Most people don’t outright admit that they’re self-absorbed, but their behaviour usually does the trick for them.
These are the people who somehow turn every group chat into a personal update, hijack emotional moments with their own drama, and act like their problems should be treated like national emergencies. They’re not always aggressive about it; a lot of times, it’s subtle, coated in politeness or humour. However, if you’re around it long enough, it becomes clear: they’re the sun, and the rest of the world is expected to orbit them. Here are some of the more glaringly obvious signs someone’s stuck in main character mode, and they want everyone else to play supporting roles.
1. They twist every story into one about themselves.
You’ll be halfway through sharing something that happened, and before you know it, they’ve taken the steering wheel, and you’re listening to a vaguely related story from their past. No matter the topic, they find a way to loop it back to them. Even if you’re the one going through something major, the spotlight always seems to flip back to their experience, their memory, or their opinion.
It’s not that they don’t care, necessarily. It’s that they care more about staying relevant in the moment, and if that means cutting your story short, so be it.
2. They one-up your emotions like it’s a competition.
You mention feeling exhausted? They haven’t slept in three days. You say you’re anxious about something? They once had a panic attack on the motorway. Instead of simply empathising, they compete for the emotional gold medal every time. It’s subtle at first, but eventually you realise they’re not really connecting—they’re performing.
Your vulnerability is a set-up for their punchline, and somehow, their struggles are always just a bit more dramatic, more intense, and more deserving of attention.
3. They only ask questions so they can answer them too.
They’ll ask how your weekend was, but you barely get three words in before they launch into their own. It’s not curiosity, it’s strategy. Questions are just a social tool to set the stage for another monologue about themselves. You get the sense they’re not really listening—they’re waiting for you to stop talking so they can start again. What could’ve been a two-way conversation ends up as a rerun of their greatest hits. Every. Single. Time.
4. They can’t celebrate your success unless it benefits them.
You share good news, and they immediately wonder how it affects them. You got a new job? They want to know if you’ll have more flexibility to hang out on their schedule. You moved into a new place? They’re already eyeing the spare room like it’s theirs by default. Your success is tolerated, even applauded, but only if they can find a way to spin it into a win for themselves. Otherwise, the enthusiasm fizzles out quickly.
5. They make themselves the victim in every disagreement.
You express frustration with something they said or did, and suddenly, you’re the one who’s hurt them. The conversation flips so fast, it leaves you blinking. Now they’re emotional, and you’re stuck reassuring them instead of addressing the original issue. They’ve mastered the art of self-pity as a shield, turning even fair feedback into an attack. Somehow, they always walk away as the one who’s been wronged.
6. They dominate group situations like it’s their personal stage.
Dinner, parties, meetings—it doesn’t matter. They treat any gathering like an opportunity to hold court. They’re not just contributing, they’re performing. Jokes are rehearsed. Stories have dramatic arcs. They’re allergic to silence unless they’re the one filling it. They’re not just outgoing—they literally need the spotlight. If anyone else tries to share the attention, you can feel the tension change instantly.
7. They offer advice you didn’t ask for, just to talk about themselves.
They jump in with “helpful” suggestions, but they’re usually more about showing off. Their tips are less about you and more about their own wisdom, experience, or subtle brag. You start to realise the advice isn’t for your benefit—it’s a platform to retell how they handled something better. Even when you’re not looking for any kind of feedback or guidance, they can’t resist the opportunity to make themselves look like the expert.
8. They derail serious conversations with unrelated personal updates.
You’re opening up about something real, something heavy, and mid-sentence, they pivot to talk about something irrelevant. You’re talking loss, they’re talking about their Amazon delivery woes. The change is so jarring it’s almost impressive. It’s not that they don’t hear you—it’s that they don’t know how to stay in a space that isn’t about them. So, they jump ship back to safer, more self-focused waters.
9. They fish for compliments while pretending not to care.
They’ll downplay themselves with lines like, “I know I probably look terrible today,” while clearly waiting for the correction. When the compliments roll in, they act surprised, but they’ve set the stage perfectly for you to flatter them. It’s not necessarily toxic, but over time it starts to feel calculated. The self-deprecation is a script, and the compliments are the payoff they’re really after.
10. They treat your boundaries as suggestions, not rules.
You say you need space—they show up anyway. You set a clear limit, and they push it “just this once.” They might act like it’s playful or sweet, but it’s really about refusing to respect a world that doesn’t revolve around them. They don’t take no for an answer because they don’t believe your needs should outweigh their wants. That’s not affection; it’s control dressed as charm.
11. They overshare but never hold space for anyone else.
They’ll tell you everything—every thought, every issue, every emotional twinge. However, when it’s your turn to open up, suddenly, their phone pings, or they’ve “had a long day.” They expect your full emotional bandwidth, but rarely offer any in return. It’s a one-way connection that starts to feel draining. You’re the audience, and they’re on an endless solo tour.
12. They turn compliments into conversation monopolies.
You say something nice, and instead of a simple “thank you,” you get a full breakdown of the backstory. One compliment turns into a ten-minute featurette on where they bought it, what it means, and who else noticed it last week. It’s less appreciation, more spotlight maintenance. Even praise becomes a way to extend their airtime.
13. They get visibly uncomfortable when someone else is the focus.
Whether it’s someone else getting attention or praise, they can’t quite sit still. You’ll notice the sudden interruptions, the change in tone, the way they steer things back to themselves. They can’t share space. If they’re not the one holding the room, they’re looking for a way to take it back—fast.
14. They treat group decisions like they’re personal favours.
Planning something as a group? They expect it to revolve around their preferences. If it doesn’t, they get passive-aggressive or opt out entirely. Every plan is weighed against how well it suits them. It’s not about contribution, it’s about control. If the plan doesn’t work for them, the plan is the problem.
15. They expect loyalty on demand, but rarely offer it back.
If you’re not instantly available, they’re hurt. If you set a boundary, they pull back. But when the roles reverse? You’ll get excuses, missed messages, and selective memory. They expect full support from everyone around them—but struggle to show up when someone else needs the same. It’s a one-sided loyalty that feels more like emotional taxation.
