Winning over a cat doesn’t require bribing them or trying to act like a dog owner with something to prove.
It’s more like a slow, respectful friendship—one that builds on their terms, not yours. Cats remember kindness, but they also remember pushiness. So if you want to earn real affection from a feline, you’ll need patience, subtlety, and maybe the occasional treat. Here are some tried-and-true ways to win a cat over and earn their everlasting loyalty (without trying too hard and ruining it).
1. Let them come to you first.
The golden rule of cat friendship: don’t charge in. Cats like to assess situations quietly and from a distance. If you try to pick them up or get in their face too soon, you’ll likely get the cold shoulder—or worse, the tail flick of disapproval.n Instead, sit nearby and pretend not to care. Let them sniff, stare, and slowly approach. The less you push, the more curious they’ll become. Nothing makes you more interesting to a cat than playing a bit hard to get.
2. Blink slowly—it’s the cat version of a smile.
When cats slowly blink at you, it’s their version of saying, “I trust you.” You can return the gesture with your own slow blink—look at them gently, then close your eyes slowly and open them again. No staring, no tension. Do this a few times, and you’re basically whispering, “Hey, I come in peace.” It’s one of the easiest ways to calm a wary cat and let them know you’re safe to be around.
3. Respect their personal space (even if they’re sitting in yours).
Cats love to sprawl on your laptop, your jumper, or right in the middle of your path, and then act offended if you move them. The trick is to respect their choice of territory. If they claim your lap, great. However, if they’re off in a quiet corner, don’t follow them around trying to bond. Let them feel like they’re choosing the interaction. Cats value autonomy more than constant attention, and they’re far more affectionate when they’re not being chased for it.
4. Find their sweet spot (hint: probably not the belly).
Most cats have a favourite place to be petted—usually around the cheeks, under the chin, or just behind the ears. Once you find the spot that makes them melt, you’ve hit the jackpot. However, go slow. Watch their reactions. If their ears flick, tail twitches, or they start leaning away, back off. Knowing when not to touch is just as important as knowing where they like it most.
5. Play with them like prey, not like fetch.
Cats aren’t fetch players—they’re hunters. A good wand toy or string dragged slowly across the floor will always win their attention over something you throw and expect them to bring back. Keep the “prey” moving unpredictably, let them stalk it, and give them a chance to “catch” it now and then. Ending a play session with a treat mimics a successful hunt and leaves them happy (and impressed with your skills).
6. Offer treats the right way,
Tossing treats randomly can work, but offering them from your hand while staying still is a great way to build trust. Hold it out and let them come to you—it’s less about the snack and more about the slow-building connection. If they’re too shy to take it at first, place it nearby and back off. Every time they associate your presence with something good, you’re one step closer to becoming their favourite human.
7. Learn their body language and actually respect it.
Cats are constantly communicating, but it’s often missed. Arched back, low ears, flicking tail? They’re not into it. Upright tail, slow blinks, purring while staying close? That’s a green light. If you listen to their signals and adjust your behaviour, they’ll notice. Cats trust people who “get it.” Nothing builds a bond faster than proving you can speak fluent feline.
8. Give them places to hide and perch.
Cats love high ground and cosy hideouts. It gives them a sense of safety and control over their environment. If you provide shelves, cat trees, or even a blanket-covered box, they’ll feel more relaxed, and more open to hanging out with you. Bonus: watching them peer down from a high perch like the boss they are is half the fun of having a cat around.
9. Talk to them in a soft, low voice.
Yelling, clapping, or loud laughs can freak cats out, even if you’re not directing it at them. A calm, gentle tone tells them you’re not a threat, and it makes your presence easier to be around. You don’t need to baby talk unless that’s your vibe, but speaking softly while they’re nearby helps build familiarity. Eventually, they’ll associate your voice with safety.
10. Don’t stare—it’s a challenge.
In the cat world, a direct, unbroken stare is a sign of threat or dominance. It’s not how they connect—it’s how they prepare for a fight. So if you’re trying to win their trust, don’t lock eyes like you’re in a staring contest. Instead, glance at them with soft eyes, blink slowly, then look away. That makes you less of a threat and more of a friend. Respect their visual boundaries and they’ll relax around you.
11. Let them nap near you without interruption.
If a cat falls asleep near you, take it as a huge compliment. They’re literally putting their guard down in your presence. Don’t pet them, poke them, or take selfies—they’re trusting you with their downtime. Letting them rest undisturbed builds a quiet form of trust. Over time, they’ll choose to snooze on your lap or next to you more often—and that kind of bond is earned, not demanded.
12. Stick to a routine.
Cats love predictability. Feeding them at the same time each day, playing at regular intervals, and even greeting them consistently all help build familiarity and security. This isn’t about being rigid—it’s about creating rhythms they can count on. When they know what to expect from you, they start leaning in more freely.
13. Let them “win” in play and interaction.
Cats like to feel in control. That goes for games, affection, and even conversation. If they swat the toy, let them catch it. If they paw you mid-petting, stop. If they meow and walk away, don’t chase them. Giving them the last word makes them feel respected. And respect, in the cat world, is the real path to love.
14. Be still and let curiosity do the work.
Sometimes the best thing you can do is… nothing. Cats are curious by nature. If you sit quietly reading, working, or just chilling out, they’ll often come over just to investigate what you’re doing. This works especially well with shy or new cats. The less attention you demand, the more they’ll want to check you out—and eventually, check in emotionally too.
15. Celebrate the little signs of trust.
If they slow blink, rub against you, or expose their belly (even if you know better than to touch it), take it as progress. Cats don’t offer affection quickly—but when they do, it means something. Appreciating those small moments builds your bond over time. It tells your cat you see them, understand them, and aren’t taking their trust for granted.
