours you find unacceptable, potentially making your continued commitment conditional on his willingness to work on himself.
21. He engages in constant comparison.
Source: Unsplash A narcissistic husband often compares your relationship, lifestyle, or achievements to other people’s, always finding ways to assert superiority or express dissatisfaction. Again, his behaviour stems from insecurity and a need for external validation. It can create a constant sense of competition and inadequacy within your relationship. To cope, avoid engaging in these comparisons. Focus on your own values and what makes your life meaningful. Consider couples therapy to work on building a stronger sense of partnership and mutual appreciation.
