It’s totally normal for couples to care deeply about each other, but sometimes that caring can cross a line into controlling behaviour.
If you recognise any of the following behaviours, these are subtle (but potentially dangerous and certainly problematic) signs that your partner might be a little too possessive.
1. They constantly check in on you.
A little “how’s your day going?” text is sweet, but getting bombarded with messages and calls all day long can feel suffocating. If your partner demands to know your every move and gets anxious when you don’t respond immediately, it might be a sign they’re having trouble respecting your personal space.
2. They isolate you from your friends and family.
Source: Unsplash A healthy relationship should enhance your life, not restrict it. If your partner makes snide remarks about your friends, tries to discourage you from seeing your family, or gets upset when you make plans without them, it could be a red flag. They might be trying to control your social circle to keep you all to themselves.
3. They get jealous easily.
Source: Unsplash A little jealousy is normal in any relationship, but it shouldn’t be a constant source of tension. If your partner gets jealous over innocent interactions with other people, accuses you of flirting, or makes a scene every time you talk to someone they perceive as a threat, it’s not healthy. This could be a sign of insecurity or a deeper issue with trust.
4. They try to control your appearance.
It’s one thing to offer fashion advice, but it’s another thing entirely to dictate what you can and cannot wear. If your partner criticizes your outfits, insists on picking out your clothes, or makes you feel ashamed of your body, it’s a major sign of possessiveness. You have the right to express yourself through your appearance, and your partner should respect that.
5. They monitor your phone and social media.
Trust is the foundation of any healthy relationship, and snooping through your partner’s phone or social media is a huge breach of that trust. If your partner demands your passwords, goes through your messages, or constantly checks up on who you’re interacting with online, it’s a serious red flag. They might be trying to control your communication and limit your connections with other people.
6. They make decisions for you without your input.
Whether it’s what to eat for dinner or where to go on holiday, your partner should respect your opinions and preferences. If they constantly make decisions for you without consulting you, it’s a sign that they don’t value your autonomy. A healthy relationship is a partnership, not a dictatorship.
7. They get angry or upset when you spend time apart.
Everyone needs a little “me time” now and then, and it’s important for couples to have separate interests and friendships. If your partner throws a tantrum every time you want to hang out with your friends or pursue your hobbies, it’s a sign they’re overly dependent on you. A healthy relationship allows both partners to have their own lives outside of the relationship.
8. They use guilt or manipulation to get their way.
Emotional manipulation is never okay. If your partner constantly tries to guilt you into doing what they want, makes you feel responsible for their happiness, or threatens to hurt themselves if you don’t comply, it’s a serious red flag. They might be trying to control you through emotional blackmail and manipulation.
9. They accuse you of cheating or flirting.
Source: Unsplash Trust is the foundation of any healthy relationship, and constant accusations of cheating or flirting can destroy that trust. If your partner accuses you of being unfaithful without any evidence, it could be a sign of their own insecurities or a projection of their own behaviour. False accusations can be emotionally damaging and should not be tolerated.
10. They blame you for their negative emotions.
It’s not your responsibility to manage your partner’s emotions. If they constantly blame you for their anger, sadness, or frustration, it’s a sign they’re not taking responsibility for their own feelings. A healthy partner will express their emotions in a constructive way and try to find solutions together, rather than placing blame on you.
11. They give you the silent treatment.
Communication is key in any relationship, and giving someone the silent treatment is a manipulative tactic to control and punish. If your partner shuts down, refuses to talk, or ignores you for extended periods, it’s a sign they’re not willing to engage in healthy conflict resolution. This behaviour can be emotionally draining and damaging to the relationship.
12. They threaten to hurt themselves or other people.
Threats of self-harm or harm to other people are never okay and should be taken seriously. If your partner uses these threats as a way to control you or prevent you from leaving, it’s a clear sign of abuse. It’s important to get help immediately and prioritise your safety.
13. They try to sabotage your successes or goals.
A supportive partner should celebrate your achievements and encourage you to pursue your dreams. If your partner belittles your accomplishments, puts down your goals, or tries to sabotage your efforts, it’s a sign they’re threatened by your independence and success. This kind of behaviour is toxic and can hold you back from reaching your full potential.
14. They make you feel like you’re walking on eggshells.
A healthy relationship should feel safe and secure, not like a minefield. If you’re constantly worried about saying or doing the wrong thing, afraid of your partner’s reactions, or feeling like you have to tiptoe around their moods, it’s a sign of an unhealthy power dynamic. You shouldn’t have to live in fear of your partner’s anger or disapproval.
15. They use gaslighting to make you doubt yourself.
Gaslighting is a manipulative tactic that involves making someone question their own sanity, memory, or perception of reality. If your partner denies things they said or did, makes you feel like you’re imagining things, or twists your words to make you feel crazy, it’s a form of emotional abuse. Gaslighting is incredibly harmful and can hurt your self-esteem and confidence.
16. They refuse to take responsibility for their actions.
Everyone makes mistakes, but a mature and responsible partner will own up to their mistakes and apologize. If your partner constantly blames you, deflects responsibility, or makes excuses for their behaviour, it’s a sign they’re not willing to take accountability for their actions. This lack of self-awareness can be frustrating and prevent any real growth or change in the relationship.
17. They try to control your finances.
Financial control is a common tactic used by possessive partners. They might try to limit your access to money, dictate how you spend it, or make you feel guilty for buying things for yourself. Financial independence is important for everyone, and your partner shouldn’t try to control your financial decisions.
18. They have a history of possessive behaviour in past relationships.
Source: Unsplash Past behaviour can be a good predictor of future behaviour. If your partner has a history of being possessive or controlling in previous relationships, it’s important to be aware of this pattern. While people can change, it’s important to have an honest conversation about their past and set clear boundaries to ensure a healthy and respectful dynamic in your current relationship.
19. They make you feel guilty for having boundaries.
Source: Unsplash Boundaries are essential for any healthy relationship. If your partner makes you feel guilty or selfish for setting boundaries, it’s a sign they’re not respecting your needs. A healthy partner will understand and respect your boundaries, even if they don’t always agree with them.
20. They don’t respect your privacy.
Source: Unsplash Everyone needs a little privacy, and it’s important for couples to respect each other’s personal space. If your partner snoops through your belongings, reads your private messages, or demands to know every detail of your life, it’s a sign they don’t trust you or respect your autonomy.
21. They make you feel like you can’t live without them.
Source: Unsplash A healthy relationship should empower you, not make you feel dependent on your partner. If your partner makes you feel like you’re worthless without them, tells you that no one else would ever love you, or threatens to leave if you don’t comply with their demands, it’s a form of emotional manipulation. You are a strong and capable individual, and you deserve to be in a relationship where you feel valued and supported.
