Every office, whether it’s open-plan, remote, or the kind with a suspiciously squeaky coffee machine, comes with its own silent rulebook.
This isn’t the stuff in the HR handbook—we’re talking about the unspoken social codes and subtle expectations. It’s the “we all know this is weird, but no one says anything” type of stuff. And while some of these unspoken rules exist to keep the peace, most people absolutely steamroll past them. These are the guidelines that too many people pretend don’t exist, but that definitely shape how likeable, tolerable, or quietly respected you are at work.
1. Don’t linger after meetings end.
The call ended, people are waving, and the energy has officially left the room. But there you are, still hanging around the Zoom screen like you’ve got something dramatic to reveal. Unless you’re the host or someone actually needs you, shut the tab and move on. Lingering makes people uncomfortable. It’s like sitting in a parked car long after someone’s got out. Don’t be the digital ghost that haunts the post-meeting silence.
2. Reheating fish in the communal microwave is a hostile act.
You have the right to enjoy your lunch. That said, if you bring a leftover tuna pasta bake and microwave it at full blast in a closed office kitchen, just know you’ve declared war on your coworkers’ noses. Strong-smelling food at work is like perfume in a lift—everyone’s affected, nobody asked for it, and no one will tell you to your face, but they will talk about you later.
3. Replying-all when it’s not necessary should be a finable offence.
Not every “Thanks!” needs to be broadcast to 34 people. The Reply-All button is not your friend. It’s a trap. A digital grenade that fills inboxes with unnecessary noise and low-key resentment. If you’re tempted to reply-all with “Great, thanks,” stop. Breathe. And just don’t. It’s not charming—it’s chaotic.
4. Not muting yourself on video calls is a cry for help.
No one wants to hear your dog, your keyboard, or you loudly munching almonds while Susan is presenting quarterly stats. Muting yourself is not just polite, it’s a survival skill in the age of remote work. If someone gently says, “Could you mute?” don’t take offence. They’re trying to save you from becoming That Person in the meeting recording. You’re welcome.
5. Keep your laptop volume down when watching videos at your desk.
We all love a sneaky lunchtime scroll, but if your YouTube deep-dive into unsolved mysteries is playing out loud, it’s no longer just your moment of downtime. It’s now a shared, unsolicited office soundtrack. Earphones exist. Use them. No one should hear a full episode of “Kitchen Nightmares” just because you forgot your AirPods.
6. Don’t book 4:30 p.m. meetings on a Friday (unless you want enemies).
You might be feeling productive. Good for you, but if you throw a meeting on everyone’s calendar late on a Friday, you will be quietly loathed. This is sacred time. Nothing important happens after 4 p.m. except pretending to work while emotionally clocking out. Respect the wind-down. Or face the consequences of everyone showing up to your meeting with dead eyes and their camera off out of protest.
7. If you finish the coffee pot, you make the next one.
It’s not hard. You took the last cup. The pot’s empty. You now owe your office a new brew. Don’t just walk away and pretend it wasn’t you. People know. People always know. Making the next pot of coffee is a silent social contract. Break it, and you’ll find yourself in an unspoken feud you didn’t even realise you started.
8. Don’t hover while someone’s clearly mid-task.
You might have a question, and that’s fine. However, if someone’s typing furiously, wearing headphones, and avoiding eye contact like their life depends on it—now is not the time. Hovering behind their chair like a confused ghost won’t speed things up. Respect the invisible Do Not Disturb aura. If it’s not urgent, save it. Or better yet, send a message and give them time to come up for air.
9. Don’t make your personality “being busy.”
We get it. You’ve got back-to-back calls, five deadlines, and you haven’t had lunch since Tuesday. However, announcing how overwhelmed you are every hour on the hour doesn’t make you look important—it makes you look exhausting. Everyone’s busy. Quiet efficiency is the real flex. Bonus points if you also help someone else while still managing to finish your own tasks without narrating the stress out loud.
10. Slacking someone a vague “got a sec?” is weirdly menacing.
That innocent little message is the workplace equivalent of someone texting “we need to talk.” It causes panic. It makes people wonder if they’re about to be fired or asked to join another committee—or both. Just say what it’s about. A simple “Hey, quick question about the Johnson file” saves everyone from 3 minutes of existential dread.
11. Laughing way too loud on calls makes you the office sitcom.
A light chuckle? Sure. Full-blown wheezing that echoes across the floor? Save it for the pub. You don’t need to react to a colleague’s dad joke like you’re at a sold-out comedy show. People around you are trying to concentrate—and now they’re wondering what could possibly be so funny about the monthly budget spreadsheet.
12. Don’t treat shared spaces like your living room.
Feet on chairs, desk yoga, or loudly FaceTiming your mum from the break area… it’s giving “home energy” in a place that is very much not your home. Chill vibes are good. Being overly casual? Not so much. Workplaces can be relaxed without becoming a scene from your weekend. If you wouldn’t do it in front of your CEO, maybe don’t do it next to the snack station either.
