You know the one—not loud, not dramatic, but definitely capable of burning it all down with a smile.
The “slightly unhinged” friend isn’t the one screaming at brunch or airing their life on Instagram. They’re the one who stays weirdly calm during chaos, makes unsettlingly specific comments, and probably owns at least one kitchen knife that’s “just for fun.” Here are some subtle signs you might be that friend—and honestly, your group wouldn’t function without you.
1. You’re strangely calm in high-stress situations.
While everyone else is freaking out, you’re the one sipping your drink like it’s a Tuesday. No panic, no flinching—just an eerie sense of control that makes people both trust you and wonder if you’ve buried a body before. It’s not that you don’t care; it’s that your brain is somehow built for chaos. Your friends have definitely noticed that you’re a little too composed when things hit the fan.
2. You keep weirdly detailed notes about people.
You don’t forget birthdays, star signs, allergies—or the time someone made a weird comment about your outfit three years ago. You log things. Not out of malice. Just… in case. Your memory is a spreadsheet of grudges, patterns, and tiny tells. People feel seen around you—sometimes a little too seen. No one wants to end up in your mental archive of “things I clocked but didn’t say out loud.”
3. Your humour is a bit too dark, and lands too well.
Someone makes a sarcastic comment, and you hit back with something so disturbingly specific that it’s funny and vaguely threatening at the same time. You don’t just roast—you precision grill. Your jokes aren’t loud or attention-seeking, but they leave an impact. People laugh, and then pause for a second, wondering how long you’ve been sitting on that line.
4. You’re either deeply chill or plotting something.
There’s no in-between. You’re either quietly observing with zero expression, or you’re laser-focused on a plan no one else fully understands. You’ll drop one-liners like “I have a backup plan if this goes wrong” and leave it at that. Your calmness is often interpreted as peaceful, but your closest friends know it’s the calm that comes before something unorthodox. You’re not loud—you’re looming.
5. You have intense food or drink habits.
Not in a trendy way—more in a “you eat the same exact thing every day for three weeks and then suddenly switch to something wildly different with no explanation” kind of way. Your Uber Eats history reads like someone spiralling quietly but with taste. And your friends have 100% seen you drink black coffee at 10 p.m. and not blink.
6. You have a hobby that doesn’t quite match your vibe.
You’re chill and understated, and then casually mention that you collect taxidermy or do competitive axe-throwing “just for fun.” No context. No further comment. It’s the dissonance that’s unnerving. You look like someone who journals by candlelight, but you also know how to disassemble a mechanical keyboard or sew Victorian mourning clothes from scratch.
7. Your texts either go unanswered or are suspiciously fast.
You either vanish into the digital void for days or reply within four seconds with something wildly unfiltered. No one knows which version of you they’re going to get—and honestly, neither do you. There’s no pattern, just vibes. And the unpredictability has made your friends deeply cautious about what time they message you and what emotional state they’re in when they do.
8. You dress normal, but there’s always one thing slightly off.
Your outfit’s fine. Totally wearable. Until someone notices the combat boots with the floral dress. Or the weird pendant that might be cursed. Or the jumper that says something vaguely threatening in small text. It’s not overt, but there’s always a clue. Something that whispers, “This person has a story, and it’s probably weird.” You never go full chaos—you just suggest it tastefully.
9. You give great advice, but it’s always slightly unhinged.
Your emotional support is solid. You listen, you validate, you understand. Then, with full sincerity, you suggest burning something, blocking everyone, or disappearing for a bit “just to see what happens.” Your friends have learned to filter your advice for vibes vs action. Still, they often admit you were right… just in a way that shouldn’t have worked.
10. You’re weirdly good at getting out of things.
You never explain how. You just don’t show up to awkward events, group obligations, or high-drama gatherings, and somehow no one’s ever mad about it. Whether it’s strategic absence, last-minute ghosting, or a pre-made excuse that sounds too random to be fake, you slip through social traps like a cat through a crack in the wall.
11. You ask eerily specific hypothetical questions.
“Would it be illegal if…?” or “How many days do you think it would take someone to notice if I moved into a shed?”—these aren’t jokes. They’re data collection. Your hypotheticals walk a line between curious and mildly alarming. But you ask them casually, like you’re just thinking ahead. It’s not the question; it’s how calmly you ask it.
12. You don’t panic—you problem solve with a suspicious amount of glee.
When something goes wrong, most people stress. You… smirk. You pivot too smoothly. It’s like part of you enjoys the chaos, not because you’re evil, but because your brain thrives when things get weird. Your friends come to you when everything’s gone sideways—not because you’ll calm them down, but because you’ll somehow make it worse and better at the same time.
13. You know things you shouldn’t know.
No one told you about that breakup, that promotion, that person’s secret new side hustle, but you knew somehow. You always know, and you rarely reveal how. You’re not nosy—you’re just perceptive in a way that’s borderline supernatural. People joke that you’re psychic, but deep down they’re not sure you aren’t.
14. Your idea of “self-care” is deeply questionable.
Other people light candles and journal. You deep-clean your flat at 2am, rearrange your spice rack by emotional relevance, or take an hour-long bath with a face mask and conspiracy podcast. It works for you, but it absolutely raises questions. Your vibe isn’t “relaxed”—it’s “recharging for something no one’s prepared for.” Your friends have learned not to ask too many questions when you say you’re “fine.”
15. You disappear, and come back more powerful.
You’ll vanish for a week, no explanation. No texts. Then suddenly reappear with fresh hair, unhinged energy, and a new life goal that makes no sense but feels weirdly right. Your absence isn’t concerning—it’s your metamorphosis phase. And every time you come back, your friends know something’s changed. They just don’t know what yet, and they’re not sure they want to.
